I've been looking for a job, I've applied for everything in this god forsaken town.. I've literary been to every shop in the town I live in and personally dropped off a resume but I still cant get a job. I'm only 19 years old and I graduated high school last year .. The only types of jobs people my age can get here are telemarketing.. and I've worked at all the telemarketing jobs there are here.. I'm not the best at it and I hate doing it. I have been really trying to get a job but simply have had no luck. I am growing ... I can post pics some other time, I started 12/12 yesterday. Getting an apartment where I live is really hard.. I had a job but now i don't so I could afford it before. My apartment costs 543 dollars per month.. and its not a nice place. but its the only thing I can find, the only place where I can grow/live.. before I didn't have any place to live at all... Growing is my main source of money now. I will get my last paycheck from work at the end of this month, and that has to last me two payments + electricity for this place. I live in Sweden. My father killed himself after drinking / mixing medication and my mom met a swedish guy some time after over the internet so we moved here when I was 13... but they divorced now.. he was abusive to me, my mom, my brother, and sister.. he hit me sometimes.. My family moved from Sweden after being here for five years but I decided to stay here with my girlfriend cause I thought we had something special.. we were together for a little bit more than a year.. but today we broke up cause she doesn't love me anymore. I had the chance to go with my family but I stayed here.. I feel like a fool. My mom, brother, and sister all live in america so I'm pretty much here by myself now. I can't tell my mom we broke up cause she doesn't know I'm growing.. she thinks we have a wonderful relationship so if i did tell her she would want me to come home. she thinks i have a job, and she doesn't have the money to pay a ticket for me cause it costs around 1500 dollars.. so i cant tell her anyway. I have 14 dollars on my account. I wont have the money to eat for the coming months. I just don't know what I'm gonna do with myself. I just got to tough it out these lasts months until my plants are done. life isn't fair. too many people suffer. but what can you do, this is the world we live in.