Can a couple make a marriage work in order to keep the kids in a proper enviorment.

[Padawanbater2]

I used to think I knew the answer to that. However.....now, I don't fucking know.

Course if I stopped doing a lot of things, it might make things better.....


I mean, there are arraigned marriages that happen all the time and people make it work..



So chime in RIU. Sarcasm, flaming, wisdom in any denominations, are welcome.

I guess it depends on your definition of "a proper environment".

I know a lot of studies say that having the mother/father combo inside the household is what is best, and that's probably true (considering homosexual couples as well here, basically someone who represents the masculine and someone who represents the feminine characteristics), but that doesn't mean a single parent household wouldn't/couldn't be just as successful. IMO, it's far better to raise a kid in a single parent household if there are issues between both people. If that's the case, you just subject them to the issues. If you're a responsible sort of person, being single, the arguments would probably be pretty rare, as you don't see the other person all that much, and when you do it's only for a short period, so it shouldn't be too tough to keep your cool. I think society has certain bullshit standards people attempt to automatically conform to without even thinking about it, this is a perfect example.

Now why would it be better, in any logical sense, to keep a family unit together for the sake of raising a kid more efficiently if raising a kid in a broken family doesn't accomplish that goal?

 

[Granny weed]

I didn't mention abortion, I said conceive contraception! And I'm sure you are a good person we all have bad in us at times, but children need consistency so you have to grow up and you and your partner need to work on being good parents, the child is here now so you have to make an effort.

 

[kinetic]

Take all the kids to disney land then leave everyone there. Go to Cuba where they don't have flouride in their water and have to grow organically due to embargos that prevent imports of chemicals. Next live in the mountains, grow ganja, take on a cuban woman that can cook, drive one of those v.w bugs that they still drive down there and send money back to the kids. Explain to them in a letter that you work for the government and it's highly classified but you wish you could say what you are doing.

Or seperate and do your best to be civil and nice to the mom. Never put the kid in the middle and show the kid just because you guys are not together doesn't mean you have to treat one another poorly. That last part is very, very important. I believe that helped me immensely with my parents. They got along better after they seperated then divorced. My dad when he picked me up on Sundays would sometimes have me wait in the car for a ahalf hour or so while he "talked" to my mom inside. His hair was always messed up when he came back out to the car. Anyway, kids will be able to tell that you don't like one another and that the relationship is a sham.

Good Luck with your decision, I hope it's the best for all invovled.

 

[oldtimer54]

You know you could have prevented this child being conceived, in this day and age it has never been so easy to prevent a pregnancy, you were both totally irresponsible to create another child. As for staying together to make it work for the children that's not always a good idea, I speak from experience you think you will hurt your children if you separate from their father/mother what ever and then when they grow up and become adults themselves they tell you that you should have left! Relationships are not easy without children but with children its a whole new ball game, I think you need to face up to your responsibilities and stop being an asshole.

Grannyweed, your eloquence is only over shadowed by your beauty........(I saw the granny hands pic).
Tharoomman. You commited the mistake that many married and unmarried couples have made. Staying together for the kids
if the kids were important neither of you would have been in the positions that you both found yourselves in.....but to bring another child into this world with a woman you said you wouldnt go for was just wrong !
I wish all of you the best......but from this point forward keep your junk in your pants and you will find your life
easier

 

[DRiggins]

which might not be a terrible thing. family is good. it might teach the child to make sure they choose the right partner when they get older.. or it might teach them to be a fucking adult and do the right thing by your child and stick together until they are old enough to be on there own... 50% divorce rate says something about social maturity, poorly.

Yep, his current woman will probably just have a few more illegitimate kids in the upcoming years, further fucking up the family dynamic. I know a few families that have four or five different daddies sending Christmas cards to the various kids. Some people claim "it's better for the kid if the parents don't get along to just live with one". Bullshit.

Put down the pipe, the beer and pickup a job and some fucking marriage counseling.
That's the only way the cycle of this insane single family home and divorce percentage can be corrected.

 

[dirtsurfr]

Stay together and teach those kids that even broke down drug addicts can.....
I lost my train of thought Damn it!!!!!

 

[hempyninja309]

Take all the kids to disney land then leave everyone there. Go to Cuba where they don't have flouride in their water and have to grow organically due to embargos that prevent imports of chemicals. Next live in the mountains, grow ganja, take on a cuban woman that can cook, drive one of those v.w bugs that they still drive down there and send money back to the kids.

Does Fidel Castro make the best Cuban sandwich????

 

[hempyninja309]

Stay together and teach those kids that even broke down drug addicts can.....
I lost my train of thought Damn it!!!!!

Dirt im lovin the avatar man very classy. Getting it done right in the AM

 

[2rollingstoned]

My parents argued all the time, cheated on each other, saw my dad break my mother's nose when I was 4. It was a HUGE relief when they split up when I was 8 years old. They both went to the next relationships/marriages only to repeat the effin process. My brother belongs to my dad's best friend and passed off as my father's by the way. They dumped us off on an aunt and grandparents who raised us most of the time and it was a relief to be in some sort of normal atmosphere.

They made my life hell and as an adult I DIVORCED them both because I was sick of a life time of neglect and drama from immature lying cheating dickheads.

You OWE it to your children to get your shit together because they didn't ask to be here. You have ZERO right to make their childhood sad memories and mess up their ability to have normal relationships later in life.

Staying together for the sake of the kids is not always a good thing. If their home life is hell, and they are being raised by addicts then they would be better off with other people all together in my opinion.

Clean up, grow up, and become somebody your kids will look back later on and speak with love and pride about.

I would have given ANYTHING if my parents had the ability to look past their own selfish needs and gave me some love and attention.

Without decent parents you go thru life with a hole nobody can ever fill no matter what. No matter how many pills ya eat, booze ya drink... that simmers under the surface.

I hadn't talked to my mom in years when she died a few years ago and it ripped me a new ass for ages trying to cope with the fact that she never was going to love me. She never was going to be a mom that I needed. All the chances are gone.

I haven't talked to my dad since 95 and have no desire to ever again.

Don't let this be the same story your kids tell in a few years.

Get your shit together. Whether you stay together or not, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

YOU OWE THEM.

Peace and good luck...

 

[kinetic]

Does Fidel Castro make the best Cuban sandwich????

I'm getting one tomorrow or Friday, depends on when an old friend comes to my restaraunt spot to visit.