Great Stoner Quotes

Also yesterday we waked and baked made a gravity bong and my friend matt yells at my tv saying take that George Clinton haha

"Wake and Bake!" You gotta love waking up to friends saying that in your ear

my friend matt woke up to my call said i will be over in a min he was over in that time we made a gravity bong out of 2 five gallon buckets and we drilled a hole in the top and made a huge bowl and we got stoned as shit after the first hit ha

My friend and I were hanging out smoking as usual. He spills bong water on himself so I lent him a pair of my sweatpants while he threw his pants in the wash. About an hour later he remembers he has to call someone, reaches down and says "Dude! I think someone stole my pockets."
I laughed my ass off for so long

"I dont hate people who dont want to, I just feel really bad that they dont know what they are missing." cheeto <3

Confucius say he who stand on toilet high on pot

I was at work the other day and was going to a jobsite so i figured id smoke a bowl on the way there. As i turned the corner...the golden arches caught my eye so i said forget it and pulled into the drive through. Ordered a fish sandwich, and a quarter pounder with fries. So the lady says, if you make that a large meal you get a free coke. So im like score, supsersize me. As i waited in line i took a few more tokes and pulled up to the window. While waiting for my order i figured id better pull out my money. Thats when it happened. This dude i guess had his hand outside the window, didnt say anything, and when i turned around he was handing me something and all i could think was..what the fuck is that...and i actually said it out loud...as i reached out to take it from him in a haze i couldnt think. Took the cup from him and was like whoa...thats cool. I havent seen these before. Well, apparently it was some promotional thing and the lady had said free coke glass..and i missed the glass part :\ So as im pullin away and gettin crazy eyes from this guy all i could think was shit..total half-baked moment...


still havent gone back either...

"you guys wanna go to mcdonalds drive thru and run over a little girl on a bike?"

"hey you got any guns we can point at ourselves?"

obviously in reference to over-the-top anti-marijuana ads

"in an infinite universe we'd be kissing right now. fag." among countless other infinite universe hypotheticals

"marijuana tree plant"

K: "okay we'll burn one, let me go get my can"
C: "wait you guys smoke off a can? cuz i have a piece in my car i can grab..."
K: "no no, it's a Barbasol can, it's a safe"
C: "actually it's NOT safe, you're inhaling aluminum fumes"
K: "..."

This is my first post here.


We're in my friends basement, and we go upstairs to get some munchies. We think we grab some slim jims and then grab a dog treat that looks like a slim jim to give to our other friend. We give it to him, he takes a couple bites and while he's chewing, he just yells out "THIS SLIMJIM TASTES LIKE SHIT"

we were all so fucking blazed we cryed for the rest of the night.

a great one from my friend when she was high as shit "look el pads and kneebow pads"

at macdonalds...

'what the fuck are you doing here rayner' 'you havent even got any food'

at mcdonalds to
"rayner, are you like indian or something, your definitely from around here"

this is england on rayner

haha yeah i know, well its not his fault

Overheard a Mc Donalds clerk comment

"Man, them Chinese people be stupid"

Cruising with a buddy baked and we pass a water fountain. He points at the fountain and says "dude...what if.....what if....that was a giant bong.....what?" haha

sitting at the bar with my friend and he leans over and whispers in my ear...."Am I yelling?"

me- is raping a hooker sexual assualt or burglary?
friend- um man i think its rape
me- no shit dumbass but thats not wat im askin
friend-... oh yea did you ask where my bong was?
me- wow your dumb......

me and a friend were at his grandpas house and i was talkin to his grandpa tryin to act sober and we got on the subject of there being fish in the creek behind his house so we talked about that for a min and then we switched to discussing wat is better cable or dish after a heated argument(mainly because i was stoned) his grandma looks up from the newspaper and says i like flounder...
i laughed so hard i ran outside lol its ok if i poke smot and type im smart enough

one of my quotes "Some say drugs ruin your life, Personally i could get used to talking to flowers!"

procrastanaters unite tomorrow