creepy's stories

so every now and then i get intoxicated and something bad/amusing happens. here is where ill share those stories. feel free to share yours too.

to begin... im back home from school living with my parents. one night last week i took my ambien. i decided to take a little more cuz it wasnt doing its job. and cuz im not going to lie. i wanted to feel something. i end up taking 40 mg. as i wait for it to kick in i go online and begin look at porn. my computer is on my floor so im laying on my stomach. a little while later i feel something bubbling in my gut. i think its gas and try to let it out. oh boy was i wrong. it was the remnants of the beer shits i had all day. a brown gooey liquid shoots out my bum and covers my legs. (im naked cuz i like to sleep like that. and cuz i was watching porn. so what) at this point the pills are kicking in so im confused and in a drunk like stupor. i stand up and asses the damage. brown goo all over my floor. i walk to the bathroom to shower and clean up. i didnt realize until the next day when my step dad knocks on my door asking me why is there shit coming from my room to the bathroom. i completely forgot about it. what else could i do but laugh it off and clean it up. thank god i have dogs other wise it might not have been so easy to get out of the carpet.

that is actually one of the funniest thing i've ever read on here. gads!

couple of nights ago one of my mates was wasted, tried to step into one of his flip flops. the thing broke, his foot went right through it and he did a full on bicycle kick, like when someone slips on a banana skin in a cartoon. classic.
a year or so back i was at this same guy's house, and he'd gone upstairs to get a joint. i'm sitting with his bro chatting away, looking out the deck windows, and my mate just plummets down from the floor above, SMACKS onto the decking, gets up, comes in the door and goes right back upstairs as though nothing had happened. it was sooooo sweet. turned out he'd been looking out the window, dropped the joint, and tried to climb down the roof to get it. fail.

Wow, creepy, that has to be one of the most hilarious and foul stories I've ever read. I have a similar one...

Once, many many years ago when I was in high school, I took this really hot chick on a date. I'd been wanting to date her for a long time, and after months of working my game, she finally accepted. We go to dinner and a movie and everything was working out really well. While we were in the movie, we started to make out, so I knew that she was pretty much ready to throw down with me. After the movie, I said, "Why don't we take a drive to the country for some privacy." She said that would be cool and gave me a look that said, "You just might get some if you play your cards right." We roll out to the country to a spot that I'd taken girls to before. Once there, we proceed to do some heavy making out. Before we actually got down to business, I decided that I needed to piss, so I got out of the car and walked a little ways away. I started pissing, but suddenly, I felt the need to fart. Well, I guess dinner didn't agree with me or something, because rather than letting out a satisfying fart, I accidentally shat my pants a little. I realized it as soon as it happened, but I was so horny that I thought, "Aw man, maybe she won't notice and will still fuck me. Well, needless to say, the chick smelled the shit as soon as I got back in the car. She was like, "Did you just shit your pants?!" I go, "Um, yeah. Is that a problem?" Needless to say, she demanded that I take her home immediately and never wanted to talk to me again. The only good thing about the whole incident was that as far as I know, she never told anyone about that night. I guess she didn't even want to be associated with the guy who accidentally shit his pants on the first date.

I was blazed and found a small child once. No shit. 2 am and I hear crying so me and my buddy go into this alley and 2 year old was crying lost....found his house. All worked out but fucking weird...

ruderalis88 said:

that is actually one of the funniest thing i've ever read on here. gads!

couple of nights ago one of my mates was wasted, tried to step into one of his flip flops. the thing broke, his foot went right through it and he did a full on bicycle kick, like when someone slips on a banana skin in a cartoon. classic.
a year or so back i was at this same guy's house, and he'd gone upstairs to get a joint. i'm sitting with his bro chatting away, looking out the deck windows, and my mate just plummets down from the floor above, SMACKS onto the decking, gets up, comes in the door and goes right back upstairs as though nothing had happened. it was sooooo sweet. turned out he'd been looking out the window, dropped the joint, and tried to climb down the roof to get it. fail.

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hahahahahaha i can picture the second one! i wish i would have seen that. i was cracking up when i was reading it!

YGrow said:

Wow, creepy, that has to be one of the most hilarious and foul stories I've ever read. I have a similar one...

Once, many many years ago when I was in high school, I took this really hot chick on a date. I'd been wanting to date her for a long time, and after months of working my game, she finally accepted. We go to dinner and a movie and everything was working out really well. While we were in the movie, we started to make out, so I knew that she was pretty much ready to throw down with me. After the movie, I said, "Why don't we take a drive to the country for some privacy." She said that would be cool and gave me a look that said, "You just might get some if you play your cards right." We roll out to the country to a spot that I'd taken girls to before. Once there, we proceed to do some heavy making out. Before we actually got down to business, I decided that I needed to piss, so I got out of the car and walked a little ways away. I started pissing, but suddenly, I felt the need to fart. Well, I guess dinner didn't agree with me or something, because rather than letting out a satisfying fart, I accidentally shat my pants a little. I realized it as soon as it happened, but I was so horny that I thought, "Aw man, maybe she won't notice and will still fuck me. Well, needless to say, the chick smelled the shit as soon as I got back in the car. She was like, "Did you just shit your pants?!" I go, "Um, yeah. Is that a problem?" Needless to say, she demanded that I take her home immediately and never wanted to talk to me again. The only good thing about the whole incident was that as far as I know, she never told anyone about that night. I guess she didn't even want to be associated with the guy who accidentally shit his pants on the first date.

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at least you didnt shit while having sex! hahahaha or worse while getting head! lmao! great story!

Kodank Moment said:

I was blazed and found a small child once. No shit. 2 am and I hear crying so me and my buddy go into this alley and 2 year old was crying lost....found his house. All worked out but fucking weird...

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lol thats messed up. at least it had a good ending.


im glad you guys found the humor in this like i did. anyone else have some stories?

i gotta a few nothing that really compares to this "shit" tho.

Haha Creepy funny ass story.. Hella funny that your step dad noticed it in the morning to..

Ruderalis cant believe he acted like nothing happened... Just like ah shit..

Ygrow that made me hella laugh.. I once new a kid that got dome in the bathroom at a rave and decided to take a shit during.. When asked how he wiped without her noticing he replied "Im on ecstasy man... I didnt fuckin wipe''



I got one... The night i lost my virginity me and my roomate were over at this girls house that id been hanging out with alot.. We were all partying, and their was like 7 of us their... Well anyways at one point one of the girls suggested we watch some porn and everyone was like alright whatever.. Anyways as we are watchin everyone slowly starts dissipating to rooms throughout the house.. Eventually it just ended with my roomate passed out on the floor and me and that girl fooling around on the couch.. Well i shit you not i fuckin passed out with my fingers in her and next thing i know she kicked some beer cans and they fell off the table and it apparently spooked my roomate because he just sat up immediately and the combination of the two woke me up... Then i ended up slaying it on her front porch, got whiskey dick and unfortunately never slayed it again... Still to this day i dont know if she realized i fell asleep while fingering her... I hope she did though haha...


There was a valuable lesson i learned from this whole experience though.. If its your first time with that specific girl and your so drunk your on the point of passing out, dont try and hit it cause chances are you wont be able to keep it up anyway haha..

hahaha man whiskey dick is embarrassing! ive learned though any girl who is around drinking/drugs for a good amount of time will know and be understanding about whiskey/amphetamine/benzo/phenethylamine dick hahaha

Ya thats true for sure.. I mean that was back when i was just barely 18 and i think she was like 16 or 17 so we were still pretty knew into getting fucked up but she def wasnt knew with getting fucked... Yeah she was def a ho and my whiskey dick def didnt impress her haha..


It was def a good lesson never the less...


Btw i guess not all chicks know about whiskey dick lol. My buddy was having sex with his girlfriend and he got it and she started to cry cause she though she wasnt attractive enough or something... Both of them have been partying for along time..

this one is funny... it didnt happen to me, but i was an eyewitness to the event, and true to the saying, its always funnier when its someone else. its a long story, with a bit of a setup, so i hope you dont mind the read.

Once upon a time, not long ago, when people lived pajamas and lived life slow, i was running a construction job in panama city beach, fl. this was typical of my jobs, being high profile, short deadline, and very stressfull. however it was also a very lucrative project, the money was nice(fed scale,plus fringe, plus 50 a day per diem, all lodging and travel expenses paid in full and in advance), the company was making a small fortune, and as long as work got done, we did what we wanted within reason at the compnies expense. to those of you that are not familiar with that type of situation, its called carte blanche.
me, being a fair, if somewhat stern and demanding boss, i knew that because of the very stressfull work conditions (and believe me, i wont go into details, it was HELL) the guys really needed to go out on a regular basis and blow off some steam. if not, they'd just end up fighting each other and causing all sorts of bs drama that a tightly knit out of town construction crew does not need. and to complicate things by one hundredfold, we were in panama city beach, fl. aka spring break haven for about a 1500 mile radius..... yeah, the beach resort town is packed full from march to labor day full of all kinds of trouble to get into, and all the traffic and crowds that accompany it. so tensions were high in the crew, tempers were on edge, it was a thursday night, we were scheduled for a weekend home leaving fri, so i decided, its time to go out boys! i told everyone @ lunchtime to go back to the condos and get prettied up, were going out on the company tonite. and thats where the going gets good.

Enter Nigger Slim...

Nigger Slim (im not rascist, thats what the man called himself, and the only name i ever knew him by, he took no offense to it and like i said, refers to himself as nigger slim) was one of those cats you always find hanging around big jobsites. he worked for some company involved with the project as a laborer or something, but he spent most of his time doging his bosses and tryijng to sell anything and everything to all the guys. every big job has at least one guy like Nigger Slim, and if its a job where out of town contractors are involved, theres prolly two or three nigger slims lurking around in the shadows. well 3 of my guys had a taste for the columbian marching powder, and hadnt had any for a few months, and decided to talk old nigger slim into scoring an 8ball for them. so nigger slim, happy to oblige, hooks them up. fast forward to later on in the evening...........

We made it back to beachhouses after work with no incidents, everyone got dressed up and cleaned up, i smoked a blunt or 2, and martialed my forces. we decided to walk to the clubs, our condos were on the beach strip anyway, the traffic was silly,and, well there was hot ladies everywhere, even if they were at the limits of legality > so we went to club lavella, it was lame, we went to beachcombers, it was lamer, then we ended up @ spinnakers because about a dozen little sorority hotties from UK talked us in there, lol. I guess at some point in spinnakers is when my boys decided to blast off. now i dont care what my guys do on there own time, its none of my business and all i ask is that they show up and do there jobs, and these guys do more than that, so as far as im concerned, there on there own if they get caught, but im willing to turn a blind eye. i mean shit, i smoke 3 joints a day on site sometimes so who am i to judge? but i do know better.....lol

So I guess what happened, as I was able to peice together later on back at the beachhouse, was this:

After blasting a gram or so, the 3 guys that got geeked up hit the bar with the intention of ordering some drinks, well when that happened, some how, one of them bumped into a girl and almost knocked her down, that, i did see, and i can say it was a pure accident. well the girl had some 'im a jock, therefore im tougher, faster, and dumber than everyone else around me' kind of guys hitting on her when it happened, and he sees a prime opportunity to be captain save-a-ho and give my buddy a rough time for bumping into his potential prize. except that Gene, the guy that bumped into the girl, would probably kill the poor jock before he knew what him... Gene spent 2 weeks behind enemy lines in northern iraq ahead of the invasion forces, Gene has killed with his bare hands... Gene also watched 3 of his good buddies get blown to bits right in front of him. Gene is a little unstable... and the jock, bless his stupid heart, is Sicilian enough he could pass for an arab, especially in the low light of a club. immediatly i move in to break things up before it gets out of control, sadly, i wasnt fast enough, but gene was in a good mood, instead of breaking an arm or leg or neck, he decides to take this opportunity to show off, and in about .05 seconds after the jock was dumb enough to stick his finger in gene's chest, gene has him on the ground crying for his buddies to get this 'freaky old dude' off of him.... lol. I seem to remember gene holding his drink the entire time and smiling that wierd grin he gets when you dont know if he's remembering something funny from family guy last night, or if he is contemplating disembowling you with a dull hot knife. This is where things start to get pretty funny.

So security and I get to the scene of the humilitation of the jock at about the same time, security is screaming bloody murder for the police that is always around those kind of places at that time of night, and through some quick talking, i manage to get myself and the rest of my guys that were still there out the door before the law shows up. By this time, full paranoia has kicked in on the 3 that just had to blast off to have a good time. i mean it was all fun and games untill security got on the radio and mentioned the word 'police' that was enough to scare the living shit out of my guys, all 3 of them had responsibilities, families, or some reason or the other where getting into any legal trouble was simply not an option. so we where in the parking lot, waiting for the rest of the guys to come out so we could get out of there, the 3 guys decide to go 'take a leak' and powder there noses in the bushes real quick. why? i dont know, like i said, i was just there. but at about the time where they where snorting up, boom! the door to the bar flies open, and here comes security, the jock from inside, and 2 PCB police officers.... the 3 in the bushes see that and go into 110% full blown panic, and without thinking that they cops were there to take mr jock to jail, they take off running for there lives! the 3 of them sprint through the parking lot, top speed, right in front of the 2 cops that see them coming, stop walking mr jock, and just kind of stare dumbfounded at the 3 idiots that just popped out of the bushes and are now running across the parking lot. well, they ran so fast they ran out of parking lot, and found themselves looking @ a six foot chainlink fence. without stopping, and in a move worthy of olympic synchronized fence hopping, all 3 hopped the fence at full sprint and jumped over to the other side....
...where they found an 8 foot deep artificial mangrove swamp, at the bottom of a 10 foot vertical drop! lol... a hotel resort garden meant to mimic the fl keys!!!! rofl... cell phones, wallets, there stash, 'nice clothes', all ruined in one fell splash...

...So the 2 cops, leave mr jock in the custody of there cruiser, and jog across the parking lot and shine there flashlights down into the swamp, and there, in the muck, are 3 slime covered very unhappy and very paranoid dudes, treading swampwater and smiling back at them....rofl! the cops immediatly order them out of the water, but the only way out was on the other side, so they had to swim crawl and drag themselves through some of the nastiest shit you can imagine to get out, and explain themselves. Well the get out, and are standing there, and one of the cops says, 'you know what, just forget it, i dont want your nasty, stinking asses in my cruiser anyways, and to be honest, i dont really want to know what made you jump into a swamp, so get the fuck out of here before i decide to change my mind' so they got out of dodge in short order.

Larry, Mike, and Gene, if one of you are reading this, i know i said it would stay in FL, but this one was just too good to keep under wraps forever...lol sorry dudes!

To this day, whenever i see one of them, i still say " whats up swamp thing?"

lol


a long story, but a true one.

Funny story iam5toned.. I can just picture it now haha..