EnragedHobo
Active Member
Being familiar with other hallucinogenic substances, I prepared the environment I choose to trip in by carefully choosing the music and lighting I thought would be most "trippy". The room was very dark, only illuminated by multicolored colored Christmas lights that were in sync with the music. Seated next to me were my two friends, both eager for me to experience what they were both very familiar with. They were pleased with my relucant agreement to venture back into the psychedelic world. My decision to trip was to conquer my fear.
I have a fear of losing control. The mind unfathomably powerful, and we only control a very small portion of it. I have long practiced meditation in a seemingly futile effort to master my mind. To be in control. To be at peace. I have a fear of losing my grip on reality, to be powerless.
When offered a chance to take a hit of saliva, my heart clinched in fear. Being afraid like that was unfamiliar to me, I was ashamed of my cowardice, especially toward something I knew could not hurt me. To master myself, I had to master my fear. Embolden by my new resolve, my fear dissapated into courage as I finally agreed to try salvia.
We came to the arrangement that I would clear the bowl of what remained after my friend to the left would leave. He hit the bong and passed it slowly to me, and I proceeded to clear the bowl and hold it in as long as possible. I let myself enter a clear state of mind and just stared at the color changing wall. After about a minute I let out my hit only to see just a faint wisp of smoke come out. I waited calmly for whatever was supposed to happen. Nothing did. I looked at my friend to right who did not hit it and gave a shrug. I looked at my friend to the left and he was staring into nothingness.
After all the turmoil in my soul, after confronting my inadequacies and fears, this was my reward. Feeling disappointed, and motioned for my friend to load a bowl for me. He packed 10x and handed the bong to me. I ripped it has hard as I could and passed the remainder to my friend on the left. As I breathed out, my reality was torn away.
My whole existance, everything I know as what governs this world was gone. My vision of the room was as if a sheet of paper, and I watched as a hand grabbed the top right corner of my world and ripped it off like a page in a book. Almost like a computer program, my reality crashed. I understood it as the life I was living, had a system error and crashed. As soon as the question of what the hell was happening, I was immediately answered by an entity. The entity was myself, and the answer was beyond words, just the horrid realization that I had left this plane of existance and was free falling with no hope. I did not have the mind power to reason, for there was no need to, I knew exactly what was happening, the world I knew ended and I was lost. I was in horror, not panicked, only in sheer disbelief. The only words that could form in my mind were "are you fucking shitting me?" The question was posed to myself as I was informed by my mind that I had died. In the real world, all that came out was "Err yuu fer shi" over and over as I free fell in other diminsions. I couldn't believe that my world had ended and I was powerless to do anything but watch in horror as I would spend an endless waking in no reality. A dark void which my soul would remain.
My friends watched as I attempted to stand but instead fell on my face and started to crawl around the carpet. I vaguely remember looking up at a lamp which reminded me of one I used to have in another house I lived in long ago. This must have triggered something inside my head as I had visions of different places I had been. They were pages in a book, every scene and I desperately fought to find the right one. After landing in one, I gasped out, "it this the real one" in which my asshole friends decided to mess with me by saying "no". I looked at them in horror, for in my mind they knew exactly what was happening to me, and I was in the wrong dimension. I crawled to a section of concrete on the ground which I identified as the spine of the book, closed my eyes and was wisked away to a different page. I opened my eyes and was at the same place before, and I knew this was the wrong reality because they told me so earlier, so I crawled back to the spine of the book and closed my eyes again. I again was taken to this dimension. Salvia was beginning to diminish and I was regaining control, so I was able to stand. I looked at my friends, whom were strangers to me, in this other world. They asked me if I was done, whatever that meant.. I nodded yes. I had to play along. I was sure I was not in the right world, I was positive. I wanted to go back to the spine and find my way home but something compelled me to play along. Salvia was fading as I slowly shuffled myself into the living room onto the couch. I was still tripping a little because I watched the whole room falling down. Everything was rolling down hill in my vision and my body felt extremely heavy. I layed on my back and began to feel the power to remember. I took salvia, that explained it. During my trip there was no such logic, no such reasoning. No rememberance.
I am writing this only a few hours after tripping. The memory is fading fast. It becomming hard to recall the intensity of the trip, but believe me, it was unbelievable. It was so real, so powerful, I did not know the mind was capable of altering reality like that. Looking back on this experience, I would not necessarily say it was a bad trip, but exactly what I feared. I feel closing to becoming at peace with myself. I didn't enjoy the salvia trip by any stretch of the imagination, but it was an experience. Some look for that loss of control, some need to escape from reality, I wish to master it.
I have a fear of losing control. The mind unfathomably powerful, and we only control a very small portion of it. I have long practiced meditation in a seemingly futile effort to master my mind. To be in control. To be at peace. I have a fear of losing my grip on reality, to be powerless.
When offered a chance to take a hit of saliva, my heart clinched in fear. Being afraid like that was unfamiliar to me, I was ashamed of my cowardice, especially toward something I knew could not hurt me. To master myself, I had to master my fear. Embolden by my new resolve, my fear dissapated into courage as I finally agreed to try salvia.
We came to the arrangement that I would clear the bowl of what remained after my friend to the left would leave. He hit the bong and passed it slowly to me, and I proceeded to clear the bowl and hold it in as long as possible. I let myself enter a clear state of mind and just stared at the color changing wall. After about a minute I let out my hit only to see just a faint wisp of smoke come out. I waited calmly for whatever was supposed to happen. Nothing did. I looked at my friend to right who did not hit it and gave a shrug. I looked at my friend to the left and he was staring into nothingness.
After all the turmoil in my soul, after confronting my inadequacies and fears, this was my reward. Feeling disappointed, and motioned for my friend to load a bowl for me. He packed 10x and handed the bong to me. I ripped it has hard as I could and passed the remainder to my friend on the left. As I breathed out, my reality was torn away.
My whole existance, everything I know as what governs this world was gone. My vision of the room was as if a sheet of paper, and I watched as a hand grabbed the top right corner of my world and ripped it off like a page in a book. Almost like a computer program, my reality crashed. I understood it as the life I was living, had a system error and crashed. As soon as the question of what the hell was happening, I was immediately answered by an entity. The entity was myself, and the answer was beyond words, just the horrid realization that I had left this plane of existance and was free falling with no hope. I did not have the mind power to reason, for there was no need to, I knew exactly what was happening, the world I knew ended and I was lost. I was in horror, not panicked, only in sheer disbelief. The only words that could form in my mind were "are you fucking shitting me?" The question was posed to myself as I was informed by my mind that I had died. In the real world, all that came out was "Err yuu fer shi" over and over as I free fell in other diminsions. I couldn't believe that my world had ended and I was powerless to do anything but watch in horror as I would spend an endless waking in no reality. A dark void which my soul would remain.
My friends watched as I attempted to stand but instead fell on my face and started to crawl around the carpet. I vaguely remember looking up at a lamp which reminded me of one I used to have in another house I lived in long ago. This must have triggered something inside my head as I had visions of different places I had been. They were pages in a book, every scene and I desperately fought to find the right one. After landing in one, I gasped out, "it this the real one" in which my asshole friends decided to mess with me by saying "no". I looked at them in horror, for in my mind they knew exactly what was happening to me, and I was in the wrong dimension. I crawled to a section of concrete on the ground which I identified as the spine of the book, closed my eyes and was wisked away to a different page. I opened my eyes and was at the same place before, and I knew this was the wrong reality because they told me so earlier, so I crawled back to the spine of the book and closed my eyes again. I again was taken to this dimension. Salvia was beginning to diminish and I was regaining control, so I was able to stand. I looked at my friends, whom were strangers to me, in this other world. They asked me if I was done, whatever that meant.. I nodded yes. I had to play along. I was sure I was not in the right world, I was positive. I wanted to go back to the spine and find my way home but something compelled me to play along. Salvia was fading as I slowly shuffled myself into the living room onto the couch. I was still tripping a little because I watched the whole room falling down. Everything was rolling down hill in my vision and my body felt extremely heavy. I layed on my back and began to feel the power to remember. I took salvia, that explained it. During my trip there was no such logic, no such reasoning. No rememberance.
I am writing this only a few hours after tripping. The memory is fading fast. It becomming hard to recall the intensity of the trip, but believe me, it was unbelievable. It was so real, so powerful, I did not know the mind was capable of altering reality like that. Looking back on this experience, I would not necessarily say it was a bad trip, but exactly what I feared. I feel closing to becoming at peace with myself. I didn't enjoy the salvia trip by any stretch of the imagination, but it was an experience. Some look for that loss of control, some need to escape from reality, I wish to master it.
