blazinkill504
Well-Known Member
hahahaha dude i got weak as fuck when i read this one
A Guy Walks Into A Bar...
- Thread starter GreatwhiteNorth
- Start date
dirtyho1968
Well-Known Member
What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.
Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12.
darkdestruction420
Well-Known Member
i dug the rest of your jokes but those are kind of lame honestly, imo.
blazinkill504
Well-Known Member
lmao niceeee
bigbillyrocka
Well-Known Member
When man stands on toilet, he's high on pot
bigbillyrocka
Well-Known Member
What do gay guys call other gay giys that bend over while wearing assless chaps?
I don't know? I'm not gay!
I don't know? I'm not gay!
ohmy
Well-Known Member
One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
Two gerbils walk past a gay bar.
One says to the other:
"Hey, wanna go in there ... and get shitfaced?"
What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil?
"... new in town?"
cn
One says to the other:
"Hey, wanna go in there ... and get shitfaced?"
What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil?
"... new in town?"
cn
darkdestruction420
Well-Known Member
i hate to admit it in a way but i had to read that like 8 times before i got it. lol
Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans.
I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”
____________________________________________________
Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to
work, we can get rid of the second car.”
He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we can get
rid of the nanny!”
____________________________________________________
What’s the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim benefits,
had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
____________________________________________________
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked
my wife after only five beers!”
____________________________________________________
Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”
______________________________________________________
* Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the
front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.
____________________________________________________
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up
for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense…when you
hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
____________________________________________________
My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.
”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when
you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”
____________________________________________________
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
_____________________________________________________
The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think
about me?” Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly”
wasn’t the right answer.
I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”
____________________________________________________
Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to
work, we can get rid of the second car.”
He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we can get
rid of the nanny!”
____________________________________________________
What’s the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim benefits,
had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
____________________________________________________
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked
my wife after only five beers!”
____________________________________________________
Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”
______________________________________________________
* Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the
front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers like that every day.
____________________________________________________
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up
for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my defense…when you
hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.
____________________________________________________
My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.
”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus when
you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!”
____________________________________________________
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky or what?
_____________________________________________________
The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think
about me?” Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too quickly”
wasn’t the right answer.
ohmy
Well-Known Member
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top