A Guy Walks Into A Bar...

GreatwhiteNorth

GreatwhiteNorth

Global Moderator
Staff member
So a guy walks into a bar and spots a cute little thing & strikes up a conversation where he tells her,
Guy; You remind me of my little toe.
Gal; Why, because I'm petite & cute?
Guy; No, because at the end of the evening I see myself banging you on my coffee table.
 
GreatwhiteNorth

GreatwhiteNorth

Global Moderator
Staff member
A preacher is walking down the street when he sees little Suzi walking her dog.
"My don't you look nice today Suzi, are you taking your dog for a walk?"
"Yes I am preacher, and his name is Porky"
"Do you call him porkey because he's fat?"
"No silly, we call him porky because he fucks pigs!"
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
A traveling salesman comes to a house, knocks. The door is answered by the sweetest little 6-year-old you ever saw.
"Say sweetie, is your momma home?
Yes, Mister, but she's busy right now."
"Can you call her to the door for me?"
"I can try but she might not hear you."
"Why not?"
"Because she's busy getting fucked by the goat."
The salesman splutters "She's getting ... and you're just ... while she ... Goodness don't you mind???"
With a grin the girl replies
"Na-a-a."
cn
 
DSB65

DSB65

Well-Known Member
A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
husband, "Put 'MYPENIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough."
 
DSB65

DSB65

Well-Known Member
My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something i must confess."
"Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright."
"No i must die in peace. I had sex with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!"
"I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!!"
 
DSB65

DSB65

Well-Known Member
Five Important Qualities

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
 
GreatwhiteNorth

GreatwhiteNorth

Global Moderator
Staff member
An Apple a day keeps the...oh wait...nevermind.
-Isn't it ironic the thing that killed Steve Jobs has the initials PC?
-What's the difference between cancer and black people? Cancer gets Jobs.
-His funeral probably won't be a flashy affair
 
UncleBuck

UncleBuck

Well-Known Member
GreatwhiteNorth said:
An Apple a day keeps the...oh wait...nevermind.
-Isn't it ironic the thing that killed Steve Jobs has the initials PC?
-What's the difference between cancer and black people? Cancer gets Jobs.
-His funeral probably won't be a flashy affair
Click to expand...
you're a bad, bad man.

too soon, but funny as fuck.
 
sunni

sunni

Administrator
Staff member
GreatwhiteNorth said:
An Apple a day keeps the...oh wait...nevermind.
-Isn't it ironic the thing that killed Steve Jobs has the initials PC?
-What's the difference between cancer and black people? Cancer gets Jobs.
-His funeral probably won't be a flashy affair
Click to expand...
too soon! jesus wait like 72 hours
 
Hepheastus420

Hepheastus420

Well-Known Member
Wait what's too soon? I sound like a noob I know, but I don't pay attention to "stars" or whatever. Like who is Steve jobs?
 
cannabineer

cannabineer

Ursus marijanus
A guy walks into a bar with a tall ceiling. He is drinking his first cold one of the afternoon when he notices a jar on the table full of five-dollar bills. He asks the bartender what's up. "For five dollars, you get to play our bar's own homegrown game. See those two choice rib-eyes on the ceiling? If you can get them down without using the furniture, you get both the meat and what the others who've tried, and failed, put into the jar.'

The customer looks long and hard at the ceiling cuts, because they are indeed large and lovely.
"So", says the bartender, "wanna give it a shot?"
"No", replies our hero.
Bartender: "Why not?"

(wait for it)

"The steaks are just too high."
And so am I. cn
 
bryon209

bryon209

Active Member
So Pauly , Vinnie and Mike the Situation walk into a bar and the bartender says..."Get the fuck out of here!"
 
potroastV2

potroastV2

Well-Known Member
A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only his underpants made out of saran wrap.

The Doctor says, I can clearly see you're nuts.
 
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