Mr ADHD
Well-Known Member
Do I actually have any high ground to stand on or am I just another stoner?
Im not looking for someones approval of my actions, nor do I expect an opened arms welcome into the medicinal community. Im just wondering if I have a valid point to argue to my very unhappy wife or not.
so here's my story:
Im 25 years old, married (no kids), and have a full time career. Ive suffered from chronic back pain since a workmans comp injury when I was 19. Followed by a head on collision I was lucky to survive when I was 20. Iv'e always been very anxious/nervous and worry excesively. The anxiety often would make me agressive and easily angered although iv'e never been violent. I was also very depressed even in the best of times. In the past year my wife persuaded me to talk to my physician about the "mental issues" I suffered from since I was growing deeply depressed and also in a growing amount of pain in my back, left hip, and shoulders.
After a few questions I was diagnosed w/ general anxiety dissorder and chronic depresson. For this I was prescribed 20mg of lexapro a day.
A few visits to a skelital muscular specialist showed that my left hip and right shoulder were playing tug of war w/ my spine... For this i was prescribed 10mg percoset and skelaxin. plus some PT that hurt me more then helped me.
Lets fast forward about a year or back up to april of this year depending on your perspective: Gained about 60 pounds from the lexapro, stopped caring about anything, no sexual interest in my very atractive 23 year old wife, depression was there but I just didnt care about it anymore. Anxiety? wondering if we would make the mortgage payment was a waste of my time... Id pay the bills when I felt like it. Hows my back feeling? couldnt get out of bed w/out help (no I wasnt that heavy about 260 pounds) it hurt so much when I wasnt ont he percs.
My wife has always been supportive of me in everything ive done since we were friends in highschool. When I told her that I wanted my life back and was going to stop taking my prescriptions, she preppaired herself for the hell that was to come and was there for me even when I yelled at her for no reason a few times or totaly made an ass out of myself in public due to withdraw and pnaic/anxiety attacks.
After beeing off the meds for about 2 months I was feeling great, started going to the gym, enjoying my hobbies again, and enjoying my wife again if you know what I mean. Ive lost quite a bit of the weight also.
When I followed up w/ my doctor she noticed a big change in my personality and was very happy for me but noticed I was a bit manic and figity. After playing 20 questions I was diagnosed w/ ADHD. I actualy agree w/ this diagnosis, when she gave me scenarios and the predictable responces it was like she was reading my life from a book.
Enter a new demon: Adderall I was prescribed 20mg adderall XR as well as xanax for the ocasional anxiety attacks I still have. The adderall is great for my focus durring the work day, and becuase im not thinking about 5 things at a time my anxiety level dropped quite a bit.
After the 1st week I statred having a lot of trouble regulating my sleep and rememberign to eat. I would cycle from not sleeping or eating for 3 days to sleeping 14 hours a day to having maybe 1 normal night of 8 hours rest a week.
Desperate from the lack of sleep and appitite I took a friend up on a sugestion to try a little cannibus to see if I could eat. I had tried pot before when I was 17 and hated it to be honest, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I took home his donation and threw it in my vaporizer (bought for tobacco to try and quit smoking). Took 1 hit and setled back into my office chair.
I wasnt realy light headed but I felt much more relaxed and after about 45 minutes descided that veggy pizza sounded amazing, called my wife and had her pick it up on the way home. I had 3 slices, coudled up on the couch and watched some tv, tossed around the sheets and got a great nights rest. Woke up feeling ready to face what ever chalenges the day had instore for me.
I did some research on the legal status of medicinal marijuana in the state of maryland and printed it up to present to my doctor. along w/ my account. Surprisingly she didnt dismiss me from her practice but did refuse to right me a "doctors note" marylands almost useless attempt at patient compassion.
So here I am illegaly using what seems like a miracal solution to my problems. I continued to ocasionaly use cannibus as needed, about 3 times a week in the evening after work, before dinner.
Beeing the open and honest persont hat I am I fessed up to my mother who although concerned was happy to see me feeling better.
My mother inlaw who is a cancer patient nurse. Who saw nothing wrong w/ my actions.
and My employer who apriciated my honesty but said I needed that little piece of paper before I would be off the hook on drug test, but was otherwise ok w/ it.
I couldnt actualy fess up to using cannibus to my wife. She was mentaly abused very badly by an ex-boyfriend in highschool who turned out to be a pot dealer. His 3 years of lies and manipulation have realy left a bad conotation in her mind. So I instead told her that I was thinking of trying a little to see if it helps my insomnia and lack of appetite. She basicly informed me she would divorce me if I did, I even got her mother to argue that it would probbibly help me a lot.
So here I am stuck between feeling "normal" and potentialy loosing the person whos helped me the most and always supported me up to this point.
I hadnt used any for a month after that conversation wich brings us to this week.
Im having a very hard time eating, im constantly iritable and depressed. I might sleep 4 hours a night and basicly hate my life. I vaped the last hit lastnight and descided that I was making things worse then they realy were and that a good meal and a shower would fix everything.
I know I forgot to keep track of the pain issue... Its noticable all the time but tollerable. I find that on the days after using my mindset alows me to tollerate and accept it better.
So right now I have my wifes harsh words ringing in my head "your just looking for a high, Ill leave if you ever even think of becoming a pot head like him"
Sorry for the long story but I feel that it conveys what made me turn to marijuana and join this forum.
So am I just a "pot head" or an "illegal medicinal patient" as I like to think of myself?
Edit: I refuse to take the xanax, makes me feel mentaly numb for lack of a better term
Additional edit: My number 1 counter arguement is that if I was looking for a high, why would I decline scripts for percocet and xanax?
Im not looking for someones approval of my actions, nor do I expect an opened arms welcome into the medicinal community. Im just wondering if I have a valid point to argue to my very unhappy wife or not.
so here's my story:
Im 25 years old, married (no kids), and have a full time career. Ive suffered from chronic back pain since a workmans comp injury when I was 19. Followed by a head on collision I was lucky to survive when I was 20. Iv'e always been very anxious/nervous and worry excesively. The anxiety often would make me agressive and easily angered although iv'e never been violent. I was also very depressed even in the best of times. In the past year my wife persuaded me to talk to my physician about the "mental issues" I suffered from since I was growing deeply depressed and also in a growing amount of pain in my back, left hip, and shoulders.
After a few questions I was diagnosed w/ general anxiety dissorder and chronic depresson. For this I was prescribed 20mg of lexapro a day.
A few visits to a skelital muscular specialist showed that my left hip and right shoulder were playing tug of war w/ my spine... For this i was prescribed 10mg percoset and skelaxin. plus some PT that hurt me more then helped me.
Lets fast forward about a year or back up to april of this year depending on your perspective: Gained about 60 pounds from the lexapro, stopped caring about anything, no sexual interest in my very atractive 23 year old wife, depression was there but I just didnt care about it anymore. Anxiety? wondering if we would make the mortgage payment was a waste of my time... Id pay the bills when I felt like it. Hows my back feeling? couldnt get out of bed w/out help (no I wasnt that heavy about 260 pounds) it hurt so much when I wasnt ont he percs.
My wife has always been supportive of me in everything ive done since we were friends in highschool. When I told her that I wanted my life back and was going to stop taking my prescriptions, she preppaired herself for the hell that was to come and was there for me even when I yelled at her for no reason a few times or totaly made an ass out of myself in public due to withdraw and pnaic/anxiety attacks.
After beeing off the meds for about 2 months I was feeling great, started going to the gym, enjoying my hobbies again, and enjoying my wife again if you know what I mean. Ive lost quite a bit of the weight also.
When I followed up w/ my doctor she noticed a big change in my personality and was very happy for me but noticed I was a bit manic and figity. After playing 20 questions I was diagnosed w/ ADHD. I actualy agree w/ this diagnosis, when she gave me scenarios and the predictable responces it was like she was reading my life from a book.
Enter a new demon: Adderall I was prescribed 20mg adderall XR as well as xanax for the ocasional anxiety attacks I still have. The adderall is great for my focus durring the work day, and becuase im not thinking about 5 things at a time my anxiety level dropped quite a bit.
After the 1st week I statred having a lot of trouble regulating my sleep and rememberign to eat. I would cycle from not sleeping or eating for 3 days to sleeping 14 hours a day to having maybe 1 normal night of 8 hours rest a week.
Desperate from the lack of sleep and appitite I took a friend up on a sugestion to try a little cannibus to see if I could eat. I had tried pot before when I was 17 and hated it to be honest, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I took home his donation and threw it in my vaporizer (bought for tobacco to try and quit smoking). Took 1 hit and setled back into my office chair.
I wasnt realy light headed but I felt much more relaxed and after about 45 minutes descided that veggy pizza sounded amazing, called my wife and had her pick it up on the way home. I had 3 slices, coudled up on the couch and watched some tv, tossed around the sheets and got a great nights rest. Woke up feeling ready to face what ever chalenges the day had instore for me.
I did some research on the legal status of medicinal marijuana in the state of maryland and printed it up to present to my doctor. along w/ my account. Surprisingly she didnt dismiss me from her practice but did refuse to right me a "doctors note" marylands almost useless attempt at patient compassion.
So here I am illegaly using what seems like a miracal solution to my problems. I continued to ocasionaly use cannibus as needed, about 3 times a week in the evening after work, before dinner.
Beeing the open and honest persont hat I am I fessed up to my mother who although concerned was happy to see me feeling better.
My mother inlaw who is a cancer patient nurse. Who saw nothing wrong w/ my actions.
and My employer who apriciated my honesty but said I needed that little piece of paper before I would be off the hook on drug test, but was otherwise ok w/ it.
I couldnt actualy fess up to using cannibus to my wife. She was mentaly abused very badly by an ex-boyfriend in highschool who turned out to be a pot dealer. His 3 years of lies and manipulation have realy left a bad conotation in her mind. So I instead told her that I was thinking of trying a little to see if it helps my insomnia and lack of appetite. She basicly informed me she would divorce me if I did, I even got her mother to argue that it would probbibly help me a lot.
So here I am stuck between feeling "normal" and potentialy loosing the person whos helped me the most and always supported me up to this point.
I hadnt used any for a month after that conversation wich brings us to this week.
Im having a very hard time eating, im constantly iritable and depressed. I might sleep 4 hours a night and basicly hate my life. I vaped the last hit lastnight and descided that I was making things worse then they realy were and that a good meal and a shower would fix everything.
I know I forgot to keep track of the pain issue... Its noticable all the time but tollerable. I find that on the days after using my mindset alows me to tollerate and accept it better.
So right now I have my wifes harsh words ringing in my head "your just looking for a high, Ill leave if you ever even think of becoming a pot head like him"
Sorry for the long story but I feel that it conveys what made me turn to marijuana and join this forum.
So am I just a "pot head" or an "illegal medicinal patient" as I like to think of myself?
Edit: I refuse to take the xanax, makes me feel mentaly numb for lack of a better term
Additional edit: My number 1 counter arguement is that if I was looking for a high, why would I decline scripts for percocet and xanax?
You know what you should do. before you leave her....make some cannabutter and bake cookies and give them to her, then dip.
