Lets Hear Some JOKES!

Brick Top

Brick Top

New Member
Three white guys were driving through a bad part of a city when their car broke down. They got out and were going to walk to the nearest repair shop that one of them knew was about a mile or so up the road. About half way there a group of gang members stopped them and said they were going to rob and kill them. The guys said, take everything we have, but just don't hurt or kill us.

One gang member said, if you can show us 10 inches of dick between the three of you we'll just rob you and let you go. Scared for his life and a bit on the cold side one of them pulled out his dick and it dangled there, but it came to five inches. The second guy did the same and his came to four inches, meaning they only needed one more inch. The third guy pulled his out and it was exactly one inch, so the gang members took their wallets, watches and rings and let them go.

About a half block away the first guy to have whipped it out said, I have never been so happy to have a big enough dick that it is five inches, soft. The second guy said, me to, thank God for my four inches. The third guy said, I'm just thankful I had a bone at the time.
 
Brick Top

Brick Top

New Member
A bear and a rabbit were in the woods next to each other while they each took a shit. The bear looked over at the rabbit and asked, do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur? The rabbit said, no .... so the bear grabbed the rabbit and wiped his ass with it.
 
sully

sully

Well-Known Member
well this one was funnier on Valentines day but anyway...whats 6 inches long and wont be getting sucked tonight?......Whitney Houstons crackpipe.
 
sully

sully

Well-Known Member
One more....and Im polish so dont u pollacks get all mad, and if u dont know just fyi there are a lot of poles named stanley....what do you call a bunch of pollacks with turbans on their head?....Packistanleys ;-)
 
C

Carljay

Member
This guy read wants to have sex with a Chinese girl, so he goes to china and has sex with a girl and she keeps yelling bung bung, so he goes harder and harder , then she yells bung bung even louder , as he finishes she kept yelling bung bung , so obviously bung bung means yes or good in Chinese. Later that night when shooting pool at the bar he sinks 8 ball and says bung bung, then the other player says " what do u mean it's not in the hole!!!
 
awnold420

awnold420

Member
this is my favorite scenario...

Guy: hey sexy is that your jeep out there with the headlights on?

Girl: No I drive a blue Pontiac G6

Guy: Ohh alright... Thanks (walks away with creepy smile)
 
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imchucky666

Well-Known Member
A Priest, out for a stroll, comes across a young boy tossing
and catching a small bottle of liquid.


The Priest says, "what do you got there boy?"


The boy replies, "It's a bottle of acid.


Realizing how dangerous it would be if the bottle of acid broke,
the Priest pulls out a small bottle of holy water and says,
"son, this is a bottle of holy water, can I trade you
for the bottle of acid?"


The boy says "no."


The Priest says, "you know son, I put some of this
holy water on a womans stomach and she passed a baby".




The boy still tossing the bottle of acid looks at
the priest and says, "that's nothing, I put some of
this acid on a cat's ass and he passed a motorcycle".
 
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imchucky666

Well-Known Member
Theres a general store on a indian reservation, Big Cheif Wampomm goes in to get toilet paper. Big Cheif Wampomm tells the clerk he need toilet paper for whole tribe. The clerk asks what kind, we have Charmin, Angel soft and the no name kind. Confused the cheif ask why no name toilet paper. The clerk explains the no name toilet paper is cheaper because it has no name or specail wrapper.Big Cheif Wampomm like, Take enough for whole tribe. Well a couple weeks go by before the cheif shows up at the store.Big Cheif Wampomm have name for your no name toilet paper! The clerk laughing asks, Oh yeah what kind of name did you come up with?
Big Cheif Wampomm and whole tribe call your no name toilet paper,
JOHN WAYNE toilet paper. The clerk asks why on earth would you name it John wayne? Big Cheif Wampomm says "Its rough, Its tough and IT DON'T TAKE NO SHIT OFF NO INDIAN!!!!!!!!
 
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imchucky666

Well-Known Member
Farmer Brown goes to market and buys several hogs to breed for things like ham and bacon to feed him and his wife.
After a few weeks, it becomes apparent the female pigs are not getting pregnant, so he calls the local vet for help.


"Perhaps you should try artificial insemination," the vet advises.


Farmer Brown doesn't have the vaguest idea what "artificial insemination" is, but,
not wanting to display his ignorance, he asks, "How will we know when they're pregnant?"


"Well, for one thing, they'll stop standing around and will, instead, begin to wallow in the mud."


"Thanks, Doc. Appreciate your time." The farmer hangs up and gives this some thought.
"Hmmm…artificial insemination. He must mean I'm supposed to impregnate the pigs myself."


So, he loads the pigs into his truck, drives deep into the woods, does each one in turn,
brings them back, and goes to bed. Next morning, he awakens and looks out at the pigs.
Seeing they are all still just standing around, he concludes the first try didn't take.
Again he loads them back into the pickup, drives to the woods, does each pig twice for good measure,
brings them back, and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the pigs still just milling around.


One more try, he tells himself, and that's it! Into the pickup, and off to the woods again.
He spends all day shagging the pigs, and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he is too spent to raise himself from the bed. He asks his wife to look out
and tell him if the pigs are just standing around.


"Nope." she says.


"Finally!" Farmer Brown says with an exhausted sigh.


His wife adds, "They're all in the truck and one of 'em is honkin' the horn."
 
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