Dear Internet, I have another confession.

[Winter Woman]

My best friend called and told me about another man other than her husband!

When he married her he told her he could take or leave sex (could this be a side effect from 7 years in prison?). And on their 1st year anniversary he told her didn't want to have sex anymore and she could have a man on the side. It's now years later and he still says that she can have a guy on the side and she has finally gone out and found one.

Her spouse is a loser, a real loser, ex-heroin addict that od one time when he got a chance to do some without her knowing it, so heavy drug abuse isn't over. She even has to hide her medicines because he'll take them. She always wanted a bad boy and man, did she get one.

I'm feeling very conflicted. He is my husband's brother!

My hubby has told her before to leave his bro and get a real man, he really is disgusted with his brother. I can't keep this from him. I might burn an egg and not tell but this is something else altogether.

My moral compass says this is very wrong. But, I can't imagine 12 years with a man that doesn't want sex. Also, he hasn't worked in about 7 years. This could get real nasty.

 

[richinweed]

hot shot..............................................say goodby!

 

[racerboy71]

i'd think that after 7 years in the clink he'd be wanting to have sex a couple of times a day, and with women this time..

but seriously, why be married?? not that sex is the key to marriage, but a sexless one doesn't sound very good to me either..

 

[Bayou bud]

Sounds like his poon-hounding is limited to opiates. Unless she is a group of poppy plants, I'd cut n run. His drug abuse sounds spitefull.

 

[Winter Woman]

i'd think that after 7 years in the clink he'd be wanting to have sex a couple of times a day, and with women this time..

but seriously, why be married?? not that sex is the key to marriage, but a sexless one doesn't sound very good to me either..

She's an specialized RN and he told her she could have other men. But, she had to support him or he'd take her for everything and get alimony, too. Is that even possible anymore?

 

[Winter Woman]

I wonder what my hubby is gonna say about this one. When his bro od and almost died he was at the hospital every day. Once he was out of the hospital he started talking about him like a dog again.

 

[Justin00]

I hear men talking all the time about being married to women for years who don't want sex ........ i don't think its unreasonable to expect it to happen in reverse occasionally. Not that it really changes anything but people always seem to support the woman when it happens the normal way and say the guy is a sexist pig who only objectifies his spouse. All in all i think sex is a fun and normal thing and we all just have to find how it best fits into our lives.

 

[Bayou bud]

Yes it is. Alimony, child support, and divorce laws are determined by the state they are in. In all honesty, I would tell her to get a lawyer and see what her options and advice should be. No normal man wants his lady fucking another man. He must literally not care in the least bit about her. She must be fulfilling his needs in his pockets rather then his needs in the pants. If a dude tells a woman she can have another man, then assume he is doing some real jacked up stuff. No one just gives their spouse a fuck somebody else for free card. If he has been doing drugs and been to prison then I'd also assume that his motives are not ones that we will be able to easily discern. BOTTOM LINE:

If you care about this person, encourage them to seek a lawyer ASAP. Even if she stays with him, its better to know what the capacity he has to legally screw her.

 

[Winter Woman]

Do you think that he has masturbated in prison so much that he... no, that's too stupid to even finish.

 

[obijohn]

If he is a heroin or opiate user, that would explain him not caring about sex. But even lack of sex aside, why would she either marry, or stay with such a loser?

 

[racerboy71]

I hear men talking about being married to women for 12 years who don't want sex all the time........ i don't think its unreasonable to expect it to happen in reverse occasionally.

do you have a problem with the women not wanting to have sex for 12 years??? i know i wouldn't want to be married to anyone for that long and not get some.. idk...

and damn ww, after reading the op, i had thought that you were talking about my ex gf and her loser bf now.. not the no sex part, but the part of him not working for the past 7 years or so is him dead on..
then i read the next post and you say she's a nurse like my ex is, idk, crazy coincidences.. the only good thing she did was never marry that loser, but staying with him for 14 years isn't so smart either..
idk, i don't get women sometimes..

 

[Winter Woman]

Yes it is. Alimony, child support, and divorce laws are determined by the state they are in. In all honesty, I would tell her to get a lawyer and see what her options and advice should be. No normal man wants his lady fucking another man. He must literally not care in the least bit about her. She must be fulfilling his needs in his pockets rather then his needs in the pants. If a dude tells a woman she can have another man, then assume he is doing some real jacked up stuff. No one just gives their spouse a fuck somebody else for free card. If he has been doing drugs and been to prison then I'd also assume that his motives are not ones that we will be able to easily discern. BOTTOM LINE:

If you care about this person, encourage them to seek a lawyer ASAP. Even if she stays with him, its better to know what the capacity he has to legally screw her.

Great advice and I'm going to give it to her when she gets off work TODAY. Tomorrow will be too late.

Edit: just sent her a text to call before she goes home.

 

[racerboy71]

If he is a heroin or opiate user, that would explain him not caring about sex. But even lack of sex aside, why would she either marry, or stay with such a loser?

damn, good point ob.. i can't believe i didn't even think of this as i'm an ex heroin addict myself.. have 11 years clean come the 13th of this month though.. but yah, junk will make your junk not want to work for sure.. the drug really does become your lover, your best friend and worst enemy all rolled into one..

 

[Justin00]

do you have a problem with the women not wanting to have sex for 12 years??? i know i wouldn't want to be married to anyone for that long and not get some.. idk...

and damn ww, after reading the op, i had thought that you were talking about my ex gf and her loser bf now.. not the no sex part, but the part of him not working for the past 7 years or so is him dead on..
then i read the next post and you say she's a nurse like my ex is, idk, crazy coincidences.. the only good thing she did was never marry that loser, but staying with him for 14 years isn't so smart either..
idk, i don't get women sometimes..

yeah i agree Racer i just hit the post button to early. The edit is up now.

 

[Winter Woman]

If he is a heroin or opiate user, that would explain him not caring about sex. But even lack of sex aside, why would she either marry, or stay with such a loser?

When she met him she was having extreme female health issues (multiple surgeries) and she says that she mistook his not wanting sex as a him caring about not hurting her physically. I think she was afraid that no one would want her if she couldn't have kids.

Personally, I never liked him from day 1 and told her so.

 

[Winter Woman]

do you have a problem with the women not wanting to have sex for 12 years??? i know i wouldn't want to be married to anyone for that long and not get some.. idk...

and damn ww, after reading the op, i had thought that you were talking about my ex gf and her loser bf now.. not the no sex part, but the part of him not working for the past 7 years or so is him dead on..
then i read the next post and you say she's a nurse like my ex is, idk, crazy coincidences.. the only good thing she did was never marry that loser, but staying with him for 14 years isn't so smart either..
idk, i don't get women sometimes..

Me neither. I just don't get it. In the top 10 in her class when she graduated, too. I guess we all make mistakes.

 

[racerboy71]

Me neither. I just don't get it. In the top 10 in her class when she graduated, too. I guess we all make mistakes.

yes we do ww, i know that all too well, the thing is in life is to not dwell in them, move on and to better yourself as a result.. i hope that your sister sees the light and is eventually happy..
if she''s anything like you, she deserves it..

 

[Winter Woman]

yes we do ww, i know that all too well, the thing is in life is to not dwell in them, move on and to better yourself as a result.. i hope that your sister sees the light and is eventually happy..
if she''s anything like you, she deserves it..

Thank you and I mean it. She is a sweetie pie. The kind of nurse you'd want your loved ones to have. When she knows a patient is going to die and if they're alone. She'll sit with them and hold their hand and sing old gospels or songs from their time period to them until they are gone.

I love her to pieces. I told if I was gay she'd be my one and only. I've never kissed a girl... hmm...

 

[Carne Seca]

sounds like he needs some serious therapy to get to the root of his problems. I think his drug abuse and lack of sexual appetite are probably related. Either he is self-medicating to avoid painful past issues/mental health issues OR his heroin use has killed his libido. If he is self-medicating then it could be due to sexual trauma which makes him not want sex. The best thing she can do for him and herself is to hire a lawyer and get a divorce (Bayou nailed it). Considering his past drug abuse and incarceration I really don't think she'll have many problems. Getting away from him ASAP should be her top priority. He is on a slow downward spiral and he's dragging her down with him. There is more going on here than drugs and no sex. She needs to get out while she can.

 

[RainbowBrite86]

sounds like he needs some serious therapy to get to the root of his problems. I think his drug abuse and lack of sexual appetite are probably related. Either he is self-medicating to avoid painful past issues/mental health issues OR his heroin use has killed his libido. If he is self-medicating then it could be due to sexual trauma which makes him not want sex. The best thing she can do for him and herself is to hire a lawyer and get a divorce (Bayou nailed it). Considering his past drug abuse and incarceration I really don't think she'll have many problems. Getting away from him ASAP should be her top priority. He is on a slow downward spiral and he's dragging her down with him. There is more going on here than drugs and no sex. She needs to get out while she can.

Agreed. This marriage sounds long past over and she needs to go while she can.