Family - how far have you gone ?

GreatwhiteNorth said:

I appreciate the responses guys.
Last night one of our adult daughters dropped a bomb on us.
She is single and has given us two beautiful Grandsons - last night she informed us that she had given birth to a 3rd (2 months ago) & given him up for adoption that didn't work out (the prospective couple found out that they were pregnant).
Additionally, while in the hospital on baby issues they found her lungs riddled with tumors - they performed a biopsy today with results pending but my gut tells me they won't be good.

I told her on no terms would I bless my grandson being adopted by strangers - you never abandon family, ever !
I am too fucking old to tend to a 2 month old in addition to his young brothers should the worst happen.
We are at the end of our rope praying for a miracle.

Sorry for dumping this on my friends,
Damn !!

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Oh man GWN. I am sorry to hear this. I am sending good thoughts (my equivalent of prayer) your way, and your grandchildren's ... and of course to your daughter.

Winter Woman said:

GWN, I can understand your opinion of adoption. I once had that attitude too. Then my brother found out that he and his wife will never have blood children. They adopted a little baby boy that had epilepsy, ADHD, plus other learning disabilities. They gave him everything that they could think of: a private school for 'special children' (the absolute best thing for him) to help them survive in the world, special doctors, etc. He wanted for nothing.

They loved him as if he was their actual blood, I loved him unconditionally. I couldn't imagine our life without him. He passed away from a grand Mal-seizure at work at the age of 21.

Adoption might hurt your heart but in the end it might be the best thing that ever happens to that child. An open adoption might be the answer for you.

Much love and peace,
WW

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WW, I value your opinion more than you know - but - I cannot get past my familial obligation.
Those 3 boys are my blood, my family, and to have them grow up not knowing their origins destroys me.
It has not come to that - we are taking care of the legal end of things, ensuring that should the worst come to fruition that we will have legal custody of them.

Talk about turning one's world upside down !

GreatwhiteNorth said:

WW, I value your opinion more than you know - but - I cannot get past my familial obligation.
Those 3 boys are my blood, my family, and to have them grow up not knowing their origins destroys me.
It has not come to that - we are taking care of the legal end of things, ensuring that should the worst come to fruition that we will have legal custody of them.

Talk about turning one's world upside down !

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I can certainly understand wanting him to know who you are and what their bio background really is. Adoption isn't what it was when my nephew was adopted. The first thing my brother did was put a letter in Jason's file telling the bio parents to contact them whenever they wanted-no one ever called, what a shame.

There are so many things to consider. You have to do what is best for him and then what is best for you, imho, in that order. I know you are good man and will do what is right for all concerned.

Only the absolute best to all,
WW

If only children were as easy to raise as plants.

In addition to your financial expenditures, I would have a long and productive conversation with daughter...3 children by different men is generally an indication of low self esteem/and or other issues.

Best wishes.

There are no absolutes.

This is your family's story, the book isn't finished when the author puts ink to page one last time but is carried on with scribbles of the next generation.

GWN this is never easy, is was never meant to be as I'm sure you're well aware of but that doesn't mean you can't deal with it in a manner of which you excel...hunting. Get this in your sights and do what you do best {metaphorically speaking of course }.

Wishing all the best, my man.

Winter Woman said:

I can certainly understand wanting him to know who you are and what their bio background really is. Adoption isn't what it was when my nephew was adopted. The first thing my brother did was put a letter in Jason's file telling the bio parents to contact them whenever they wanted-no one ever called, what a shame.

There are so many things to consider. You have to do what is best for him and then what is best for you, imho, in that order. I know you are good man and will do what is right for all concerned.

Only the absolute best to all,
WW

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This is unfortunately not about only 1 of 3 - should the worst happen I shall have to look out for the needs of all of them.

Sunbiz1 said:

If only children were as easy to raise as plants.

In addition to your financial expenditures, I would have a long and productive conversation with daughter...3 children by different men is generally an indication of low self esteem/and or other issues.

Best wishes.

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Spot on bro. I do believe it is an esteem issue.

MojoRison said:

There are no absolutes.

This is your family's story, the book isn't finished when the author puts ink to page one last time but is carried on with scribbles of the next generation.

GWN this is never easy, is was never meant to be as I'm sure you're well aware of but that doesn't mean you can't deal with it in a manner of which you excel...hunting. Get this in your sights and do what you do best {metaphorically speaking of course }.

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Thanks Mojo - you've always been full of the best kind of bs.

ClaytonBigsby said:

Wishing all the best, my man.

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Thanks bro - now go start a thread to make me laugh.

GWN that is a heavy load but judgin from your post here on RIU i think your a true man & down to earth ....... givin those kids that structure in todays world would be a blessin to them in the future....good luck & best wishs my friend.

I am truly sorry to hear your dilemma, but family is family and as you say they are your blood and they should never be separated from their siblings or blood relatives. I had the same situation with my daughter whilst I was having chemo, she had a tumor on her thyroid and they said it contained cancer cells we were all very scared and my grandson was 12months old. She made a will stating that her dad and I were to become the legal guardians of her son and we were to raise him in the event of her death, I was gravely ill and not knowing what my fate was to be I just couldn't imagine having to raise a 12 month old child, it wasn't just my age but my health and the prospect that I to may die that worried me. But I made her that promise and I would have stuck by it, I could not or would not let anyone else raise that baby he had my blood running through his veins and if I had to get outside help to help raise him then I would have done, infact I would have done anything to avoid him being raised by some stranger. Has it happened the tumor was removed with half her thyroid, I couldn't go and visit her in hospital because I had no immune system it was a tough few weeks but she recovered and I'm sure that's what will happen with your daughter. I feel for your family deeply and I hope with all my heart that things work out for you, I had a physical pain in my heart when I went through it, but it made me stronger to fight for my own life so I didn't let my grandson down and I know you won't let your grandchild down either, you will do what needs to be done and you will keep your family together and they will be all the better for it. Good luck my friend my thoughts and prayers are with you. xx

hmm who is the jerk who deleted my post? Thats ok gwn I'll ignore you by will.

Gwn I hope for the best for you and your grands but what type of position is your daughter in to be making babies and just dropped them off. No disrespect by that but I'd do the same and take in grands while having a LONG talk with my daughter.

wyteberrywidow said:

Gwn I hope for the best for you and your grands but what type of position is your daughter in to be making babies and just dropped them off. No disrespect by that but I'd do the same and take in grands while having a LONG talk with my daughter.

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I agree completely - we've been over this with her, but what's done is done and here they are here through no will of their own and deserve the best life I can give them should things go bad.

Still no biopsy results as yet.

Things will be for the better and if it comes to you taking in the Grands then their lucky to have you..

third base

If money is tight there is always WIC for formula and foodstamps for the older ones. I am sure the wife will enjoy having the grandkids around.

Plenty of ways to make things work when they really need to. Calm and clearheaded.

I wish you strength in this time of turmoil. You are a good grandpa

as the mother of a son who has cousins he'll never know somewhere out there, my deepest applause for your commitment to your blood.
wishing good energies your way