How to crap in the woods

Stoney McFried

Stoney McFried

Well-Known Member
My advice would be "quietly", but here's an actual video about some techniques you can use if you've never had an anus and been without access to a bathroom. At least, that's who I think it's for, because I thought crapping was pretty straightforward.


[video]<iframe id="dit-video-embed" width="640" height="360" src="http://snagplayer.video.dp.discovery.com/844521/snag-it-player.htm?auto=no" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>[/video]
 
L

LIBERTYCHICKEN

Well-Known Member
City people

Its a sad day when some one has to be told how to krap in the woods

Quitely ????? Why do the deer laugh


I will leave you with a TP tip thow mullen makes a world class TP that cant be bought



Just so you dont kill any one

- 100 yards from your water source , and down stream !!!!
 
Nutes and Nugs

Nutes and Nugs

Well-Known Member
Stoney McFried said:
My advice would be "quietly", but here's an actual video about some techniques you can use if you've never had an anus and been without access to a bathroom. At least, that's who I think it's for, because I thought crapping was pretty straightforward.


[video]<iframe id="dit-video-embed" width="640" height="360" src="http://snagplayer.video.dp.discovery.com/844521/snag-it-player.htm?auto=no" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>[/video]
Click to expand...
That link comes up "about blank" but I was fascinated with a similar video on some camping tv show.
THe guy was digging a hole and crapped in a bag b4 burring his pile.
I had to LOL over that shit.

The best outdoor toilet I found was a smaller tree that grew like a topped plant in a Y shape.
Very comfortable.
 
Nutes and Nugs

Nutes and Nugs

Well-Known Member
an as soon as you crap big flies are swarming it,
fuck around too long and they will start probing your ass.
Well, at least in summer...
 
donmagicjuan

donmagicjuan

Active Member
lean back dont piss on the seat of ur pants u can sit or lean by a tree, its kind of a gateway drug... what do u feel like doing next...???
 
Nutes and Nugs

Nutes and Nugs

Well-Known Member
I saw it on the free tv LWN 'living well network'.
It's playing now or I wouldn't have remembered.
A show called Motion.
I think it was Backpacking 101.

He explains the proper way to 'pinch a loaf' in the woods.

Too funny!
 
BarnBuster

BarnBuster

Virtually Unknown Member
LOL was out camping once, friend dropped trou and let loose 2 pounds of lumpy gravy, most of it down the backside of the only pair of pants he had. Moral of story is directional control.
 
Stoney McFried

Stoney McFried

Well-Known Member
It was on a show called Hillbilly Blood. This was some bonus footage. Let me see if this link works.
[video]http://www.destinationamerica.com/tv-shows/hillbilly-blood/videos/digital-exclusive-how-to-crap-in-the-woods.htm[/video]
Nutes and Nugs said:
That link comes up "about blank" but I was fascinated with a similar video on some camping tv show.
THe guy was digging a hole and crapped in a bag b4 burring his pile.
I had to LOL over that shit.

The best outdoor toilet I found was a smaller tree that grew like a topped plant in a Y shape.
Very comfortable.
Click to expand...
 
Ilovebush

Ilovebush

Well-Known Member
I guess the hardest part is the squatting without soiling your pants...leg presses will help with this. Easiest way is if you can find a tree to lean against so you can get your pants/legs out as far away from your turd as possible...just make sure it is rigid enough to support your weight otherwise you'll be wearing it. If pissing on yourself is the problem...simple fix is a funnel attached to a 1" diameter piece of hose used as an extension so you can guide the stream wherever you please...kinda like what pilots use in planes having no toilet.
 
FractalReal

FractalReal

Member
Once escorted my now ex-girlfriend out to the woods by our local lake years ago...we were both pleasantly baked at the time and sought out the least mosquito infested area possible. At some point while defecating she suddenly said, "You dont have to stand guard. Its not like a velociraptor is gonna bite me on the ass." I then referenced the squirting lizard from Jurassic Park and suggested those guys might have distant ancestors. She got hella machine gun laugh farts and we were much closer for the remainder of the camping experience because of that vulnerable moment. Miss that girl.
 
ChingOwn

ChingOwn

Well-Known Member
forest service version: Sit on a Y shaped log with ass comfortably positioned in the y area or just a large log with your ass hanging over the side.

military version : dig hole, drop pants to ankles, crab walk till ass is over hole, let fly, roll to left stand and wipe.

yuppie version: get a five gallon bucket and a toilet seat estimate twenty dollar total purchase, cut the bottom out the bucket, place the toilet seat on top of bucket and bam extreme porta potty.
 
The Outdoorsman

The Outdoorsman

Well-Known Member
Here's what you do. Find a live tree you can comfortably grab that won't break. Get in the stance, and use the stability of the tree to add a bit leverage while remaining stable. I prefer smaller trees so you can one hand hold it if/ when need be.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top