Guys. Being friends with a woman?
- Thread starter ganji11
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sarah22
Well-Known Member
wow, men are so unbelievable at times.
maybe she just really likes having you around as a friend, and she's not interested in taking it to the next level with you. i've had several guy friends who've wanted more, but im just not interested in being with them. does that mean we're not friends now? no.
what about when the situation is flipped and its the girl who likes the guy but he just thinks of her as a friend and isnt interested in anything more? that happens to me too. i dont run. i dont take off because i cant get him to be with me. i accept that this person is not interested in a romantic relationship with me and that they just want to be friends. i dont stop being their friend. i dont make any efforts to get into their pants. i just accept that it is what it is, and i continue to be their friend and look for other prospects for a romantic relationship.
this whole "put out or get out" shit is ridiculous. a girl should be able to be friends with guys...*just* friends. and not have to worry that guys are thinking these things because they dont want to fuck them.
if shes putting out for others, and not you...then she doesnt want to. theres not much more to it than that. if you spend time talking to her and giving her a shoulder to cry on when she's upset, then good on you. thats a great friend to have around. sometimes girls like to talk to guys about these things, instead of their girls. its a different perspective. and its nice to have a guy to go to that you can talk to who actually cares and isnt interested in what you have to say simply to get laid, but because they actually care about your feelings and your wellbeing.
maybe she just really likes having you around as a friend, and she's not interested in taking it to the next level with you. i've had several guy friends who've wanted more, but im just not interested in being with them. does that mean we're not friends now? no.
what about when the situation is flipped and its the girl who likes the guy but he just thinks of her as a friend and isnt interested in anything more? that happens to me too. i dont run. i dont take off because i cant get him to be with me. i accept that this person is not interested in a romantic relationship with me and that they just want to be friends. i dont stop being their friend. i dont make any efforts to get into their pants. i just accept that it is what it is, and i continue to be their friend and look for other prospects for a romantic relationship.
this whole "put out or get out" shit is ridiculous. a girl should be able to be friends with guys...*just* friends. and not have to worry that guys are thinking these things because they dont want to fuck them.
if shes putting out for others, and not you...then she doesnt want to. theres not much more to it than that. if you spend time talking to her and giving her a shoulder to cry on when she's upset, then good on you. thats a great friend to have around. sometimes girls like to talk to guys about these things, instead of their girls. its a different perspective. and its nice to have a guy to go to that you can talk to who actually cares and isnt interested in what you have to say simply to get laid, but because they actually care about your feelings and your wellbeing.
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Priscilla420
Guest
Very, very well said!
+rep
sarah22
Well-Known Member
*passes bowl* 
ImTheFireMan
Well-Known Member
what a head ache bro, believe me, i think we've all been there.
i would say just be her friend and let nature take its course. dont treat her like shes just a vagina.
think of that girl as a homie. i grew up in a house full of females so its easy for me to read girls and i tend to open up better to them.
at the same time, dont stop doing you. if you feel something in your gut, most of the time that feeling is correct.
i wouldnt put my life on pause for this girl. but i wouldnt write her off either since it sounds like you like her.
just keep hangin out, no pressure, and try not to bring up the fact that you like her anymore, you've already said it once, no need to reiterate.
she knows. as long as she is not being inconsiderate of your feelings (i.e. she knows you like her, so if she starts making out with another guy in front of you, thats not cool) but at least now you know how it truly is.
just keep being the solid guy that you know you are with out letting her walk all over you and she will come around if she knows whats good.
in the mean time, its always good to have seeds planted all in more than one place, no pun intended.
in the mean time, for you my friend, i recommend picking up a book called "the game" by neil strauss.
its a good read and gives you a helpful insight on situations like this.
i would say just be her friend and let nature take its course. dont treat her like shes just a vagina.
think of that girl as a homie. i grew up in a house full of females so its easy for me to read girls and i tend to open up better to them.
at the same time, dont stop doing you. if you feel something in your gut, most of the time that feeling is correct.
i wouldnt put my life on pause for this girl. but i wouldnt write her off either since it sounds like you like her.
just keep hangin out, no pressure, and try not to bring up the fact that you like her anymore, you've already said it once, no need to reiterate.
she knows. as long as she is not being inconsiderate of your feelings (i.e. she knows you like her, so if she starts making out with another guy in front of you, thats not cool) but at least now you know how it truly is.
just keep being the solid guy that you know you are with out letting her walk all over you and she will come around if she knows whats good.
in the mean time, its always good to have seeds planted all in more than one place, no pun intended.
in the mean time, for you my friend, i recommend picking up a book called "the game" by neil strauss.
its a good read and gives you a helpful insight on situations like this.
FireCoral
Active Member
Yes, that was put perfectly, and what I was trying to explain in my first post. But I didn't word it right, I think. +rep
FireCoral
Active Member
I just wanted to focus on this one point as well and say that I've learned that men are somewhat incapable of being just friends with a girl. I've lost many guys friends just because they realized that I don't want them, sexually. It really sucks, I hate it. And I've lost some of my best friends over it. Not all, but a lot of guys lack the mental capacity to think of or look at a woman without thinking sexual thoughts. What are the statistics? I think it's that the average man thinks about sex in some way every 8 seconds. At that rate, it's nearly impossible for a guy to hang out with a girl without thinking about banging her.
Hmm.... I wonder what they do when they hang out with other guys
Women, on the other hand, put other things in our minds before sex.; work, kids, what to cook for dinner, growing weed
I dunno. I think about sex maybe every 1-3 hours. So, there's a lot more thinking going on there. But think of it, as a woman (straight or not) don't you ever find yourself looking at other women and "sizing them up"? I'm straight as a board, but I find the female figure attractive and nice to look at. I can just imagine that if I liked girls, I'd probably not want to be their friend if I couldn't have them too
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Priscilla420
Guest
I just wanted to focus on this one point as well and say that I've learned that men are somewhat incapable of being just friends with a girl. I've lost many guys friends just because they realized that I don't want them, sexually. It really sucks, I hate it. And I've lost some of my best friends over it. Not all, but a lot of guys lack the mental capacity to think of or look at a woman without thinking sexual thoughts. What are the statistics? I think it's that the average man thinks about sex in some way every 8 seconds. At that rate, it's nearly impossible for a guy to hang out with a girl without thinking about banging her.
Hmm.... I wonder what they do when they hang out with other guys
Women, on the other hand, put other things in our minds before sex.; work, kids, what to cook for dinner, growing weed
Definitely. This has happened to me a few times in the past. I've lost what I thought was a good friend because one night he decides to hit on me and when they find out I'm not interested, they disappear. It's sad that most guys aren't capable of being just friends with a girl. I personally see nothing wrong with it. If it was up to me, I'd have a lot of guy friends and keep the relationships simply platonic.. but in this world, its almost impossible. Thats why most guys dont want their girlfriend to have any guy friends... cause they know what the deal is. They know that most of them just really wanna get in your pants cause they were probably the same way before they got with you.
cackpircings
Well-Known Member
No matter what there is no such thing as a good guy and girl friend relationship, especially if the girl is good looking. Now if its your buddys girl than its a different story. I spent countless years being friends with girls and all I wanted to do was sleep with them. There is no good answer to your question. Youre always going to be attracted to girls that want to be friends. It just gets you frustrated. Only be friends with girls that will put out. Don't waste your time life to short.... TRUTH!-Cackalack
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Priscilla420
Guest
-Cackalack
Are you serious??
ANC
Well-Known Member
I think its just part of biology...
Girls don't realy have the ability to understand how tender some men realy are, that friend that eventualy jumped you, how long he may have lived in wonder and attraction to you.
I understand you thinking diffirently, but that is just one of the beautifull things of being young. One is overly optimistic.
I'll say it again, unless you are like realy ugly (and even the less pretty get boyfriends), there is no (straight) man, who just wants to be friends.... regardless of what he may say.
When one is young one thinks the defining thing about a relationship is the physical things like kissing and holding hands and more, as you grow in a relationship with someone, you realise the main part of it IS the friendship.
So if you have a deep cross gender friendship, you allready have 95% of a relationship.
Girls don't realy have the ability to understand how tender some men realy are, that friend that eventualy jumped you, how long he may have lived in wonder and attraction to you.
I understand you thinking diffirently, but that is just one of the beautifull things of being young. One is overly optimistic.
I'll say it again, unless you are like realy ugly (and even the less pretty get boyfriends), there is no (straight) man, who just wants to be friends.... regardless of what he may say.
When one is young one thinks the defining thing about a relationship is the physical things like kissing and holding hands and more, as you grow in a relationship with someone, you realise the main part of it IS the friendship.
So if you have a deep cross gender friendship, you allready have 95% of a relationship.
sarah22
Well-Known Member
lol i dont have this dilemma very often. guys that i have as friends rarely hit on me. i think its different for fat chicks hehe. they're just naturally not attracted to me, so they all only see me as a friend anyway. and its perfect because we can just chill out and no ones thinking about fucking the other.
P
Priscilla420
Guest
Its not something I really have to worry about anymore since I have been in a serious relationship with my fiance for 3 years, but this was definitely an issue in the past. It sucked. Its nice that you're able to have guy friends like that, though.. really nice. It keeps things fun and simple.. without drama or hurt feelings.lol i dont have this dilemma very often. guys that i have as friends rarely hit on me. i think its different for fat chicks hehe. they're just naturally not attracted to me, so they all only see me as a friend anyway. and its perfect because we can just chill out and no ones thinking about fucking the other.
c0lchester
Active Member
any guy who wouldn't date a girl he though was cool just cause she's a bit plump is insecure and superficial, quite possibly a friuti dont think im *really* ugly lol, just moderately
sarah22
Well-Known Member
lol i agree, but i live in a city with a big college and a big university. people come from all over the globe to our university...the vast majority of the guys around here are insecure superficial students lol. and not to say all students are like that...but theres A LOT of that type around here. theres also a whole ton of drop dead gorgeous girls from the uni too, so its like with sports games...i get picked last lol. but in all honesty, im not exactly bothered by the fact that the insecure douche bags dont like me haha. im relieved to be fat actually...then i dont have to deal with them at all. and then the only guys im left dealing with are the ones who are actually really nice and fun to hang out with. its a win-win
