I already Node
Active Member
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they.
Neither have they.
Best Joke to Tell High?
- Thread starter MrDank007
- Start date
I already Node
Active Member
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
legalizeitcanada
Well-Known Member
As someone stated earlier don't read if you are easily offended...LOL
why do fish smell the way they do?
Cause women started swimming
What do you call a black guy in a 3 piece suit?
Defendant
What do you call a dog with three legs
Tripod
What do you call 1000 black guys buried up to their necks?
Afro Turf
Whats long black and smelly?
The unemployment line
How do you know when a blond has been using your computer?
The joystick is sticky
What did the priest say to the alter boy?
BEND OVER........and pray
Why is it always better with twenty five year olds?
cause there's 20 of em
Whats Micheal Jackson's idea of a perfect 10
2 five year olds
(insert heavy Indian accent here)
There is this Paki guy named Habbib that works in a flour factory. One day his boss tells him to change a light bulb over a basin of flour. He grabs a ladders climbs up and when at the top slips and falls in the flower...he runs over to his supervisor and says...."boss, boss, I have fell in the flour and am all white and dirty, can I go home take a shower and change....the boss says..."dammit Habbib, you got one hour to be back here or your fired" "1000 thankyou's, please" Habbib Replys
Habbib heads out on his way home running down the street and meets up his grandfather...."Habbib", he says..."Why are you running down the street and now at work?"
"I fell in the flour and am all white and dirty and only have one hour to go home and change" he replies and continues running...
then he meets up his grandmother..."HAABIB" she says....."what are you doing runnin round the streets boi, don't you have work today?"
"I fell in the flour and am all white and dirty and I only have 45min to go home and change" he replies and continues running....
then he meets up with his dad " HABBIB, why are you gallivanting on the streets boy...why are you not making money for the family?....
"I fell in the flour and am all white and dirty and only have 30 mins to go home and change" he replies and continues running
Then he meets up with his mother..."HAABEEEEB"she screams.....what are you doing on da streets boi, you have a baby at home and bills to pay, did we not raise you better than this?"
"Mama, I fell in the flour and am all white and dirty and only have 15mins to go home and change" he replies and continues running
Finally he gets home and pulls out his keys to open the door.....his wife is standing there holding the baby and says screach'ingly "HAAABEEEEB!" what are you doing home, you have a baby to feed and bills to pay, how are you makin money?"
And Habbib replies in utter frustration...."I have been white one fucking hour and already I am sick of you goddamn packies!"
why do fish smell the way they do?
Cause women started swimming
What do you call a black guy in a 3 piece suit?
Defendant
What do you call a dog with three legs
Tripod
What do you call 1000 black guys buried up to their necks?
Afro Turf
Whats long black and smelly?
The unemployment line
How do you know when a blond has been using your computer?
The joystick is sticky
What did the priest say to the alter boy?
BEND OVER........and pray
Why is it always better with twenty five year olds?
cause there's 20 of em
Whats Micheal Jackson's idea of a perfect 10
2 five year olds
(insert heavy Indian accent here)
There is this Paki guy named Habbib that works in a flour factory. One day his boss tells him to change a light bulb over a basin of flour. He grabs a ladders climbs up and when at the top slips and falls in the flower...he runs over to his supervisor and says...."boss, boss, I have fell in the flour and am all white and dirty, can I go home take a shower and change....the boss says..."dammit Habbib, you got one hour to be back here or your fired" "1000 thankyou's, please" Habbib Replys
Habbib heads out on his way home running down the street and meets up his grandfather...."Habbib", he says..."Why are you running down the street and now at work?"
"I fell in the flour and am all white and dirty and only have one hour to go home and change" he replies and continues running...
then he meets up his grandmother..."HAABIB" she says....."what are you doing runnin round the streets boi, don't you have work today?"
"I fell in the flour and am all white and dirty and I only have 45min to go home and change" he replies and continues running....
then he meets up with his dad " HABBIB, why are you gallivanting on the streets boy...why are you not making money for the family?....
"I fell in the flour and am all white and dirty and only have 30 mins to go home and change" he replies and continues running
Then he meets up with his mother..."HAABEEEEB"she screams.....what are you doing on da streets boi, you have a baby at home and bills to pay, did we not raise you better than this?"
"Mama, I fell in the flour and am all white and dirty and only have 15mins to go home and change" he replies and continues running
Finally he gets home and pulls out his keys to open the door.....his wife is standing there holding the baby and says screach'ingly "HAAABEEEEB!" what are you doing home, you have a baby to feed and bills to pay, how are you makin money?"
And Habbib replies in utter frustration...."I have been white one fucking hour and already I am sick of you goddamn packies!"
UNICRONLIVES
Well-Known Member
did you hear about the ethiopian who fell in the alligator pit!?.........ate 3 before they could get'em out!!
tip top toker
Well-Known Member
Think your dad might be telling porkies
Carne Seca
Well-Known Member
A doe walks out of the woods and says, "that's the last time I do that for 2 bucks."
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Larry?"
A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says, "Give me one for the road."
A pirate walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, where'd you get that?" The parrot says, "The Caribbean. There's a ton of them there."
A dog walks into a bar with a bandage wrapped around one foot. He says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this a joke?"
A man walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables. The bartender says "you can stay but don't start anything"
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Larry?"
A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says, "Give me one for the road."
A pirate walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, where'd you get that?" The parrot says, "The Caribbean. There's a ton of them there."
A dog walks into a bar with a bandage wrapped around one foot. He says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this a joke?"
A man walks into a bar with a pair of jumper cables. The bartender says "you can stay but don't start anything"
UNICRONLIVES
Well-Known Member
2 guys walk into a bar..the 3rd one ducks!
Total Head
Well-Known Member
Q: what goes plop plop fizz fizz?
A: twin babies in an acid bath
A pregnant woman was at the hospital giving birth to her baby. The delivery was almost complete, and at long last, the doctor held up the newborn, cut the umbilical cord, and took a moment to look the baby over. Then without missing a beat, the doctor threw the child against a nearby wall with all of his might.
The mother watched in shock as the baby slid to the floor with a sickening thud.The nurses and orderlies stood-by aghast as the doctor proceeded to dribble the newborn around the room like a soccer ball before finally passing the baby through the door into the hall with a mighty kick. Everyone, including the fatigued mother, chased the doctor into the hall just in time to see him scoop up the infant and run down the coridor, stopping just long enough to bodycheck the child into the wall every so often.At the end of the hall, the doctor gave a mighty leap and slam-dunked the baby into a nearby trashcan, giving himself a load roar of approval. Finally the now quite large awe-struck crowd caught up with the doctor. The mother was distraught and burst into tears.
"Why? Why in the name of God did you do that to my baby?" she cried.
The doctor replied: "I’m just joking with you! It was stillborn."
do i win?
A: twin babies in an acid bath
A pregnant woman was at the hospital giving birth to her baby. The delivery was almost complete, and at long last, the doctor held up the newborn, cut the umbilical cord, and took a moment to look the baby over. Then without missing a beat, the doctor threw the child against a nearby wall with all of his might.
The mother watched in shock as the baby slid to the floor with a sickening thud.The nurses and orderlies stood-by aghast as the doctor proceeded to dribble the newborn around the room like a soccer ball before finally passing the baby through the door into the hall with a mighty kick. Everyone, including the fatigued mother, chased the doctor into the hall just in time to see him scoop up the infant and run down the coridor, stopping just long enough to bodycheck the child into the wall every so often.At the end of the hall, the doctor gave a mighty leap and slam-dunked the baby into a nearby trashcan, giving himself a load roar of approval. Finally the now quite large awe-struck crowd caught up with the doctor. The mother was distraught and burst into tears.
"Why? Why in the name of God did you do that to my baby?" she cried.
The doctor replied: "I’m just joking with you! It was stillborn."
do i win?
I already Node
Active Member
A black man, an asian man, and an afghan man walked into a bar. The bartender said get the fuck out!
legalizeitcanada
Well-Known Member
WeeGogs
Active Member
i thought the end was gonna be, it was a bouncing healthy baby and the doctor being an ex soccer goalkeeper bounced it three times and took an almighty goal kick up the field.
WeeGogs
Active Member
a little old lady is driving along the motorway in an old austin mini when suddenly the car broke down so she pulled over and stopped, a few minutes later a ferrari pulled over and the driver asked are you ok, no replied the old lady the car is broken, ok said the man i have a tow rope i will tow you to a garage, if i go too fast for you just peep on your horn and flash your lights to slow me down, ok said the old lady, they are driving along the road when suddenly this top of the range porshe carrera turbo goes flying past, the ferrari driver getting annoyed accelerates up to 90mph to catch the porshe, the porshe driver spots the ferrari and accelerates to 120 the ferrari driver is seething and its now a full on race reaching speeds well over 160mph, they passed a police patrol car at the side of the road and the cop nearly choked on his sandwich, he shouted down the radio, hey listen to this john, a porshe carrera turbo just went past at 167mph, a ferrari behind it going at 166mph and a little old mini behind the ferrari doing 165mph and the old lady driver is peeping the horn and flashing the lights trying to get past.
WeeGogs
Active Member
you must be too then to have heard it.
WeeGogs
Active Member
an englisman a scotsman and an irishman get caught by the pigmys in the forrest, they say to the englishman death or bunjy the englishman trembles and says bbbunjy, they grab him and fuck him up and down the forest for 3 hours then let him go, they say to the scotsman, death or bunjy, seeing what happened to the englishman he replies bbbunjy, they grab him and fuck him upside down for 3 hours and then let him go, they say to the irishman, death or bunjy, he shouts ime from the toughest country in the world, death, so they grab him and shout, death by bunjy.
WeeGogs
Active Member
a scotsman gets caught by the mad suzulu cannibal tribe in the jungle and they take him back to the village, the chief shouts get him in the pot and the scotsman shouts give me a chance, ok shouts the chief, we will give you three tasks if you pass all three we will send you to freedom, ok said the scotsman, the chief directed him to 3 huts in the first hut is a barrel of whiskey if you can drink it all you have passed, in the second hut is a lion with a rotten tooth it is a very angry lion and if you can remove the tooth and the lion is happy you have passed, in the 3rd hut is the village whore the whole suzulu tribe have fucked her and not one of us have satisfied her if you can satisfy her then you are free. ok said the scotsman, he enters the first hut and shuts the door, a lot of gurgling, slurping and burping can be heard, an hour later he staggers out pissed as a fart and the barrel is empty, the chief throws him in the second hut and shuts the door, alot of growling and snarling can be heard , an hour later the scotsman staggers out and the lion is asleep in the hut, the chief throws him in the 3rd hut and shuts the door 2 minutes later he staggers out burps and shouts she has not got a rotten tooth in her mouth.
I already Node
Active Member
You know what the best thing about fking twenty eight; year olds, is? ........ There's twenty of them!
WeeGogs
Active Member
the scotsman was so pissed he got mixed up and shagged the lion, and when he entered the womans tent he thought she was for the tooth extraction.