`SoA || Asi
Well-Known Member
[youtube]Zc7zh4RMGtg[/youtube]
[youtube]VFmOLHKfOK8[/youtube]
[youtube]VFmOLHKfOK8[/youtube]
Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS
- Thread starter Big P
- Start date
DST
Well-Known Member
unorthodox
Active Member
this is what your missing on tv
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! Y ES!
I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! Y ES!
I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
unorthodox
Active Member
the thundercats hooo actually gave me goosebumps at the end. i hope its real and i hope they dont destroy it
[video=youtube;QtTZu9OlypU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtTZu9OlypU&feature=player_embedded[/video]
[video=youtube;QtTZu9OlypU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtTZu9OlypU&feature=player_embedded[/video]
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Two Cajuns
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking dem
> bud-lite.
>
> Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says, 'You know me, I'm tired of going tru
> life without dat education. Tomorrow me I'm goin to dat Community College
> and sign me up for some classes.'
>
> Thibodeaux thinks it's a good idea and the two have another bud-lite.
>
> The next day, Boudreaux goes down to the college and meets Dean of
> Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English,
> History, and Logic.
>
> 'Logic?' Boudreaux says. 'What's dat Hun?'
>
> The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'
>
> 'Yeah.'
>
> 'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you
> would have a yard.'
>
> 'Dat's right, I do have a yard.'
>
> 'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard,
> I think logically
> that you would have a house.'
>
> 'Mais Yeh, I got me a house dare.'
>
> 'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
> family.'
>
> 'Mais Yeh dats right too, I have a family.
>
> 'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have
> a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
> heterosexual.'
>
> 'I am a heterosexual. Dat's amazing, you were able to find all dat out
> because I got da weed eater.'
>
> Excited to take the class now, Boudreaux shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
> to go meet Thibodeaux at the bar. He tells Thibodeaux about his classes,
> how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
>
> 'Logic? ' Thibodeaux says, 'What's dat?'
>
> Boudreaux says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'
>
> 'No.'
>
> 'Den you're a queer.'
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking dem
> bud-lite.
>
> Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says, 'You know me, I'm tired of going tru
> life without dat education. Tomorrow me I'm goin to dat Community College
> and sign me up for some classes.'
>
> Thibodeaux thinks it's a good idea and the two have another bud-lite.
>
> The next day, Boudreaux goes down to the college and meets Dean of
> Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English,
> History, and Logic.
>
> 'Logic?' Boudreaux says. 'What's dat Hun?'
>
> The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'
>
> 'Yeah.'
>
> 'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you
> would have a yard.'
>
> 'Dat's right, I do have a yard.'
>
> 'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard,
> I think logically
> that you would have a house.'
>
> 'Mais Yeh, I got me a house dare.'
>
> 'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
> family.'
>
> 'Mais Yeh dats right too, I have a family.
>
> 'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have
> a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
> heterosexual.'
>
> 'I am a heterosexual. Dat's amazing, you were able to find all dat out
> because I got da weed eater.'
>
> Excited to take the class now, Boudreaux shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
> to go meet Thibodeaux at the bar. He tells Thibodeaux about his classes,
> how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
>
> 'Logic? ' Thibodeaux says, 'What's dat?'
>
> Boudreaux says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'
>
> 'No.'
>
> 'Den you're a queer.'
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Achkmed the Arab came to the United States from the Middle East ,and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.
Finally, he went to an Arabian doctor who said: ' Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, Poops in de bucket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes. ' Achkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, poops in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes. Coming back to the doctor he said, ' It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me? ' The doctor said .... ' You were homesick ' .
Finally, he went to an Arabian doctor who said: ' Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, Poops in de bucket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes. ' Achkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, poops in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes. Coming back to the doctor he said, ' It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me? ' The doctor said .... ' You were homesick ' .
unorthodox
Active Member
haha very true ive been to iraq, some parts just smell like hot shit
woodsmaneh!
Well-Known Member
Adopt a Terrorist
Take a minute to read this... its quite humorous!!
A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
She received back the following reply: National Defence Headquarters
MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2
Canada
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa.
You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.
We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.
We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group.
He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man.
You take good care of Ahmed and remember we'll be watching.
Good luck and God bless you.
Cordially,
Gordon O’Connor
Minister of National Defense
Take a minute to read this... its quite humorous!!
A lady Canadian libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
She received back the following reply: National Defence Headquarters
MGen George R. Pearkes Bldg, 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa, ON K1A 0K2
Canada
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa.
You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself; we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to divert one terrorist and place him in your personal care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint.
It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers. We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommend in your letter. Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him overcome these character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences.
We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers.
We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group.
He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.
Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man.
You take good care of Ahmed and remember we'll be watching.
Good luck and God bless you.
Cordially,
Gordon O’Connor
Minister of National Defense
woodsmaneh!
Well-Known Member
[FONT="]Pady goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For goodness "sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
An American tourist asks an Irishman:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the flippin' boat."
[/FONT]
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
Vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
Paddy shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.
Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
Cop says "For goodness "sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging about!"
An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy" he replies.
An American tourist asks an Irishman:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the flippin' boat."
[/FONT]
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
I should say something amusing here, but I can't think of anything.
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
How the heck does this work.
[video=youtube;EyoE57v9EFk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyoE57v9EFk[/video]
[video=youtube;EyoE57v9EFk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyoE57v9EFk[/video]
Dirty Harry
Well-Known Member
Leothwyn
Well-Known Member
I thought he was eating spaghetti and shot a noodle through his nose (?)The cat snot has to go. Yuck. lol
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
You're right! All I could think of was slimy snot, I couldn't make myself look long enough to see it. LOL. Everything is much better now that I've had a toke or two
EFILROFKGD
Active Member
