Ok, i forgot i wrote IT in the title, it was meant to signify ignorance... my bad for not clarifying.
I really like what you have to say Hep, and i can definitely empathize.
You probably already know, i've experienced episodes of night terrors long ago, and a couple just recently. I'll use my most recent night terror to try to explain myself.
This one was different than the rest, this one started while i was in my dream, rather than hallucinating/dreaming partly in my waking state. I found myself in this black bog, the moon was the only source of light, and it was dim. There were trees around, and i could see the mucky water of the bog, i was in the back of this car, alone.. just as i started to wonder what i was doing there i looked to my left and saw this wraith looking entity. It was floating towards the car, so i immediately laid down in the back so it wouldn't see me. I was scared... but that wasn't even the start. As the wraith floated nearer the car, i could actually FEEL the fear that was emanating off from it, the closer it got, the more the feeling of intense dread and fear closed around my whole being.
For some reason i knew, that if i just hid back there, and kept still and quiet, it would pass and wouldn't notice me. The fear was immobilizing, it was so intense... and i remember thinking to myself all i have to do is sit and wait, then something clicked. I thought "FUCK THIS! This thing thinks it can make me cower like this?! Fuck that!" I got pissed, and even through all of the fear, and dread that was surrounding me, i sat up, (the back window was already rolled down) i pulled myself out of the window and yelled "HEY!!!" It quickly turned as i dropped to the ground. The second it looked at me, i couldn't move... i could barely sputter out a few grunts and noises as i tried to make anything come out. I was scared, terrified, yet i wouldn't let that stop me from refusing to be afraid, i wouldn't let that feeling of fear make me a coward.
The point is, that instead of cowering in fear, i embraced it and faced it.
In my opinion, the fear is always there, and there is nothing we can do to make it go away. In my opinion; Fear comes from not knowing (Not knowing what is going to happen, if we or one of our loved ones are going to get hurt etc. etc.) There are things in this life that we will never know, no matter how hard we try... that means that the fear will always be present.
It isn't that i don't feel the fear Hep, i do... it's just that im not going to allow it to control the way i think, the actions i take, or the decisions that i make. We can pretend the fear isn't there, people do it all the time, sometimes it's easier to pretend it isn't there than to face it and embrace it. To be courageous, to accept it, and continue to live in spite of the fear.
I found that thing i wrote a year or so ago about fear. I'm thinking about writing something new, but here it is;
The scariest things for humans IS the unknown, it is what we do not know. So instead of accepting we do not know anything metaphysical... to alleviate that fear we make something up to believe in so we can tell ourselves that we know, which will make us less afraid, which is very easy. OR we can accept our fear in the face of the unknown, accept our ignorance of the metaphysical and decide we aren’t going to be afraid anymore in spite of the fear... which takes true courage.
One of the scariest thoughts in human history is the fear of death, because no one knows what happens when you die. So instead of accepting our ignorance of death, we create within ourselves a false truth or lie to make living in fear much easier. We say to ourselves, if we just live rightly, if we only live just and with love... then i know i will go to a better place when i die and be happy for all the rest of eternity.
When the truth is, no matter how hard we try, no matter how much we want to know... we don’t. We don’t know what happens when we die, and it’s very scary to admit that we just don’t know if we continue to exist after death.
But I would rather live my life within the realm of courage.... instead of fear.
Here is something else i wrote if you are interested, but you don't have to read it;
I think putting truth to our inner spiritual beliefs is something that some individuals need to do to cope with the fear of the unknown...and that it is very unhealthy to lie to yourself, even if it makes you feel good.
I’m not trying to tell you i don't have my own beliefs, just that i have come to the understanding that they are not real, nor are they true. That they are just thoughts, just ideas.
So i would share my idea of my beliefs with you, but only if there exists the understanding that is exactly what they are. Ideas. Because if you portray your spiritual beliefs as true to someone else, there will be a conflict. Whereas if you portray your spiritual beliefs as the ultimate truth, that they are not true... that they are thoughts and ideas meant to be shared so we can give each other reassurance in the face of fearing the unknown... that is the only healthy way.
I’m saying that i think it is ok for scared people to make themselves feel better by justifying in their own minds that what they believe spiritually... is true, but that it is not healthy, and it will only lead to anger, resentment, pain and suffering if expressed outwardly, instead of inwardly.
To make the world a better place, we much each understand that our spiritual beliefs are thoughts and ideas meant to be shared with each other for us to gain courage in the face of the ultimate unknown, which is fear.
We can never get rid of fear, it will always be there no matter what, but we have the ability to decide whether or not we let it control our thoughts and our lives. Or we can decide whether to understand fear, and accept the unknown, accept our own ignorance of the universe, and the fact that we really don’t know what the hell is going on.
Because no one knows.
Each of us, needs to see the truth within our own selves, that even if we stop sharing our beliefs as true, we should not believe our beliefs are true inside of ourselves either, it is arrogant, and it only feeds our fear of the unknown, our fear of ignorance.
Remember, these are all just my thoughts and opinions.
Good thread, Zaehet...