I take tolerance breaks and then trip out really hard on pot. Sometimes I have to be super careful... I remember one time, one hit put me in euphoria... so I was like "oh yeah, let's get more of this" and did two more vape-bong hits... and I felt shit go right past acceptable and into terror real fast...
I have had tolerance-free weed trips where I was absolutely positive I would die if I "let go completely." Talk about crazy intensity. I literally realized that the thing that kept me on the physical plane was the attachments I had formed... the people I loved, the things i liked... these things were what keep me here. Without them, there would be no reason to stay. And I could feel how easily I could let them all go in that moment... but I didn't want to DIE, so I didn't.
I realized this in such a literal way it is hard to explain. It was as if I could see how my body would physically crumple into a heap on the ground and I'd be gone, if I let go.
On that same trip I was aware of myself as a series of intersecting lasers... several beams shooting through my head down through my feet... and then several beams at a 90 degree angle, shooting across my chest and out both of my arms. I became aware of myself as this "holy cross of energy lasers" and could see how where they crossed in the middle, was what formed my heart and the center of my being.
What was really weird, was... I realized that I USUALLY was aware of this, and called it physical matter, or my body. BUT... now that my perceptions were so heightened, I could see PAST the ends of body, past what I usually perceived as the termination points of these energy beams. Instead of ending at the ends, they kept going, forever. And I realized that the only reason I ever thought I was physically "solid" was because my sober perceptions filtered the information at the perimeters of my body, preventing me from being aware that I go on literally forever in each direction.
So yeah. That one was pretty strong. That was vaporizer hits on no tolerance.
The only way I could 'get down' was to distract myself... I told my girlfriend I loved her and that I would die if I didn't have her and all the other attachments in my life... that I realized that attachments are a blessing in disguise. (I had been studying spirituality for years and had often seen attachments as dangerous things.)
So I was like "Let's put on a movie, I am tripping the fuck out." and we tried to put on "Running With Scissors" because it was recommended by a friend, but I couldn't concentrate on it AT ALL. There was all this dialogue at the beginning, and i was just staring in horror at these beings that were saying ALL THESE WORDS--because I could not understand ANY OF THEM. It was like watching aliens speak in a foreign language. I was like "Uhhhhh fuck, let's try something else."
And then I put on SUNSHINE. Which is a FUCKING AWESOME sci-fi movie. And I was trans-fixed. It was like a gigantic encoded message from the universe, speaking directly to me, about what it was like to be manifest in my body.
So I watched. And watched. And watched. It was like my life raft. I clung to it for dear life. By the end of the movie, I was completely liberated from my own fear of death. (Highly recommend this film to everyone, hahaha.)
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I can remember one other time specifically... I had made my own edibles... I used a huge ziplock bag of fresh frozen fan leaves and a fuck lot of vaporizer leavings to make a super-stoney butter. Again, no tolerance what so ever.
I ate a small piece of rice krispy treat... maybe the size of a golf ball. and I waited a while but didn't feel it... so I had another one about the same size. Then maybe I nibbled a bit more. I am an experienced psychonaut and stoner so I wasn't too worried about getting too far out.
A while later I was so far out that I could "see" there was this black hole in my inner reality, and I was living on the edge of it. I could see gravity, and it's interrelation with this black hole... I literally had to kind of "lean back" on my feet in order to avoid being sucked into it. And I realized, quite vividly, that I had practically walked right up to the edge of it and peered into it by eating these edibles. So now here I was right on the cusp of a back hole, keeping myself back by leaning away from it and planting my feet... and it was like playing with fire, man. I was aware of what I had done to myself on such a vivid level.
One of these days I'll just jump in and see what happens. One of these days.
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If it was mushrooms, I'd give up, surrender, in both situations. Mushrooms are a very gentle form of ego loss. I still feel like I'm dying, but it's somehow easier to accept. It's like there are guides, spirits, that say "Oh, it's okay, just let go...." and so I don't feel alone in my surrendering moment... like being surrounded by loved ones on your death bed...
But with weed ego loss experiences... hohohohoho... that shit is so intense... it's like I'm alone in my ego perception so strongly at the point where I'm put up against the threatening awareness of my mortality... oh man, that shit is overwhelming.
...
I got more...
Let's see.
One time I had a friend and his girlfriend over and I hadn't seen them in a year or two... old high school friend, someone I wasn't always that comfortable with I guess... set and setting kind of kicked my ass, in combination with low tolerance. We got so high that I started looking around the room and realized I had no idea who anyone was. It was like I was surrounded by a small group of infinite god-being aliens that were just kind of looking at me. Even my fucking birds in their cage, they were like these infinite God-projections.
...
And then another time, I started thinking about how the earth is spinning even though I feel like i'm standing still... and I started talking about it because it was so fascinating... and my friend started building off of it a bit, and we sort of back and forthed our way up the chain... earth is spinning... then the earth is hurtling through space around the sun... and the sun is hurtling through space around the galaxy's spiral in this big grandiose way... and then the galaxy is hurtling through space around the galactic center...
then it was like my brain couldn't backpedal... too late now, too much knowledge, too much curiousity...
They say curiosity killed the cat... I think they meant to say, curiosity melted my brain... that seems to be more true... especially when high dose or low tolerance thc trips are involved....
