th3bigbad
Well-Known Member
as i type this im not real sure why im doing it. maybe venting, maybe for some random 3rd person insight, or maybe for some completely self absorbed reason. (for those that dont know me to well,,, i get called that alot lately) i dont think i am at all, i work hard everyday to take care of what needs to be taken care of. im single with no kids, so i really dont have alot to absorb much of my time other than work.
the thing that has me writing this is that my father died over the weekend. it was unexpected altho not a complete shock. he was just 48, but he was a heavy drinker and meth user.
he and i never got along. he and my mom splitup when i was 10 because he would beat her. i would see him every few months for the next few years, he would move in with us when his girlfriend would kick him out. when i was 13 he started beating me inplace of my mom. that was on and off for a few years. by the time i was 16 i was bigger and stronger than him so the beatings stopped, and so did his comeing around. on my 16th birthday we both ended up on the ER. he had a beer bottle broke over his head and i had a cut on my head from a frying pan.
i didnt see him for a few years. i would bump into him at a store or whatever and we wouldnt talk or ever look at each other. i had nothing to do with that side of my family at all. they all pitied him, and hated me for not being around when they would have X-mas parties or things like that.
in my early 20's i started drag racing. he went to the local track and as time passed we started talking again. not as father and son, but more as 2 people that hungout a few hours 2 or 3 times a year.
finally last year i invited him out to a cookout at my house before i headed out on my summer vacation. i take a road trip every summer on my bike for a week. it worked out that he and i were headed to the same bike rally, so we went together. we camped out over the weekend and did alot of talking. we both cleared the air about many things the other didnt know, and atleast in some way bonded.
we talked atleast once a month untill the first of this year. nothing bad happened between us, he just got a new girlfriend. i guess in some way i had gotten used to new girlfriend=me on back burner. i called him a few times and he never returned my calls, so i said fuck it. i stopped calling in feb. the last time i talked to him was X-mas day last year.
then im setting in my office monday afternoon reading the paper, and i see his obituary. he was buried about an hour before i knew he was dead. i get on the phone and start calling his mom,sis, bro, and g/f trying to find out anything i could. i couldnt reach any1 so i drove 45 miles to the gaveyard that his family uses to find a handfull of flowers a few chairs and a big mound of dirt.
when i left there i went to his house to talk to his girlfriend and see what happened. when i pulled up almost every1 from his side of the family was there. by the time i got there it was late and most the people where on their way out, but not 1 person said anything to me. it was like i wasnt even there. when i would say something they would just ignore me and keep walking. i finally got to his g/f and she told me that he had known for 2 months that he was dieing. that he had made all the plans for how he wanted his funeral. (songs, what he wanted to be wareing that kinda stuff) i asked why he didnt tell me and all she said was he was a private person. i asked why they didnt call me to let me know about him dieing, the funeral, or any of that stuff and she told me that his mother thought it was best if i didnt go to the funeral.
my father never made much money and didnt have much. i make a decent income, and only have myself to take care of so i asked her who was paying for the funeral. she said that his mother was, he had left her his bike to sell to pay for it, but she hadnt sold it yet. i then asked the g/f how much it all was going to cost his mother, and she said alil over 6,000.00. keep in mind his bike is a 82 honda worth about 400.00.
i left that night not wanting to stir up any bad feelings at a bad time. i went to the bank this morning and got out enough to cover the cost of his funeral, and took it out to his mothers house. when i got there she was talking to my cousin about my father. i told her i had the money for the funeral. she acted like we were bestest buddies. then i told her wanted the bike because loveing to ride was really the only thing we had incommon.
thats when it all went south. she told me that she wasnt going to sell me the bike, and that she would burn it before i would get it. she added that i was just looking to "rob a dead man". after a few mins of her explaining exactly how sorry of a human i am to me i had enough. i told her that i was trying to be nice and if she didnt want the money that was cool with me.( i was fired up so i cant remember my exact words, but it was something like "if you dont want it im sure there is a bartender and a few strippers out there that will." then she got even madder because she was thinking i was going to pay for the funeral even tho she was curseing me. once she figured out i wasnt she started yelling and throwing shit everywhere. so i split. that was like 10 tuesday morning, since then i have gotten 14 calls from that side of the family wanting to know if im going to pay for it or not.
and thats where im at now. i kinda feel i should pay for it, but i also feel like im a fool if i do. i know ill never be wanted by those people, i know that money is the only reason that they are calling me, but he was my father. what do yall think??? should i just pay for it,,, if so why??? or should i not pay for it and just move on,,,,,if so why????
the thing that has me writing this is that my father died over the weekend. it was unexpected altho not a complete shock. he was just 48, but he was a heavy drinker and meth user.
he and i never got along. he and my mom splitup when i was 10 because he would beat her. i would see him every few months for the next few years, he would move in with us when his girlfriend would kick him out. when i was 13 he started beating me inplace of my mom. that was on and off for a few years. by the time i was 16 i was bigger and stronger than him so the beatings stopped, and so did his comeing around. on my 16th birthday we both ended up on the ER. he had a beer bottle broke over his head and i had a cut on my head from a frying pan.
i didnt see him for a few years. i would bump into him at a store or whatever and we wouldnt talk or ever look at each other. i had nothing to do with that side of my family at all. they all pitied him, and hated me for not being around when they would have X-mas parties or things like that.
in my early 20's i started drag racing. he went to the local track and as time passed we started talking again. not as father and son, but more as 2 people that hungout a few hours 2 or 3 times a year.
finally last year i invited him out to a cookout at my house before i headed out on my summer vacation. i take a road trip every summer on my bike for a week. it worked out that he and i were headed to the same bike rally, so we went together. we camped out over the weekend and did alot of talking. we both cleared the air about many things the other didnt know, and atleast in some way bonded.
we talked atleast once a month untill the first of this year. nothing bad happened between us, he just got a new girlfriend. i guess in some way i had gotten used to new girlfriend=me on back burner. i called him a few times and he never returned my calls, so i said fuck it. i stopped calling in feb. the last time i talked to him was X-mas day last year.
then im setting in my office monday afternoon reading the paper, and i see his obituary. he was buried about an hour before i knew he was dead. i get on the phone and start calling his mom,sis, bro, and g/f trying to find out anything i could. i couldnt reach any1 so i drove 45 miles to the gaveyard that his family uses to find a handfull of flowers a few chairs and a big mound of dirt.
when i left there i went to his house to talk to his girlfriend and see what happened. when i pulled up almost every1 from his side of the family was there. by the time i got there it was late and most the people where on their way out, but not 1 person said anything to me. it was like i wasnt even there. when i would say something they would just ignore me and keep walking. i finally got to his g/f and she told me that he had known for 2 months that he was dieing. that he had made all the plans for how he wanted his funeral. (songs, what he wanted to be wareing that kinda stuff) i asked why he didnt tell me and all she said was he was a private person. i asked why they didnt call me to let me know about him dieing, the funeral, or any of that stuff and she told me that his mother thought it was best if i didnt go to the funeral.
my father never made much money and didnt have much. i make a decent income, and only have myself to take care of so i asked her who was paying for the funeral. she said that his mother was, he had left her his bike to sell to pay for it, but she hadnt sold it yet. i then asked the g/f how much it all was going to cost his mother, and she said alil over 6,000.00. keep in mind his bike is a 82 honda worth about 400.00.
i left that night not wanting to stir up any bad feelings at a bad time. i went to the bank this morning and got out enough to cover the cost of his funeral, and took it out to his mothers house. when i got there she was talking to my cousin about my father. i told her i had the money for the funeral. she acted like we were bestest buddies. then i told her wanted the bike because loveing to ride was really the only thing we had incommon.
thats when it all went south. she told me that she wasnt going to sell me the bike, and that she would burn it before i would get it. she added that i was just looking to "rob a dead man". after a few mins of her explaining exactly how sorry of a human i am to me i had enough. i told her that i was trying to be nice and if she didnt want the money that was cool with me.( i was fired up so i cant remember my exact words, but it was something like "if you dont want it im sure there is a bartender and a few strippers out there that will." then she got even madder because she was thinking i was going to pay for the funeral even tho she was curseing me. once she figured out i wasnt she started yelling and throwing shit everywhere. so i split. that was like 10 tuesday morning, since then i have gotten 14 calls from that side of the family wanting to know if im going to pay for it or not.
and thats where im at now. i kinda feel i should pay for it, but i also feel like im a fool if i do. i know ill never be wanted by those people, i know that money is the only reason that they are calling me, but he was my father. what do yall think??? should i just pay for it,,, if so why??? or should i not pay for it and just move on,,,,,if so why????
hope it all works out for you my friend. sounds like you are doing the right thing. 
