Hey Capt. I have much respect for you as a grower here on RIU. I appreciate all you do and have done to help others achieve thier goals as growers and the encouragement you give. The only reason Im quoteing the Bible to you is because you said you want to believe more than anything. Heres Gods word to Job when he questioned Gods goodness and soveriegnty.
JOB chapter 38:
Who is this that darkeneth councel by words without knowledge?
Gird up now thy loins like a man: for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me.
Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the Earth? Declare, if thou has understanding.
I humbly ask of you to read on as Im not typing it all for you. But a few more from this chapter....
Have the gates of death been opened up to thee? or hast thou seen the doors of the shadow of death?
Where is the way where light dwelleth? and as for darkness, where is the place thereof,
that thou should take it to the bound thereof, and that thou should know the paths to its house?
Knowest thou it, because thou wast then born? or because the number of thy days is great?
Who hath devided a watercourse for the overflowing of waters, or a way for the lightning of thunder;
To cause it to rain on the earth, where no man is; on the wilderness, wherein there is no man;
To satisfy the desolate and waste ground; and to cause the bud of the tender herb to spring forth?
Hath the rain a Father? or who has begotten the drops of dew?
Who has put wisdom in the inward parts? or who hath given understanding to the heart?
Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion? or fill the appatite of the young lions,
when they couch in their dens, and abide in the covert to lie in wait?
Who provideth for the raven his food? when his young ones cry unto God, they wander for lack of meat.
Just a few things to ponder....... Who are we in this universe that we can question God without knowledge and wisdom?