Lets Hear Some JOKES!

GangaFarmer420

GangaFarmer420

Well-Known Member
Lets hear abunch of great jokes! everyone loves jokes!
ill start

There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

lol
 
thechoroid

thechoroid

Active Member
Twos toners were trying to hitch hike. After standing for a long time with cars passing them by, one car noticed them and hits the breaks but comes to a halt 10 feet after. The first guy turns to the other and says: "Damn man! he stopped where we wanted to go":)
 
thechoroid

thechoroid

Active Member
A stoned taxi driver stops to pick up a client, who gets in the car and asks him to drive to the airport and to step on it. 10 minutes later, the client notices that the driver is going in the wrong direction and asks:"are you sure you took the right road?" the driver turns around with horror in his eyes and says:"Who are you?":)
 
fairyweed

fairyweed

Active Member
3 girls go to the doctors office the first goes in and come out "ahhh yeah i havin a boy cause i was ontop".. the second girl goes in comes out" im havin a girl cause i was on bottom" the third girl starts crying her eyes out " oh no im havin puppies cause i did it doggy style"..... ha ha ha i love that one i know its old but i love it...
 
fairyweed

fairyweed

Active Member
ou ou wanna hear a dirty joke????? ...... ok ok get this... a white horse(lol this is a good one) ok ok... a white horse... fell in a mudd puddle..lol...
 
DontDoDrugs

DontDoDrugs

Well-Known Member
i will make an attempt to come up with my own original joke..

ok, two stoners are walking down the street and one of them says "lets BLAAAAAAZE DIS BLUNT!" (oh ya they are wiggers too..) so one of them pulls out a skimpy blunt and a lighter and begins to light it.. but oh fuck.. a cop pulls up and they get so scared that they hide under a car with the blunt still in ones mouth, the cop says "hey boys, i think i know what ur problem is.. some hoodlums must have poured skunk piss in your radiator! but we got him!" and in the backseat is an old crackhead with a dead skunk for a hat!

oh well im not very funny off the top of my head..
 
Toker88

Toker88

Active Member
a trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
 
GangaFarmer420

GangaFarmer420

Well-Known Member
Toker88 said:
a trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
Click to expand...


HAHAHAHA YES!!! that was primo bro primo LOL
 
thechoroid

thechoroid

Active Member
Come on guys! keep em comin! We should probably make a poll on the best joke. Here goes another one: two prostitutes riding the lift. One of them says: yuck! smells like sperm. The other says: sorry! I burped.
 
thechoroid

thechoroid

Active Member
Toker88 said:
a trucker drives his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and starts down the other side when he notices a man and a woman making love in the center of the road. He blows his horn several times, but they don't budge. He slams on his brakes and stops just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walks to the couple, still in the road, and yells, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway looks up and says, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."
Click to expand...
Good one bro, lol :-P
 
Xeno420

Xeno420

Active Member
thechoroid said:
A stoned taxi driver stops to pick up a client, who gets in the car and asks him to drive to the airport and to step on it. 10 minutes later, the client notices that the driver is going in the wrong direction and asks:"are you sure you took the right road?" the driver turns around with horror in his eyes and says:"Who are you?":)
Click to expand...
AWESOME! I like this joke. I can see chong turning around after taking some peote and saying something like that.
 
MisterMicro

MisterMicro

Well-Known Member
Heres my attempt at a original joke.

Ok so this salmon traveled on thousand miles up raging currents, rapid rapids, and small water falls. As it pumps through a calm pool it has a sense of releif, reflecting on the journey with a stride of confidence. It than pumps vigoously to get speed to launch up the next waterfall. As it soars it spots its landing stroking back and forth to keep balanced. All of a sudden 2 inch spears Rip through its body popping its organs and squeezing it like a vice. Right after its nuts Burst, its snapped in half.
 
GangaFarmer420

GangaFarmer420

Well-Known Member
MisterMicro said:
Heres my attempt at a original joke.

Ok so this salmon traveled on thousand miles up raging currents, rapid rapids, and small water falls. As it pumps through a calm pool it has a sense of releif, reflecting on the journey with a stride of confidence. It than pumps vigoously to get speed to launch up the next waterfall. As it soars it spots its landing stroking back and forth to keep balanced. All of a sudden 2 inch spears Rip through its body popping its organs and squeezing it like a vice. Right after its nuts Burst, its snapped in half.
Click to expand...
LOL did you just make that up i made me laugh cuz i could picture it
 
MisterMicro

MisterMicro

Well-Known Member
I did :) I was watching a salmon special on the Discovery channel and i when i saw these salmon get chomped by a grizly after traveling so far, i was like now thats a joke!
 
GangaFarmer420

GangaFarmer420

Well-Known Member
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"​
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."​
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"​
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."




As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."​
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"​
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".


​
This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...
He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"



​
 
v12xjs

v12xjs

Well-Known Member
A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room.
"What happened?" they cried.
The husband said, "I guess she choked."
 
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