Carne Seca
Well-Known Member
No he's not stupid. He just knows which buttons to push. They've had a long happy marriage filled with one-uppers and practical jokes. It can get elaborate and sometimes really messy. One time she went to Albuquerque while my brother was on a job. She knew he would be drinking so she got her revenge beforehand. He got home and started to undress as he headed down the hallway to their bedroom. Drunk off his ass. By the time he hit the bedroom door he was in his underwear and socks. He flipped the lightswitch. Nothing. He tried it again. Still nothing. He decided the bulb was burned out and headed across the room to the storage closet. And he started to slide. He tried to stop but the floor was too slick. He said his life flashed before his eyes as his legs slid slowly apart. He ended up doing leg splits that a sado-masochistic cheerleader would envy. He cried. After much pain and wriggling he crawled over to the bed. The floor was covered in plastic with cooking oil spread all over it. (my sister-in-law took a mop and covered the plastic with vegetable oil right before she left the house). He plopped down on the bed and nearly killed himself trying to get out of it again. He said it felt like he dropped all of his weight on a bed of nails. She took a bag of walnuts and broke them up with a hammer. She then sprinkled them all over the bedcovers. He started carefully crawling to the storage closet. He was still in the dark and had no idea what else she had in store for him. he finally reached the storage closet and slowly regained his feet. He reached for the doorknob and....
My brother has a phobia about Kachina dolls. People learned quickly that trying to scare him with one was a bad idea. His natural fear response is to kill it with his fists. We've repaired many a hole in the wall from this response.
She had one attached to a string on the inside of the storage door. So when he opened it, the kachina would swing and hit him in the face. A wooden sculpture doll. Hard wood. Kachina. He opened the door. The Kachina came at him. He swung like a prize fighter (We know this because there was a fist sized hole in the closet door) His momentum caused him to slip in the oil and fall once again. This time the coffee table broke his fall.....and his nose. He woke up the next morning covered in blood, oil, and walnut shells. The hospital said that, except for the nose, he didn't have any major damage. They gave him advice on how to treat his pulled groin. He wore one of those nose guard thingies for weeks. The stitches on the back of his head hardly left a scar. The black eye lasted for awhile. Which was a source of great amusement among the rest of the clan. He quit coming home drunk.
I love that woman.
