A Catholic priest, a Boy Scout leader and a lawyer take some boys out on an adventure trip.?
On the flight over, there is engine trouble and the plane is about to go down.
"We have a problem", says the pilot. "There are only three parachutes!"
The Boy Scout leader suggests they give them to the boys.
"Screw the boys," shouts the lawyer.
"Is there time?" asks the priest
Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. The first one says "I've never come this way before"
The second one replies "Must be the cobbles"
The head priest at a certain church was out for the day, so he asked the deacon to do confession for him. The deacon agrees, and the first person that comes says, "Forgive me, for I just gave a guy a blow job."
He says, "You have sinned." Then he looks at the sheet on the wall that had punishments for certain sins on it, but blow job was not on there, so he went out to ask one of the altar boys what he usually gives for a blow job.
The altar boy answered, "Oh, about five dollars."
A married man goes to confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I had an affair with a woman... almost."
"What do you mean almost?" question the priest.
"Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."
"Rubbing together is the same as putting it in," explains the priest. "You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, says his prayers, and then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then decides to leave.
The priest quickly runs over to the man and exclaims, "I saw that... you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
"Well Father, I rubbed up against it and, like you said, it's the same as putting it in!"
A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is smeared with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin is sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opens a newspaper and begins reading.
After a few minutes the guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Loose living; cheap, wicked woman; too much alcohol; and contempt for your fellow man," answers the priest.
"I'll be damned," the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he said, nudges the man and apologizes. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh. How long have you had arthritis?"
"Oh, I don't have it, Father. It says here that the Pope does."
One day out on the farm the owner of the farm goes to his 13 year old son and says, "Son, take this last duck to town and sell it so we can buy our cow some food."
The son agrees to, and as he is walking down the road he passes by a woman. The woman says to the boy, "Son I will fuck you for that duck."
Not thinking, the boy agrees, and they go off in the woods and fuck. When they got done the woman says to the boy, "WOW that was good, I'll give that duck back if you do it again."
So the boy agrees, and they do it again. Well when they get done the boy gets his duck, puts it back on the leash, and starts leading it down the road. When he gets about half way to town a truck comes through and runs over the boy's duck. The truck driver stops, jumps out, and says to the boy, "Son I'm sorry about your duck. Here's 20 dollars."
So the boy takes the money and goes back home. When he gets there he finds his dad, and his dad asks him how he did. The boy says, "Well dad, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck and 20 bucks for a fucked up duck!"
