worm5376
Well-Known Member
Exactly!!!ROFLL
Best Joke to Tell High?
- Thread starter MrDank007
- Start date
bryon209
Active Member
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
bryon209
Active Member
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
bryon209
Active Member
One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
newworldicon
Well-Known Member
sigh...just not the same without squeezing a pair of breasts whilst saying this joke...LOL.
smokermore
Well-Known Member
(Ralph's voice from the simpsons) Last night.....I had a dream....I ate a giant marshmellow....And when I woke up....My pillow was gone....
(this is an old one) Jed is driving down the road and sees a sign that says "Peaches Ahead! All Flavors"! He thinks to himself "all flavors????" He continues to drive and sees a peach stand up ahead. He pulls in, walks to the counter, and says"Your sign says you have peaches of all flavors?" The guy behind the counter smiles and says " yes, the sign is right" Jed thinks about it for a few seconds and says " do you have peanut butter and jelly flavored peaches"? The man behind the counter smiles again and says " i have just what your looking for". Jed takes a bite. His eyes light up "peanutbutter"! the man behind the counter says " turn it over" He takes another bite, "jelly"! Amazed, he then asks " What about roast and green beans? thats what i really crave" The man behind the counter return with another peach. Again, Jed takes a bite with excitment " roast"! The man behind the counter urges him to turn it over and try the other side again " green beans"! Finally, Jed says " this may sound a bit weird, but do you have any pussy flavored peaches"? The man behind the counter smiles and returns yet again with another peach. Jed takes a bite and instantly spits it out. "This taste like shit"!!! Man behind the counter smiles and says " turn it over"
(this is an old one) Jed is driving down the road and sees a sign that says "Peaches Ahead! All Flavors"! He thinks to himself "all flavors????" He continues to drive and sees a peach stand up ahead. He pulls in, walks to the counter, and says"Your sign says you have peaches of all flavors?" The guy behind the counter smiles and says " yes, the sign is right" Jed thinks about it for a few seconds and says " do you have peanut butter and jelly flavored peaches"? The man behind the counter smiles again and says " i have just what your looking for". Jed takes a bite. His eyes light up "peanutbutter"! the man behind the counter says " turn it over" He takes another bite, "jelly"! Amazed, he then asks " What about roast and green beans? thats what i really crave" The man behind the counter return with another peach. Again, Jed takes a bite with excitment " roast"! The man behind the counter urges him to turn it over and try the other side again " green beans"! Finally, Jed says " this may sound a bit weird, but do you have any pussy flavored peaches"? The man behind the counter smiles and returns yet again with another peach. Jed takes a bite and instantly spits it out. "This taste like shit"!!! Man behind the counter smiles and says " turn it over"
legalizeitcanada
Well-Known Member
why do cows wear bells......
cause their horns don't work!
cause their horns don't work!
cocobitzz
Well-Known Member
There was a tourist, an American, visiting Ireland. He was on the bus driving through the countryside, and saw a long picket fence. At the end of the fence there was a small town with a dark dingy pub. Our tourist enters the pub, sits at the bar, and waits patiently for the barkeep to notice his presence. Eventually he wanders over and yells in our tourists face,
"OI! What are ya drinkin!?", and he responds calmly ordering a pint. The barkeep goes and draws the man a pint, and goes back to his working. A minute or so later, the old man comes back and says, "OI! Ya see that fence out there!?"
"Umm.. Yes, it's a very nice fence!" says our friend to the man.
"YEEEEEEAH, I built that fence. Took me months, months of work I tell ya! Ripped all the planks meself! Now, do they call me John the fence builder?"
"Uh... I don't know sir, do they call you John the fence builder?"
"FUCK NO! They don't call me John the fence builder," and he walks away. Soon the mans pint runs low, and he asks for another one. The man comes back with another pint, and our tourist drinks it while admiring the pub.
"OOOOI!", says the barkeep again. "Ya like this bar!?"
"Oh yes Sir, it's a fine bar indeed."
"YEEEEAH I built this bar meself, did all the carvings by hand! Took me months, months of work! Now, I ask ye, do they call me John the bar builder?"
Once again, not knowing the mans life story, our friend was clueless, "Umm. I don't know sir, do they call you John the Ba-"
"FUCK NO! They don't call me John the bar builder!", and he walks away again. Soon enough the pint was empty again, and his curiosity could wait one more round so he orders up another. The barkeep comes back with another perfect pint, and says as he sets it down.
"OI!? Ya see that pint?"
"Oh yeah, it's a great pour!" he says almost mockingly.
"YEEEEEEAH, I poured thousands of em, tens of thousands! Each one better than the last. Now, do they call me John the Pint Puller?!"
"Sir, I have no idea, do they call you John the Pint P---"
"FUCK NO! They don't call me John the pint puller, but you fuck ONE GOAT!!!"
"OI! What are ya drinkin!?", and he responds calmly ordering a pint. The barkeep goes and draws the man a pint, and goes back to his working. A minute or so later, the old man comes back and says, "OI! Ya see that fence out there!?"
"Umm.. Yes, it's a very nice fence!" says our friend to the man.
"YEEEEEEAH, I built that fence. Took me months, months of work I tell ya! Ripped all the planks meself! Now, do they call me John the fence builder?"
"Uh... I don't know sir, do they call you John the fence builder?"
"FUCK NO! They don't call me John the fence builder," and he walks away. Soon the mans pint runs low, and he asks for another one. The man comes back with another pint, and our tourist drinks it while admiring the pub.
"OOOOI!", says the barkeep again. "Ya like this bar!?"
"Oh yes Sir, it's a fine bar indeed."
"YEEEEAH I built this bar meself, did all the carvings by hand! Took me months, months of work! Now, I ask ye, do they call me John the bar builder?"
Once again, not knowing the mans life story, our friend was clueless, "Umm. I don't know sir, do they call you John the Ba-"
"FUCK NO! They don't call me John the bar builder!", and he walks away again. Soon enough the pint was empty again, and his curiosity could wait one more round so he orders up another. The barkeep comes back with another perfect pint, and says as he sets it down.
"OI!? Ya see that pint?"
"Oh yeah, it's a great pour!" he says almost mockingly.
"YEEEEEEAH, I poured thousands of em, tens of thousands! Each one better than the last. Now, do they call me John the Pint Puller?!"
"Sir, I have no idea, do they call you John the Pint P---"
"FUCK NO! They don't call me John the pint puller, but you fuck ONE GOAT!!!"
smokey green
Active Member
stoner1: knock knock
stoner2: whos their
stoner1: huh...who....ohh Ill get it...
stoner2: whos their
stoner1: huh...who....ohh Ill get it...
a tourist comes over to australia and wants to buy a few things..
he goes to the bakery and asks for a bum, they say you mean bun? he smiles and buys it.
he goes to the hardware store and asks for a fucket, they say you mean bucket? he smiles and buys it.
he goes to the vet and asks for a cockan spanket, they say you mean cocker spaniel? he smiles and buys it.
he takes his dog for a walk and it runs off and just keeps running.
he jumps into his car, racing along the street to catch up to it, when he gets pulled over by the police.
the officer says "are you aware you where doing 100 in a.." before getting interrupted by the man..
"QUICK, HOLD MY BUM AND FUCKET WHILE I FIND MY COCKAN SPANKET."
he goes to the bakery and asks for a bum, they say you mean bun? he smiles and buys it.
he goes to the hardware store and asks for a fucket, they say you mean bucket? he smiles and buys it.
he goes to the vet and asks for a cockan spanket, they say you mean cocker spaniel? he smiles and buys it.
he takes his dog for a walk and it runs off and just keeps running.
he jumps into his car, racing along the street to catch up to it, when he gets pulled over by the police.
the officer says "are you aware you where doing 100 in a.." before getting interrupted by the man..
"QUICK, HOLD MY BUM AND FUCKET WHILE I FIND MY COCKAN SPANKET."
Justin00
Active Member
So... i was doing this chick doggie style last night and after a few minutes i pull it out and stick right into her ass.
She looks around at me and says, "Thats awfully presumptuous of you!"
With a puzzled look on my face i say, "Presumptuous!?!, thats a mighty big word for an 8 year old."
Thats just for you WeeGogs =)
She looks around at me and says, "Thats awfully presumptuous of you!"
With a puzzled look on my face i say, "Presumptuous!?!, thats a mighty big word for an 8 year old."
Thats just for you WeeGogs =)
WeeGogs
Active Member
bet you were having fun big boy.
PappaBear
New Member
I have a few..
This one got me a manager position at freebirds. " Whats good about having sex with 24yr olds?... There are 20 of them!"
^(I was suppised they game me the job. I was foced to resign for my smoke out sundays.) In my defence my employees loved me for it.
"You heard why Michal Jackson died? Too many 10 year old wieners!"
Gay1: Doctor, I am tired of being balled.
Doctor: Well rub this vaseline on your head twice a day for your hair to grow.
......... A few days later Gay1's partner comes home from a business trip.
Gay2: What are you doing baby?
Gay1: The doc told me rub this on my head to regrow hair!
Gay2: Baby, if that were true you would have a ponytail growing out your ass by now.
This one got me a manager position at freebirds. " Whats good about having sex with 24yr olds?... There are 20 of them!"
^(I was suppised they game me the job. I was foced to resign for my smoke out sundays.) In my defence my employees loved me for it.
"You heard why Michal Jackson died? Too many 10 year old wieners!"
Gay1: Doctor, I am tired of being balled.
Doctor: Well rub this vaseline on your head twice a day for your hair to grow.
......... A few days later Gay1's partner comes home from a business trip.
Gay2: What are you doing baby?
Gay1: The doc told me rub this on my head to regrow hair!
Gay2: Baby, if that were true you would have a ponytail growing out your ass by now.