Brother / Sister Relationship Gone South

maineyankee

Active Member
Good Day :-)
I have found myself on the outs with my younger sister (by 5 years), and this has caused great hardship on my family, as well as myself. It has never been a great relationship, but one that was better than it's current state, as to where we do not even talk to each other, visit on another, etc. Nothing. This all stems from at least 3 years ago, when in a heated argument where she bashed my wife of 28 years, and stated to her in my presence, "That she was, and never will be, a part of our family." I was furious, and had a cup of tepid coffee, and threw it at her in rage. I know that my actions were not condoned, even by myself, and I apologized (not accepted by her at all, still today) in a heartfelt manner. She has a tendency not to forgive anyone, and bears this burden for a long time.

This past September I suffered a major heart attack, my second in three years, nearly dying this time, and she never came to visit at all. Her children, because it is their mother, side with her, and are cold towards me, as well as my wife and daughter. Before all of this, I would take them on outings, both as a group, as well as on individual outings. Christmas this year was spent away from both my mom, as well as my sister and family, for I cannot put any more stress on my heart. I strongly feel that my mom, although caught in the middle by her children, sides with my sister on what she is told. Despite what others have told her concerning my sisters actions, she (my mom) still takes for my sister. I currently have 6 stents on one artery, and cannot take any more stress.

On Christmas Eve, my daughter was asked for her hand in marriage. My daughter asked (2) close friends to be her Maid of Honour, and they both had to decline because of the drama that my sister has caused, and probably will cause at the July wedding. My daughter does not want even to invite her only Aunt (On my side) to the wedding, in case of drama and over riding on my sister's part. In the past, she has caused my wife great pain, by brushing her aside, and stating that "She will be her Birthing Coach", and also that "She will decide on who comes to the Baby Shower" etc. Toatally a control freak to say the least, even though it is not her daughters. She has (2) daughters that will be ample time for her to get into the limelight.

I have no inkling on what to do, but as I stated, this has caused a great divide among us. Any help and suggestions are deeply appreciated.

The MaineYankee
 

dannyboy602

Well-Known Member
i too have had a falling out with a younger sis. i had to bury the hatchet and although i do forgive her i won't forget the destruction of trust built over the years. i only did it for familys sake. sorry to hear bout the heart prob.
 

dirtsurfr

Well-Known Member
The Christmas holidays sucK!!!!
Great time to hate famlie, Sounds like little sis started it. Let her cool her heels and leave her be, if she don't figure out why and doesn't ask you have a messed up situation. I really shouldn't say a thing I'm a fucked up mess too.
 

purklize

Active Member
It sounds like you're doing what you can. If she's going to be a brick wall, no use slamming your head against it...

You may benefit by spending some time reading about Buddhist philosophy... I am a completely godless atheist, so you don't need to be religious for it to resonate with you, it's really more a philosophy than a religion as there's no "faith" involved. Xanax is probably the only thing that can bring me as much peace as proper meditation.

http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-Not-What-You-Think/dp/0060507233
I uploaded my pdf copies of this and another good title if you want to check it out, these books really helped me:
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=L5EPJNIM
http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XRJ9Y6GU

I promise it's not a bunch of religious bs... I was really pleasantly surprised how full of insight these books were. Helped me find peace, as hard as that can be.

Had problems with my sister myself... though I am lucky at how trivial the problems are comparatively... she has shoveled unrelenting criticism and insults on me for years with no provocation (I never said anything, until this Christmas, when I finally blew up in front of the whole family). Now we don't talk either... so stupid...
 
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