Life Transition

Over the last year, my ways have changed 180 degrees. This time last year I was 90 days out of prison, and had nothing. I got busted and took a couple drug charges and a DUI to get there in the first place... I started growing pot when I lived in far Northern California about 12 years ago outdoors with a couple HS buddies and it took off from there. It went from there for 3 seasons to a large city area further south almost in Central CA. I then took what I knew and moved my operations indoors. It took me a few months to get established, but when I did, boy oh boy. I'd realized my true green thumb potential and had the resources to continue getting larger as far as I could see.This continued for 4 years, respectively. The thing is, the black market for drugs doesn't only involve weed, obviously. Where there is pot there is coke and there is meth and there is everything else too. Where there are these other drugs, there is also more money. More money that my entrepreneurial spirit could capiltize on. I had almost all but abandoned my marijuana farming roots of the trade and took on much more lucrative opportunities. This was the worst year of my life. Not only was I strung out and ignored everything important to me, I was involved with cocaine trade so deep that even I couldn't believe where I'd gotten myself. I didn't know it was the worst year of my life until it was over. Money was everywhere, and I had all that I wanted and needed. Until I got pulled over in an area that was normally far from hot, right around the corner from my house. I was, of course, pretty loaded. On just about whatever I had on me. The cop found all of it, too. I guess he'd been following me for almost a mile and then decided to pull me over. After that night, since I'd successfully managed to blow off all of the honest people in my life, I spent the next 3 1/2 years figuring out how I was going to get those people back. So here I am. I managed to pull myself out and bring alot of my life back. It's been a wild ride the last year or so; trying to do things the honest way. There's still so fucking much to recover, from just over a year of blowing everything off too. I should have stuck with growing dope.It is my passion, after-all. I should have stuck with my family and friends.

hang in there bro...time has a way of healing all wounds. i had a similar situation back in '06...new job, more money than ive ever made 4 fold, and a previous coke habit that was never dealt with. was working offshore 28on/24off...long story short...ran through 40k in less than 4mo., lost(or sold) everything i owned and disappeared for 2 yrs, and generally did alot of things that im not too proud of. for the most part i managed to not catch a case but i did finally hit rock bottom. got myself enrolled in state funded rehab...i didnt make it thru but learned what i needed. thanks to my family's support i was able to kick it(did relapse a couple times) and i dont really know where id be today without em. dont get me wrong tho, i still had to earn their trust thru my actions and im glad they didnt make it easy for me. as for weed, well, theyd much rather have me smoking that over the other. you sounds like youve got a pretty good handle on things...always remember to take it one day at a time...and live right and all will be good. peace

KillerRedd said:

hang in there bro...time has a way of healing all wounds. i had a similar situation back in '06...new job, more money than ive ever made 4 fold, and a previous coke habit that was never dealt with. was working offshore 28on/24off...long story short...ran through 40k in less than 4mo., lost(or sold) everything i owned and disappeared for 2 yrs, and generally did alot of things that im not too proud of. for the most part i managed to not catch a case but i did finally hit rock bottom. got myself enrolled in state funded rehab...i didnt make it thru but learned what i needed. thanks to my family's support i was able to kick it(did relapse a couple times) and i dont really know where id be today without em. dont get me wrong tho, i still had to earn their trust thru my actions and im glad they didnt make it easy for me. as for weed, well, theyd much rather have me smoking that over the other. you sounds like youve got a pretty good handle on things...always remember to take it one day at a time...and live right and all will be good. peace

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Thank you for this man. I wasn't expecting much of a response from anyone. It's still a little irritating to me when I do all that I can to prove folks wrong about my lifestyle and still no trust. I'm working on it, and you are right "take it one day at a time." If I never took that phrase to heart, I'm not sure I could hang.

You gotta really be working to show them you have changed, start going to Cocaine Anonymous meetings and get a support group for this.
You lied about your lifestyle before and what was really going on in your life to your family its gonna take real work to get that trust back, and you actually have to change.

Thank you Corben. I've been going to meetings since mid May 2009. AA and NA, and another support group that's local. It's not using or being a part of that drug culture, as I haven't used since before I was locked up, it's that there is still much time before people are able to forgive me for bailing. I'm just as tedious and tenacious with life as I was before, if not more so, and I have a feeling some people are just worried it might change for the worst as suddenly as it did before. Having just been brought back into certain circles, family and friends alike, it would only be normal for them to be hesitant of making a judgment after not having me in their lives for 4 years. Ya know?

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