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Wotcher boys, just checking in cos I missed you all but can't stay, I'm on this new productivity vibe and all social media is forbidden (by me) until past midnight (by which time I am generally too stoned and knackered to do more than mentally log in to RIU and write a few imaginary posts)...

Morning kids, is it Friday yet? @Saerimmner - love love love yr sig :D Hang on, I haven't changed my own sig since... Well since I could be arsed to write one in the first place. *Adding to "things to do when next stoned" section of To-Do List*

I only opened my laptop because I actually missed you kids. I think I'm very near the bottom of that slippery slope my parents warned me about. Have spent past week... 3 days? Mebbe a fortnight, not sure. Anyway, have spent past few whatevers in a state that medical practitioners refer to as...

Brat's dad is a dangerous but impossibly charming and likeable cunt. He's just rumbled my entire "new" ID - the name I adopted for work after I came here, all my related social media accounts and networks, etc. So I wondered if there was anything that could lead him to this forum too.

EMERGENCY!!!! Are RIU posts indexed on Google? PsychoExo has declared cyber war. Found the new pseudonym I use for work, has fuckered that totally, lost everything, the entire professional network I've built over the past 9 months or so, all goorrn. Luckily too adrenaline-drenched to care much...

Aaargh I missed the Ninja again. Aaargh. Same thing always happened with Santa Claus. GRRRRRR.

:D But could u deliver for 5 quid, same day? It's an emergency.

IC3 - inbox *waggling eyebrows seductively* Waiting for my punch-bag to arrive. No proper beds, nowhere to dry laundry, no shower, no problem. But nothing to kick the shit out of at 3 a.m.? Problem. Yorkie, loved the new tent. None of you boys are enterprising enough. One of you should offer a...

Nice one :D I know the entire UK thread thinks that mummy has no toys (yeah Chedz, that one still rankles :P), but I've just realized it would be the perfect way to disguise my vaporizer...

Does Ona gel really work? If it weren't for the Brat I'd never open my door to anyone. Few weeks ago I freaked to see a cop-like figure at the door, and tried to persuade the Brat to play Hide-and-seek (instead of cheerfully unlocking and unbolting the door to total strangers like it normally...

So what happens to the tent and its contents when landlord/ family etc. come knocking? Always wondered. Not something that can fit under the bed like the rest of the crap I kick there in the event of an emergency visit.

Dying. Food poisoning. Or maybe just poisoning. Dying. I want my mummy.

No weed, and I've just run out of chocolate. Life is not worth staying awake for tonight, but of course I can't sleep. I feel a movie moment coming on... Nite all =)

If weed's the cure then what was the disease again...? *blissfully amnesiac* OK this is just me touching base, have spent pretty much every moment so far in the new house either stoned or half-stoned or looking forward to getting stoned. No more weed until my ninja does his ninja thing, so I'm...

Agoraphobia?

Oh yeah I'm 100% with you there dude, give me a room full of rabid dogs any day... RIU is the extent of my social life thank you very much. Tell the missus you want a romantic Sunday lunch in bed. Make it more convincing by ordering takeaway plus wine. I dunno, it always works on guys though...

Every time I see "psycho" and "exo" in the same post I think of my kid's biological father :finger:

How did you manage that? You live in my ideal house.

There's no initiation rite :)

@ whoever asked, the nearly getting killed thing, it was just me being in the wrong place at the wrong time, some freak with a fetish for knives, 13 days I've successfully buried under a ton of skunk, can't remember a thing really :D Stephen King shit, followed by dramatic rescue by police just...