one11
Active Member
man, dont be pussy whipped. theres something wrong with her if she wont give u privacy. for real...
Privacy, Friends and Your Significant Other
- Thread starter Padawanbater2
- Start date
plantvision
Active Member
You can't make a blanket opinion, each relationship has its own dynamics.
I have been through alot of relationships, I now have been married for 13 years. It has been a bit of a battle, since we are both independent people.
In our situation we both have our own lives. But we share almost all info. And we both know that each other has there own life and info that is there own.
So what I think, if you are in a relationship where there is friction from kept info, there is no catch all, you need to work your own answer. There is no right or wrong way.
There is no place in a healthy relationship for control.
There is no place in a healthy relationship for emmeshment, or losing of oneselfs identidy.
If your unhappy, fix it, or find a person you can be happy with. Life is for enjoying.
I have been through alot of relationships, I now have been married for 13 years. It has been a bit of a battle, since we are both independent people.
In our situation we both have our own lives. But we share almost all info. And we both know that each other has there own life and info that is there own.
So what I think, if you are in a relationship where there is friction from kept info, there is no catch all, you need to work your own answer. There is no right or wrong way.
There is no place in a healthy relationship for control.
There is no place in a healthy relationship for emmeshment, or losing of oneselfs identidy.
If your unhappy, fix it, or find a person you can be happy with. Life is for enjoying.
Big P
Well-Known Member
very good post,
anyone ever tell you that you look like Muammar Gaddafi's son Saif Al Islam?
plantvision
Active Member
very good post,
anyone ever tell you that you look like Muammar Gaddafi's son Saif Al Islam?
Damn, I was hoping I never got found out. Libyas just been to rough growing weed.
Everytime I put my MJ out somebody blows it up.
Please don't tell anybody!!!!!!
Padawanbater2
Well-Known Member
"if you don't have anything to hide, you don't have anything to worry about."
Do you agree or disagree with that statement? Why?
Do you agree or disagree with that statement? Why?
xKuroiTaimax
Well-Known Member
Sometimes women are bitchy, whiny, paranoid and unreasonable- not going to lie there. I am a girl, I've been with girls, I've talked to guys who've been with girls on a level playing field. Yes, those wiminz can be nutjobs...
But seriously? You just had a fight with her and you immediately go outside, start textbitching to your friend and basically go 'Nyaaah... You can't seeeeee!'
Childish, as you're obviously going to be sulky and defensive over letting her know who you're talking to, because you have a special friend you'd rather converse with. Don't insult her intelligence- she knows you are basically bitching and moaning at her whilst she is in close proximity. That's just begging for a reaction and also... Kind of upsetting. If you need to cool off, do so, but think about her feelings.
Geez, I don't even know what happened in this arguement so I'm not sure where the bias lies, but It looks like you're here hoping all the men folk will back you up, therefore clearing your guilty conscience. I'm not playing along, but hopefully you'll learn to be more observant and insightful. You were asking for trouble with your course of action.
But seriously? You just had a fight with her and you immediately go outside, start textbitching to your friend and basically go 'Nyaaah... You can't seeeeee!'
Childish, as you're obviously going to be sulky and defensive over letting her know who you're talking to, because you have a special friend you'd rather converse with. Don't insult her intelligence- she knows you are basically bitching and moaning at her whilst she is in close proximity. That's just begging for a reaction and also... Kind of upsetting. If you need to cool off, do so, but think about her feelings.
Geez, I don't even know what happened in this arguement so I'm not sure where the bias lies, but It looks like you're here hoping all the men folk will back you up, therefore clearing your guilty conscience. I'm not playing along, but hopefully you'll learn to be more observant and insightful. You were asking for trouble with your course of action.
......
Well-Known Member
I hate that statement,Its none on there fucking business if I got something to hide.
But it wouldn't be a good idea to tell some bitch your trying to wife to mind her own fucking business though lol
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
I remember when we were first married I asked my husband everyday when he would be home? He asked me why I needed to know and when I told him that I wanted to have dinner ready for him, he told me it was none of my business when he would be home or where he was.
For the next couple of weeks his dinner was burned, cold, not cooked or I wasn't home. He got the message loud and clear that I trusted him but that I was not going to waste my time with him or for him if I felt like odd man out.
Now we track each other down to tell the other that we are going to the stores, car wash, friends, etc.
For the next couple of weeks his dinner was burned, cold, not cooked or I wasn't home. He got the message loud and clear that I trusted him but that I was not going to waste my time with him or for him if I felt like odd man out.
Now we track each other down to tell the other that we are going to the stores, car wash, friends, etc.
Winter Woman
Well-Known Member
Is this the same woman that you were fighting with just a month or two ago? If it is I might get a little tired of it.
newatit2010
Well-Known Member
Can't live with them
Can't live without them
But if you are going to live with them they are always right.
Can't live without them
But if you are going to live with them they are always right.
sharon1
Active Member
Xku hit the nail on the head....you get into an argument and then go away to text someone and bitch, then act all offended when that makes things worse.
In another thread about marriage, I stated that one of our policies is that we NEVER bitch about one another to coworkers or friends. I may mention that we are in an argument...I may even explain what that argument is about and how each of us feels.....but it is NEVER just to bitch about him....and that comes across very clearly to whomever I'm talking with.
There are times when privacy boundaries need to be discussed with one another. Just after an argument while you are huffing off and texting your bff is NOT one of them.
You want your gf to trust you? Then lay down your pride be understanding, rather than demanding your privacy.
My husband and I will be celebrating our 22 wedding anniversary next month. If he were to do the same thing you did, I would STILL be ticked. Fortunately, he knows better than to do this, and so do I.
Frankly, when my husband and I argue.....it's NOBODY ELSES BUSINESS BUT OURS. We are perfectly capable of settling it without airing our dirty laundry to friends.
Besides, once it's all said and done and you're back to being friends again, we don't have to explain things to everyone we bitched to the previous day.
In another thread about marriage, I stated that one of our policies is that we NEVER bitch about one another to coworkers or friends. I may mention that we are in an argument...I may even explain what that argument is about and how each of us feels.....but it is NEVER just to bitch about him....and that comes across very clearly to whomever I'm talking with.
There are times when privacy boundaries need to be discussed with one another. Just after an argument while you are huffing off and texting your bff is NOT one of them.
You want your gf to trust you? Then lay down your pride be understanding, rather than demanding your privacy.
My husband and I will be celebrating our 22 wedding anniversary next month. If he were to do the same thing you did, I would STILL be ticked. Fortunately, he knows better than to do this, and so do I.
Frankly, when my husband and I argue.....it's NOBODY ELSES BUSINESS BUT OURS. We are perfectly capable of settling it without airing our dirty laundry to friends.
Besides, once it's all said and done and you're back to being friends again, we don't have to explain things to everyone we bitched to the previous day.
If it's a girl that you don't see yourself with in the future ya.. if she is even a tad more then that you need to be in an open and honest relationship and stop being a dick.
guy incognito
Well-Known Member
Are we talking about relationships or police now? I think you know where i'm going...
Padawanbater2
Well-Known Member
That's not what happened at all. We were in an argument and I needed to vent to someone and I didn't want to speak to her anymore about it because we were just going around in circles. Where else would a friend come into play in this equation?
I came back in and she started asking inappropriate questions about my private conversation. I'm not going to sit there and lie to her and tell her things we didn't talk about, so instead I said, "it's none of your business, I don't ask you what you talk to your friends about".
I walked outside. If i'd of been texting my friend sitting right next to her, your point might be a little more valid to me. What do you suggest, I don't speak to any of my friends ever about any issues I have between my girlfriend and I?
You seem to be saying "if you have a problem, that's your own fault. You're not allowed to talk to your friends especially when your girlfriend is around because it'll upset her and you need to be sensitive to her feelings."
C R A Z Y !
The way I see it, she gets to talk to her friends when shit between us is upsetting her, and I have absolutely NOTHING to say about it because I realize that is what friends are there for, to help you out with issues you might be having.
I was asking for trouble by talking to a friend about an argument between my girlfriend and I and trying to keep the conversation private?
You seriously need to explain yourself.
So when it's one of you who needs to talk to one of your friends it's fine, all fairy tales and sunshine, but as soon as a male tries to do it, he's "bitching"?
What the fuck kind of shit is that?
Would you two rather I'd stayed in the room, told my gf exactly what we were talking about? "yeah, I think she's being a little controlling and a little bit crazy, she doesn't respect my privacy or like it when I speak to certain people". Please explain to me how that would of helped the situation.
Chick logic is seriously fucking WHACK sometimes!
So I mention I'm in an argument with my girlfriend to another friend and I'm already automatically "bitching" in your eyes, so what's the difference?
And when you require another perspective?
sharon1
Active Member
First off, I understand that the policy my husband and I have isn't easy to do, nor is it a popular theory on how to have a happy relationship.
But you are right, neither of us take our arguments to our friends for just about any reason.
Let's be honest shall we?
For the most part, we aren't really looking for a "different perspective" when we run off to yak to our friends about an argument we've had with our SO. (significant other)
We want to vent. That's just a fancy word for bitching, complaining, griping, lamenting, ranting.....you get the picture.
And for the most part, we are trying to put the best possible spin on ourselves.
You can bet, that involves making the other person look wrong. If by chance that makes the target of our frustration look stupid, dumb, unreasonable, stubborn or just a plain idiot, so be it.
Truthfully, I have a ton of friends. I consider many of them wise, and could go to any of them to seek their counsel about anything I want to talk about. But they don't really have the anwers to our argumments. What are they really going to say tht I don't already at least have an incling about already?
And if we get into a really big impasse, then the safest thing to do is seek professional help anyway.
Think about it. In my estimation, you're either having an argument about something minor, or yu are having a real issue relationship-wise.
If the argument is about minor shit, your friends don't care anyway. Or worse, they blow things out of proportion and you get more worked up and angry for nothing.
If it's a real issue....I mean, I can't say that speaking to your friends is always a bad thing, but if it's a deep issue that needs working out, you're better off going to someone trusted or a counselor anyway.
But simply going off and getting others involved, very often does more harm than good to a relationship.
I'm editing this to add, that I think it is equally a bad idea for a woman to go off bitching about her SO too.
The only way I can put it, is that when anyone gripes about the person they are comitted to, it somehow makes the person doing the griping look bad too.
My husband and i have very simply decided to either keep our mouths shut and work it out between ourselves, build each other up and speak of their good qualities, or go to counseling.
Works for us. Sorry if I came across harsh earlier. It seems so plain to me sometimes that i lose patience and come off cranky.
But you are right, neither of us take our arguments to our friends for just about any reason.
Let's be honest shall we?
For the most part, we aren't really looking for a "different perspective" when we run off to yak to our friends about an argument we've had with our SO. (significant other)
We want to vent. That's just a fancy word for bitching, complaining, griping, lamenting, ranting.....you get the picture.
And for the most part, we are trying to put the best possible spin on ourselves.
You can bet, that involves making the other person look wrong. If by chance that makes the target of our frustration look stupid, dumb, unreasonable, stubborn or just a plain idiot, so be it.
Truthfully, I have a ton of friends. I consider many of them wise, and could go to any of them to seek their counsel about anything I want to talk about. But they don't really have the anwers to our argumments. What are they really going to say tht I don't already at least have an incling about already?
And if we get into a really big impasse, then the safest thing to do is seek professional help anyway.
Think about it. In my estimation, you're either having an argument about something minor, or yu are having a real issue relationship-wise.
If the argument is about minor shit, your friends don't care anyway. Or worse, they blow things out of proportion and you get more worked up and angry for nothing.
If it's a real issue....I mean, I can't say that speaking to your friends is always a bad thing, but if it's a deep issue that needs working out, you're better off going to someone trusted or a counselor anyway.
But simply going off and getting others involved, very often does more harm than good to a relationship.
I'm editing this to add, that I think it is equally a bad idea for a woman to go off bitching about her SO too.
The only way I can put it, is that when anyone gripes about the person they are comitted to, it somehow makes the person doing the griping look bad too.
My husband and i have very simply decided to either keep our mouths shut and work it out between ourselves, build each other up and speak of their good qualities, or go to counseling.
Works for us. Sorry if I came across harsh earlier. It seems so plain to me sometimes that i lose patience and come off cranky.
xKuroiTaimax
Well-Known Member
Please, If you're going to quote people, quote the right user?
And yes, I'm saying you shouldn't have run to a friend. Everything you said to them about how you feel regarding your girlfriend... Well duh, you should be telling your girlfriend this. Make it clear to her that the way she discusses you to her friends hurts you while you're at it. Partners are kinda meant to come to mutual agreement, are they not?
You didn't want to talk to her anymore? How's that going to fix anything? Man up.
And yes, I'm saying you shouldn't have run to a friend. Everything you said to them about how you feel regarding your girlfriend... Well duh, you should be telling your girlfriend this. Make it clear to her that the way she discusses you to her friends hurts you while you're at it. Partners are kinda meant to come to mutual agreement, are they not?
You didn't want to talk to her anymore? How's that going to fix anything? Man up.
Mr. GoodStuff
Member
Who gives a shit if he wanted to talk to his friend about it, whats wrong with that?
Bitches be crazy
Bitches be crazy
Big P
Well-Known Member
ya, but hey, she pissed him off, if she didnt want him bitchin about her, she shoudlnt have bitched at him and made him angry to the point of needing to vent to a homey
simply put if she never started nothing there woulda never been nothing. If I was you, I would vent like that every time she tripped, just to use it as a deterent for her not to fuck with you anymore.
I mean think about it, she just showed you her weakness and you can do somthing that pisses her off too, if she decides to piss you off.
all's fair in love and war ladies
simply put if she never started nothing there woulda never been nothing. If I was you, I would vent like that every time she tripped, just to use it as a deterent for her not to fuck with you anymore.
I mean think about it, she just showed you her weakness and you can do somthing that pisses her off too, if she decides to piss you off.all's fair in love and war ladies
Big P
Well-Known Member
hey by the way what was the initial argument that started this whole thing anyway.
I bet thats the juicy part
my guess is it was some really stupid shit you guys were arguing about.
me an my g/f argue all the time, it sucks, I really do love her too, but I cant take the drama, seems theres no fixing it, just been trying every last resort before I reach my breaking point
wish me luck