Best Joke to Tell High?

[WeeGogs]

read this before you have a smoke !!!

an italian woman gets pregnant to her married fancy man, and he says, shit, go back to italy and stay there, ok, said the mistress, but i want £300 a week maintenance for the baby, well alright, said the man, but my rich wife must not find out or i will end up with nothing, when the baby is born text me a message " a bowl of spaghetti " and i will know the baby has arrived, ok, said the mistress, i will text you " a bowl of spaghetti " when it is born,,, and i will expect the maintenance money each and every week, fine, said the man, nine months go past and the man is watching tv at night with his wife, his mobile sends out a message received signal, his wife picks it up and says, that is strange, why, says the husband, there is a weird message on it, says his wife, what is it, he says, the wife shouts, three bowls of spaghetti, two with meatballs, and one without, then the man fainted.

 

[WeeGogs]

did you know what muhammad ali and freddie murcury had in common, they were both battered around the ring.
and did you know that in 1998 george michael went in to a public toilet in L.A. to spend a penny and came out with two coppers !!!

 

[WeeGogs]

You know what the best thing about fking twenty eight; year olds, is? ........ There's twenty of them!

dont make fun of paedophilia on this site we dont find it funny and it is now one of the worst forms of depraved social diseases this side of the 21st century, my god you are one sick muther fucker.
a lot of us on here have young kids and some of us would capture and torchure a paedophile to death if they harmed one of ours, and i would make it the worst form of pain you could ever imagine, i would strip off his/her skin with a razor slowly day by day, week by week, month by month,treating and letting the wounds heal over just to keep the bastard alive and i would force feed his own skin and flesh to him/her to keep them alive for years, i would use a blowtorch to keep their head hair short too.
go on live leak and check out mexican cartel murders, they torture these fuckers just for drug money and murdering one of their gang members and then film it so the whole process can be watched by you, and every time a body turns up it is always in lots of pieces check out the pictures too, and the result is always the same if you want to stay alive keep your big mouth shut.

 

[watchmefly420]

dont make fun of paedophilia on this site we dont find it funny and it is now one of the worst forms of depraved social diseases this side of the 21st century, my god you are one sick muther fucker.
a lot of us on here have young kids and some of us would capture and torchure a paedophile to death if they harmed one of ours, and i would make it the worst form of pain you could ever imagine, i would strip off his/her skin with a razor slowly day by day, week by week, month by month,treating and letting the wounds heal over just to keep the bastard alive and i would force feed his own skin and flesh to him/her to keep them alive for years, i would use a blowtorch to keep their head hair short too.
go on live leak and check out mexican cartel murders, they torture these fuckers just for drug money and murdering one of their gang members and then film it so the whole process can be watched by you, and every time a body turns up it is always in lots of pieces check out the pictures too, and the result is always the same if you want to stay alive keep your big mouth shut.

First off i have a young daughter and couldnt agree with you more but Damn this is a joke thread and id hope thats how the guy would want it to be takin

 

[pop123]

just a thought weegogs....what you would do to solve it is pretty horrific/sick

 

[legalizeitcanada]

I'm sure he didn't write the joke.....not justifying the act....but it's the absurdity and play on words that makes it funny.....not the situation itself.....

dont make fun of paedophilia on this site we dont find it funny and it is now one of the worst forms of depraved social diseases this side of the 21st century, my god you are one sick muther fucker.
a lot of us on here have young kids and some of us would capture and torchure a paedophile to death if they harmed one of ours, and i would make it the worst form of pain you could ever imagine, i would strip off his/her skin with a razor slowly day by day, week by week, month by month,treating and letting the wounds heal over just to keep the bastard alive and i would force feed his own skin and flesh to him/her to keep them alive for years, i would use a blowtorch to keep their head hair short too.
go on live leak and check out mexican cartel murders, they torture these fuckers just for drug money and murdering one of their gang members and then film it so the whole process can be watched by you, and every time a body turns up it is always in lots of pieces check out the pictures too, and the result is always the same if you want to stay alive keep your big mouth shut.

 

[WeeGogs]

more of a puzzle than a joke, but try it anyway.

think of a number between 1 and 10 ok, now multiply it by 9, ok, whatever the answer comes to add the digits together to give you another number, ok, now subtract 5, ok the number that you have now, if a in the alphabet is 1, b is 2, c is 3, and so on pick the digit for your number, ok, think of a country beginning with that digit, ok, now think of an animal starting with the second digit of that country, ok, now think of the colour of that animal, i might know the answer, i know it, a grey elephant from denmark.

 

[racerboy71]

more of a puzzle than a joke, but try it anyway.

think of a number between 1 and 10 ok, now multiply it by 9, ok, whatever the answer comes to add the digits together to give you another number, ok, now subtract 5, ok the number that you have now, if a in the alphabet is 1, b is 2, c is 3, and so on pick the digit for your number, ok, think of a country beginning with that digit, ok, now think of an animal starting with the second digit of that country, ok, now think of the colour of that animal, i might know the answer, i know it, a grey elephant from denmark.

close.. i said deuchland(sp?).. and did come up with an elephant. so 1/2 point for that, lol..

 

[golddog]

You say :

Did you ever see a one eyed skirt snake, that licks pussy and fucks like a tiger?

They say :

No or giggle

You do this:

Cover one eye and stick your tongue out and wiggle it

 

[smokajoe]

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they.

Etheopian food is good tho, damn making me hungry!

 

[WeeGogs]

close.. i said deuchland(sp?).. and did come up with an elephant. so 1/2 point for that, lol..

are you an old german, there is no such a country, deutschland is a disambiguation of germany there are three countries, denmark, djibouti, and dominican, (dominican republic).
0 points to you.

 

[golddog]

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West
African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the
black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and
on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the
penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower,
his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string
and a weight to his penis.


A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little
tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"

"No, it's turned black."

 

[I already Node]

dont make fun of paedophilia on this site we dont find it funny and it is now one of the worst forms of depraved social diseases this side of the 21st century, my god you are one sick muther fucker.
a lot of us on here have young kids and some of us would capture and torchure a paedophile to death if they harmed one of ours, and i would make it the worst form of pain you could ever imagine, i would strip off his/her skin with a razor slowly day by day, week by week, month by month,treating and letting the wounds heal over just to keep the bastard alive and i would force feed his own skin and flesh to him/her to keep them alive for years, i would use a blowtorch to keep their head hair short too.
go on live leak and check out mexican cartel murders, they torture these fuckers just for drug money and murdering one of their gang members and then film it so the whole process can be watched by you, and every time a body turns up it is always in lots of pieces check out the pictures too, and the result is always the same if you want to stay alive keep your big mouth shut.

Orale.. I have a kid!!! and I weed out fks as well! Pinche.. amenazas ain't gonna get you know were with me homes.. this was to be taken as a joke!!! nothing more and in no way taken serious... in fact I don't exactly feel it is a respectable joke but its a 'JOKE' none the less...

The only person in here with a big mouth is you! And throwing around idle threats ain't gaining you any respect, not from me.

It sounds like you have issues you need to deal with because passing the buck isn't always a way of proving your innocents.. "If you want to stay alive keep your big mouth shut." YOU!!! my friend may be setting your self up for a fall talking like that..

ACTIONS speak louder than words and you have a LOT to say.

 

[smokajoe]

I wish I had some.

ya man cut up meat, with peppers, and cabbage/potatoes! YUM!

 

[WeeGogs]

An elderly couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about a West
African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When the
black male reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and
on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the
penis to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower,
his wife looked at him and said, "How about we try the African
string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string
and a weight to his penis.


A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little
tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow, you mean it's grown to 12 inches?"

"No, it's turned black."

LoL Brilliant..............

an old guy and his wife over 80 years old are sitting at home watching tv, the old guy gets up and starts to put his coat on, where are you going shouts his wife, i am off down to the doctors, whats wrong with you the wife shouts, nothing he said, i want to see if i can get some of those viagra thingys, whaaaat she shouts, well wait for me, because if your coming near me with that rusty old thing, i want a tetanus.

 

[I already Node]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

 

[freshout]

Hehehe

So Johnny accidentally walked in on his parents having very bizarre sex. The dad was a school teacher and could not afford to have anybody find out, so he asked Johhny "What will it take for you to never tell anyone about this?"

Johhny thinks for a second then points to his dads Rolex on the nightstand.

The next day at school Johnny's friend Billy asked how he got the Rolex and Johnny explained.

The next time Billy heard his parents screwing, he 'accidentally' walked in. His dad happened to be the principle and he could not afford his son to tell anybody. "What will it take for you to never tell a soul?" He asked.

"I wanna watch" said Billy.

"Fine then" said his dad, "go over there in the corner and don't make a fucking peep.

 

[WeeGogs]

i went to afghanistan and i asked one of the locals what is the best thing to do if i stand on a landmine, throw yourself 40 feet in the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.

 

[I already Node]

Hehehe

So Johnny accidentally walked in on his parents having very bizarre sex. The dad was a school teacher and could not afford to have anybody find out, so he asked Johhny "What will it take for you to never tell anyone about this?"

Johhny thinks for a second then points to his dads Rolex on the nightstand.

The next day at school Johnny's friend Billy asked how he got the Rolex and Johnny explained.

The next time Billy heard his parents screwing, he 'accidentally' walked in. His dad happened to be the principle and he could not afford his son to tell anybody. "What will it take for you to never tell a soul?" He asked.

"I wanna watch" said Billy.

"Fine then" said his dad, "go over there in the corner and don't make a fucking peep.

Better watch out 'Fresh'! - Weegogs is very sensitive and has taken it upon himself to police everyone on this forum... next thing you know, you'll pull some emotions from his past and he'll start calling you names!

 

[WeeGogs]

an indian chief goes to the camp medicine man with a problem, Big Chief No Fart, ok say medicine man here is 1 tin of beans, eat these and come back tomorrow, he returns next day, Big Chief
no Fart, ok say medicine man 3 tins of beans, come and see me tomorrow, he returns again annoyed, Big Chief No Fart, ok medicine man has spoken, eat 6 tins of beans and come back tomorrow, he returns very angry, Big Chief No Fart , ok say medicine man our gods have spoken, eat 15 tins of beans and come back tomorrow, the chiefs wife returns to the medicine man with her arms up in the air, Big Fart No Chief.