Confessions
- Thread starter Indagrow
- Start date
Indagrow
Well-Known Member
Jesus I'm surprised you even remember it with all that Xanax, just use a rope next time.
was out in Plymouth last night in a house about a football field away from where Columbus stepped off. Girl was being a complete bitchface who owned the house. I had gone there just to sleep with her and just plain couldn't due to her cunty ways. Long story short I threw all her toothbrushes in the toliet ate all her egos and left. Tinder is a great app sometimes, but humans suck.
minnesmoker
Well-Known Member
When I was younger, I liked to act like I was unaware that I was in the vicinity of funeral homes, churches, etc., and would hit on chicks, and when they acted all offended I'd be like "damn, you really need to get laid... Who died and wrecked your day?"
Yeah, it was mean. But the reactions were priceless.
I filled my hash pen up, when I first got here, and walked into the front yard of a police officer's house. His cruiser was parked out front, I walked over towards it, and got BAKED on some oil. Just so I could say that I once got baked in front of a squad car without getting in trouble, and so I could say that I smoked weed at a cop's house.
I've also recently begun to re-meet people that I met as a fugitive (law enforcement friends of the boss lady, mostly) I like to introduce myself, and when they say I look different, I say something like "Yeah, I had long black hair, brown eyes, and I had a different name, too."
I used to save up my stems and bag 'em up. When I had a nice bag of 'em, I'd just sprinkle them around random shit in the parking lot. The police dog would go ape shit. When the officer would walk away from his car, and leave the dog in it, parked by our apartment window, I'd take huge bong rips, and blow them at the car. And then, when the dog went nuts, I'd call the sheriff's department about a vicious dog in the parking lot. And the suspicious WHITE DUDE walking around the dumpsters or casing cars. They always sent an officer to investigate.
Yeah, it was mean. But the reactions were priceless.
I filled my hash pen up, when I first got here, and walked into the front yard of a police officer's house. His cruiser was parked out front, I walked over towards it, and got BAKED on some oil. Just so I could say that I once got baked in front of a squad car without getting in trouble, and so I could say that I smoked weed at a cop's house.
I've also recently begun to re-meet people that I met as a fugitive (law enforcement friends of the boss lady, mostly) I like to introduce myself, and when they say I look different, I say something like "Yeah, I had long black hair, brown eyes, and I had a different name, too."
I used to save up my stems and bag 'em up. When I had a nice bag of 'em, I'd just sprinkle them around random shit in the parking lot. The police dog would go ape shit. When the officer would walk away from his car, and leave the dog in it, parked by our apartment window, I'd take huge bong rips, and blow them at the car. And then, when the dog went nuts, I'd call the sheriff's department about a vicious dog in the parking lot. And the suspicious WHITE DUDE walking around the dumpsters or casing cars. They always sent an officer to investigate.
minnesmoker
Well-Known Member
Oh, one more!!!
I was buying LSD and DOC from a fed. My weed guy got busted with a qp, 10k and a pistol, and was going to try to set up the dude with the LSD. So, he cooperated with the popo -- he didn't know the guy was a fed! (I tried to warn him.)
And, I got into an argument with a neighbor's girlfriend. She pissed me off, so I used eloquent speeches to taunt her, when she finally snapped, I publicly called her out for being racist, and everyone stopped fuckin' with her, and calling her a racist bitch.
I was buying LSD and DOC from a fed. My weed guy got busted with a qp, 10k and a pistol, and was going to try to set up the dude with the LSD. So, he cooperated with the popo -- he didn't know the guy was a fed! (I tried to warn him.)
And, I got into an argument with a neighbor's girlfriend. She pissed me off, so I used eloquent speeches to taunt her, when she finally snapped, I publicly called her out for being racist, and everyone stopped fuckin' with her, and calling her a racist bitch.
Indagrow
Well-Known Member
I had been seeing her for about a month, we had fucked before it got serious. And that's when I noticed it had gotten serious. I just completely stopped talking to her. Not calls, no Facebook, no text no nothing. She texted me for two weeks with just tearjerk material I had to delete without reading. Ran into her sister a week ago with my buddy at a bar "hey Chris, Sarah says hi. Indagrow she does not say hi to you" I don't know what made me do it, but at a certain point I couldn't go back too much dead air. Sorry Sarah I know you liked me and that's why we don't talk, I was just looking for a warm place to rest my...
minnesmoker
Well-Known Member
<INSERT PENIS (JOKE) HERE>
Well played, good sir. A case of the crazies may not be contagious, but it can be lethal when others catch it, around you.
Another confession:
I used to carry 2 burners. I'd go on dates, and if it wasn't going the way I wanted, I'd pocket dial myself and it was my babysitter, with a family emergency! When the phone got too used, I'd throw it out (wipe all of it but the names/avatar pics that I'd taken during coitus, and phone numbers, and leave it on a table at a bar.) Old "backup became new primary, and I'd buy a new burner to replace the lost one.
I also shuffled phones like that when I was a fugitive.
I dated 2 sisters... Mostly at different times, but over one summer I was really busy, and didn't have time for the whole "back and forth" thing, so I talked to 'em and had them make a schedule, giving me a couple nights off every week for "alone time."
Another confession: I've never had an STD. I did get an infection from someone I was dating, but that wasn't my infidelity or wayward practices (it was karma) and it wasn't an STD. I pissed a kidney stone a couple years ago, while at work. I thought I had and STD, and was waiting to go into the doctor until payday. Then, I walked into the woods, and my piss was spraying funny, and hurting worse. It turned a pinkish color, stopped, it felt like I was somehow fucking a running exhaust pipe, with the inside of my dick, and then plop, something shot out, pee got a little pinker for a bit, and pain went away.
demonhaze
Well-Known Member
My probation officer showed up like 4 hours after I took it all, I thought I was talking and acting normal. He disagreed with me however then he checked my med bottles and flipped shit which led to counciling and lots of piss tests smh. That was a miserable time in my life. Never count on somebody when it counts. A girl fucked my head up is what caused it all smh.
Singlemalt
Well-Known Member
1985, freshly divorced, still fighting demons aquired during Uncle Sam's service 14 yrs before. Bought some rural property and trying to become a farmer and nursery business. Working like a dog, moving irrigation pipe all day long and in the evening drinking dago red like a fish. I know no one here, much less women. There was this JW had been coming around and was my only social event...he was a cool guy and I had told him that no religion was allowed. He was a former Marine, I was former Army both of us had been in RVN. So he'd give me the magazines and then we'd talk horticulture, RVN and shit, then they'd leave ( keep this in mind, they always come in at least 2's). One day he comes with 4 people...his wife, some old guy and a hot little nymph. He pulls me aside and says he's been getting shit from th JW's cuz we never talk religion...just bullshit; so would I please give a little and let them make the pitch. OK, I play along and I am fucking charming. He's happy and I can't stop thinking about that hot little nymph. Well, shit! 3 days later lil hottie shows up alone and I'm on the porch into my 3rd bottle of vino. Thank you Jesus! Turn on the charm, swear to God, and get her to drinking and drinking. Poor lil repressed baby. Wants a tour of the greenhouse and end up doing her on a bed of basil. It was heaven. She later leaves having exacted a promise from me to attend a bible study in a few days...of course I don't show, she comes over a couple days later with the Marine's wife (a nice but a tough true believing black lady)....man she dressed me down, calling me Satan and shit...the hottie is in tears, so I excuse myself and come back with 3 glasses and 3 bottles of wine and a steno tablet. Ms Marine is about to stroke out she's so pissed, hottie is wailing and I start drinking heavily; taking notes. Ms Marine is so pissed she can't speak anymore....they pack up and leave. About 6 months later, Mr Marine shows up alone and says I've been blacklisted by the JW's and he can't come around anymore....to this day they have not been back@ Singlemalt
"excellent! someday remind me to tell you about the Jehovah's Witness"
That day is here my friend - your turn.
Perfextionist420
Well-Known Member
so the moral of the story is when jehova's witnesses come around you should try to get them drunk and bang them? challenge accepted
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
Steve French
Well-Known Member
The Jehovah's Witnesses forbid military service... Which begs the question, did somebody actually take one of those sales pitches seriously and convert?
Singlemalt
Well-Known Member
Apparently...he met her after he got out....nice looking woman, but the stereotypic strong religious black lady.....she was a force of nature. If I hadn't been such an asshole and an alky back then I should have been afraid
RPM371
Well-Known Member
When I was 14 I hooked up with a 38yo MILF that lived down the road. Her husband was a trucker and always gone so she was always horny and available. This went on for about 6 months until her conscience got the best of her and she cut me off. Unfortunately, I was still horny. I wound up nailing 2 of her younger sisters (24, 28,) and took her oldest daughter's (2 years younger than me) virginity over the next couple of years. Those Jackson girls sure loved sex. I'll probably burn in Hell, but I still think it was worth it.
My brothers ex's sister.
I hammered the shit outta her years ago.
Damn, I feel bad now.
I hammered the shit outta her years ago.
Damn, I feel bad now.
KeepStickyRolled
Member
We had illegal satellite as a kid. Pay-Per-View, HBO, EVERYTHING was unlocked. I was in 7th grade. Just at the age where my parents would leave me home alone for awhile. I used to watch so much porn! It was like my discovery channel. I then used tapes that my mom used to record her soaps on and turn them into FAP! Movies. I then stashed my collection inside of our pool table. Also stashed away were pictures I had saved from porn sites on those 3 1/2" floppy discs
Ahhh takes me back to a better time haha
Ahhh takes me back to a better time haha
Balzac89
Undercover Mod
Guy I know did just north of 90 in one night turned purple and stopped breathing. He was also a small guy.
He was also an idiot. Not that I need to say it.
demonhaze
Well-Known Member
I'm 6' 4" and around 220. I'm pretty sure that's all that saved me
minnesmoker
Well-Known Member
That, and not using a gun or rope. (Don't hang yourself, I knew a dangler, they said he was conscious and aware of all the shit that happened to him as he thrashed around dying. They had to go with a high-collar shirt cuz the scratches from his nails couldn't be covered up satisfactorily.)
minnesmoker
Well-Known Member
Went to buy a cup of coffee and smoke a bowl on the drive home.
Leaving Starbucks with my blonde roast grande, with 6 ice cubes, I get into my car, get all set to start and pull out, and the idling car next to me honks. I ignore it, thinking the silly chola is just tweaking on meth, or looking for her sharpie. Nope, she wanted to talk shit "Did you just hit my car?" "Probably, you should learn to park, instead of double parking." "Fuck you, move over in the spot <blah blah blah>." (I started my car and was ignoring her.) And then "Fuck you, your an asshole!" "I am indeed, you fucking chola cunt. I'm also a psychopath who hasn't taken his meds." ... I start pulling out, and she's YELLING more shit. So, I just took her license plate number down, and got a nice pic of the car, in case I forget the plate... "Fuck you, asshole, what the fuck are you going to do?" So, I stopped my car and started opening my door, and she rolled up her windows and locked her door. That's when I VERY evidently took the picture of her car.
So, my morning was almost ruined, by a sharpie wearing cunt that sat in a parking lot on the phone, double parked for like 15 minutes, partially in MY spot, and then talking shit to me. But, I recognized the face. She's met one of us before, and I think she peed a little when I started getting out. RAWR! Don't fuck with the dude that walks out of a coffee shop WEARING CUSTOM MADE KNUCKLE DUSTERS. (Maybe she should post that in the NTS thread. LoL.) -- The knuckles, it's a big juggalo hangout area with the Krispy Kremes right there and all. A subtle "Please don't ask me about clowns and their shitty music" statement goes a long way in just being left the fuck alone.
Leaving Starbucks with my blonde roast grande, with 6 ice cubes, I get into my car, get all set to start and pull out, and the idling car next to me honks. I ignore it, thinking the silly chola is just tweaking on meth, or looking for her sharpie. Nope, she wanted to talk shit "Did you just hit my car?" "Probably, you should learn to park, instead of double parking." "Fuck you, move over in the spot <blah blah blah>." (I started my car and was ignoring her.) And then "Fuck you, your an asshole!" "I am indeed, you fucking chola cunt. I'm also a psychopath who hasn't taken his meds." ... I start pulling out, and she's YELLING more shit. So, I just took her license plate number down, and got a nice pic of the car, in case I forget the plate... "Fuck you, asshole, what the fuck are you going to do?" So, I stopped my car and started opening my door, and she rolled up her windows and locked her door. That's when I VERY evidently took the picture of her car.
So, my morning was almost ruined, by a sharpie wearing cunt that sat in a parking lot on the phone, double parked for like 15 minutes, partially in MY spot, and then talking shit to me. But, I recognized the face. She's met one of us before, and I think she peed a little when I started getting out. RAWR! Don't fuck with the dude that walks out of a coffee shop WEARING CUSTOM MADE KNUCKLE DUSTERS. (Maybe she should post that in the NTS thread. LoL.) -- The knuckles, it's a big juggalo hangout area with the Krispy Kremes right there and all. A subtle "Please don't ask me about clowns and their shitty music" statement goes a long way in just being left the fuck alone.
