What's happenin Chakalaka
I'm still here. I got a lot of shit going on so I'm pretty much socially unavailable except the little I post on here. My updates were so frequent I was even boring myself so I took a break.
I'm a bit of a wreck lately. Blowing off people. Some of the peeps here know some of my issues with anxiety/depression and the uh cycle of opiate dependency I can't seem to stay away from.
Shits all just kinda snowballed on me recently. Instead of telling the doctors hey I need to get off the norcos I just said hey I need help with this anxiety and insomnia. I'm 98% certain my anxiety issues are related to my prolonged use of narcs. So instead I was put on Effexor and Ativan to deal with that which then allowed me to keep popping pain pills. I graduated to extended release Morphine and Tizanidine as well. All this shit has just really taken its toll on me.
So I'm having norco withdrawals even though I'm on morphine and using the tizanidine to try and come off the Ativan until I had a wicked bunch of hallucinations the other night. Woke up at 2:30 in the morning from a dream, into a dream like awake state. I don't know at what point I was truly awake because I just couldn't shake the hallucinations. My vision was shifting like 180 degrees, and the light reflecting off my running ceiling fan was making the whole room flicker. Then of course I flipped out and had a panic attack cuz it wouldn't stop, and my wife was at work.
Anywho, I've joined this pain mngmt group that starts in July and I'm trying to get off everything before it even starts so I have a fresh slate. Honestly weed doesn't work for my pain, (so far) It does help with getting to sleep when I can use it without flipping out so the goal is to try and find a way to live in pain without being a strung out junky. I'm very hopeful I can get weed more integrated into my plans for a pharmaceutical free future. This pain group is all about learning and developing ways to live your life through meditation and whatever else shit they're gonna throw at me and at this point I'm all for it. I'm going in with an open mind.
Lol bills like wtf, I just said what's up? I'm rambling, I just wanted to throw this out there for anyone who may have noticed I'm not fully myself. Plus it's a place for me to just get it out since this isn't something I can really talk about at length with people in person. I'm sure ill throw out a random update someday like hey I'm better, or hey I'm in an institute!