jokes

There's this new Chinese guy in the country looking for work. So his friend tells him, "There's a factory just outside the city that's always hiring, why don't you ask there?"

So the next day the Chinese guy goes over to the factory and asks the manager for a job.

"hmmm... how good is your english?" the manager asks.

"no, no speak good english."

"well, allright. We need a new guy in supplies. I'll show you where you're working and just show up tomorrow at 7, okay?"

"okay, okay," replies the Chinese guy.

The next morning, the manager shows up for work and the new Chinese guy isn't there. He asks around, but nobody saw him come in and he hasn't been seen doing his job. Disappointed, the manager goes home at the end of the day, hoping maybe the new guy'll show up tomorrow.

The next day, the manager shows up and it's the same thing. No one's seen the new guy at all. Upset, he goes home thinking to himself, "I'll give him one more day, and if he doesn't show up, I'm finding someone else."

So the next day he goes into work and the Chinese guy still hasn't shown up for work. Furious, he goes into the store room himself to restock the department. "God damnit," he says, "that's the last time i ever hire anyone who can't speak English." As the manager is walking down the isle, the Chinese guy suddenly leaps out and yells, "SUPPLIES!!!!!"

A leper goes into a nearby tavern after his doctor informs him that he has only a few weeks left to live. He explains his situation to the barkeep and asks for his compassion and says "I know I look pretty disgusting and all, but do you think I could sit down there at the end of the bar, next to that old bum? It's dark down there and the other patrons wouldn't be able to see me very well." The barkeep agrees and gives him the first drink on the house. After some time, the barkeep returns to the end of the bar to check up on his two unfortunates. The leper asks for one more beer before leaving. As the barkeep sets the beer down, he pukes all over the bar. The leper says "I didn't think you'd be able to stomach the sight of me much longer...sorry to have troubled you." The barkeep states "no, it's not the sight of you that got to me...that bum next to you was dipping his chips in your arm."

Chiceh said:

A leper goes into a nearby tavern after his doctor informs him that he has only a few weeks left to live. He explains his situation to the barkeep and asks for his compassion and says "I know I look pretty disgusting and all, but do you think I could sit down there at the end of the bar, next to that old bum? It's dark down there and the other patrons wouldn't be able to see me very well." The barkeep agrees and gives him the first drink on the house. After some time, the barkeep returns to the end of the bar to check up on his two unfortunates. The leper asks for one more beer before leaving. As the barkeep sets the beer down, he pukes all over the bar. The leper says "I didn't think you'd be able to stomach the sight of me much longer...sorry to have troubled you." The barkeep states "no, it's not the sight of you that got to me...that bum next to you was dipping his chips in your arm."

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thats sick as fuck. i was eating....

Did you laugh though? I did cause it was so sick.

Chiceh said:

Did you laugh though? I did cause it was so sick.

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yeah im gonna remember that one. it was nasty but that made it funny to.

Mrs. Crabtree ask's the class to make up a sentence with the word stupid,
Darla stands up and say's "Teacher... Buckwheat is stupid." she say's "Darla thats not nice...but it's right.

next use the word dumb Darla stands up "teacher...Buckwheat is dumb."Again she scolds Darla, And say's now use the word dictate...Finally BUckwheat jumps up and say's..."Teacher, Darla tay I dumb...Darla tay I stupid...but Darla tay my Dictate good.

ROFL wow my ribs hurt but damn those jokes were hilarious. or maybe i'm stoned. Peace

why wont baptists fuck standing up?

they dont want people to think theyre dancing

a woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy her husband a birthday gift, But everything she see's is so expensive, She asks the clerk if there are any specials because she's on a budget...He say's I got these giant bullfrogs that give blowjobs but they are illegal in the states... i'll let you have one for ten bucks... she said it's a deal.
So on the way home she thinks what a great gag gift. And what if the frog really did do the dead... she wouldn't have to ever do it again So... She gives her hubby his gift, and he's skeptical at the news that it has this special gift, and he laughs it off, But...Later that night there was such a clatter comming from the kitchen the woman jumped from her bed and ran into investigate. There she found her husband and the frog reading cook books...WHAT THE HELL!!! She screamed. And her husband said if this frog can learn how to cook...your ass is gone!!!

This woman walks into a pet store looking for a anniversary gift and notices a Parrot on sale for 25 bucks what a steal she thinks to herself so she buy's it while checking out the clerk tells her the bird spent the last 10 years in a cat house and that he might say some pretty raunchy things...But she buy's him anyway. Once at home the bird looks around and starts to sqawk New house...New Madame...echt.The woman thinks it's funny. Later her daughters come home and the parrot looks around and say's New house...New Madame...New whores...echt. Then just about suppertime the womans husband Frank comes home. When Frank walks in the parrot cocks his head looks around and say's Hi Frank!...echt.

PufferJoe said:

a woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy her husband a birthday gift, But everything she see's is so expensive, She asks the clerk if there are any specials because she's on a budget...He say's I got these giant bullfrogs that give blowjobs but they are illegal in the states... i'll let you have one for ten bucks... she said it's a deal.
So on the way home she thinks what a great gag gift. And what if the frog really did do the dead... she wouldn't have to ever do it again So... She gives her hubby his gift, and he's skeptical at the news that it has this special gift, and he laughs it off, But...Later that night there was such a clatter comming from the kitchen the woman jumped from her bed and ran into investigate. There she found her husband and the frog reading cook books...WHAT THE HELL!!! She screamed. And her husband said if this frog can learn how to cook...your ass is gone!!!

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omg that was fuckin hilarious!

PufferJoe said:

This woman walks into a pet store looking for a anniversary gift and notices a Parrot on sale for 25 bucks what a steal she thinks to herself so she buy's it while checking out the clerk tells her the bird spent the last 10 years in a cat house and that he might say some pretty raunchy things...But she buy's him anyway. Once at home the bird looks around and starts to sqawk New house...New Madame...echt.The woman thinks it's funny. Later her daughters come home and the parrot looks around and say's New house...New Madame...New whores...echt. Then just about suppertime the womans husband Frank comes home. When Frank walks in the parrot cocks his head looks around and say's Hi Frank!...echt.

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and thats fucked up lol

Question: How many cops does it take to throw a prisoner down the stairs?
Answer: Are you kidding?!? He tripped.

PufferJoe said:

Question: How many cops does it take to throw a prisoner down the stairs?
Answer: Are you kidding?!? He tripped.

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damn

Rubbing for A Wish

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"