Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

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^ I would love to have one of those nanogram tests done on me.. dont know too many folks who use up what I can in a day
 
Watch out for this one!

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at shopping centres and in dark car parks etc.

This is the first warning I have seen for men.. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.

A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular customers at Bunnings, Mitre 10, or even K-Mart. This one caught me totally by
surprise!

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’'t happen to you or your friends. Here’s how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, university-aged girls will come over to your car or ute as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look).
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing.
Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also December 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.


Also, K-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for 99c at the two dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’'ve already lost 4Kg just running back and forth from Bunnings, to Mitre 10, to K-Mart etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)


 
When you are over 60 who gives a shit?​
(So OK I’ve made a few changes here and there. Guess what? I’m over 60 too!!!)​
​
This arsehole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Tooheys, VB or XXXX?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath, taste it and find out."

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

***********​
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and
got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that darling, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

***********​
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really?" she said, "Go on then, give it a try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on then, what day was I born?”

I said, "Yesterday!!!"

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

***********​
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

***********​
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so, lovey?"

I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?​


​
**********​
 
[TABLE="class: ecxMsoNormalTable, width: 99, align: left"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 99%"]Two Ladies talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi, Wanda!

2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.
Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.


PRICELESS
[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
 
[video=youtube;6a8Eimr-fm0]https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=6a8Eimr-fm0[/video]
Can i have one for Xmas ?
 
lol, like.​ Damn no like button.


clint308 said:
[TABLE="class: ecxMsoNormalTable, width: 99, align: left"]
[TR]
[TD="width: 99%"]Two Ladies talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi, Wanda!

2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement.
Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.


PRICELESS[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]
Click to expand...
 
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