If this is your idea of learning to grow, you might as well hang it up. This site is loaded with resources that will turn anyone that can read into a decent grower. The question is, how passionate are you about our hobby? It's not wise to tell anyone in the open forums where you are located. You have 'waiting to be busted' written all over you...
Try this link and also head to your bookstore or Amazon and check out growing books. If you want a recommendation on reading material, you'll get lot's of help and assistance, but no one is going to pick up a stranger by the hand and take them through a bunch of baby steps while teaching them to grow.
You need some initiative...
Now if you are willing to pay by the hour, please state so and I'm sure someone would love to teach you....