Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

Kodank Moment

Well-Known Member
Original ad:
**** Disguisable weapons wanted ****
Wanted: hidden blades, belt buckle knives, cane swords, etc.....
Offering: cash, items for barter
From Me to **********@***********.org:

Hey,

I saw your ad looking for concealable/disguised weapons. I have several fine-crafted items you may be interested in. Respond if you are interested and I will send you pictures and prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

I am. lets see what you got.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Here you go:



Looks like a normal spoon, right?



Wrong. It is actually a deadly 2.5" half-smooth, half-serrated knife with tactical grip. One minute you are enjoying a bowl of cereal, and the next you are fighting off attackers with this deadly and disguised weapon.

I am asking $50 for the blade. Let me know if you want to stop by and take a look at it.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

that is stupid as hell and looks like crap. unless you have anything better to offer, dont waste my time.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

I am sorry you feel that way about the spoon blade. I do have some other weapons that I think you will feel differently about.

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

fine. but if it is another knife duct taped to a spoon then you can fuck off.

From Me to Jeff ******:

Jeff,

Thank you for re-considering. Here are three quality disguised weapons that I think you will love:



At first glance, this looks like a normal party cup. However, if you look close enough, you will see that it is really a fully automatic Glock 18C. You will be able to pour your enemies a nice warm cup of lead with this fine purchase. Asking $900 for the gun/cup combo.



Still thirsty for justice? Try this badass M16A2 disguised as a 24-pack of soda. The box has two finely crafted holes on each side to allow for any kind of optics (not included) that you wish to attach. This weapon is only for sale if you have a Class III permit.




This cleverly disguised weapon may look like a tissue box, but is actually a Benelli M3 12 gauge shotgun disguised as a tissue box. The ultra-soft quilted tissues serve as a comfortable grip on the pump-action shotgun. Also, if you find yourself sneezing during the heat of combat, you will have a handy tissue box ready for action. Asking $1500 for the weapon. Additional tissue boxes are an extra $5 per box.

Let me know if you want any of these items.

Thanks,

Mike

From Jeff ****** to Me:

youre a fucking dumbass, shitbrained, asswipe, retarded dipshit. you prob walk around with that shit too you dumb mother fucker. I hope you get hit by a car. fuck off, eat shit, and die
 

Kodank Moment

Well-Known Member
From Me to ***********@*************.org:

Hey,

Do you still need rolls of carpet? I have a deal worked out with a carpet wholesaler and can get you as many carpets as you need.

Thanks,

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

yeah I just need one how much do you want for it

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

I am asking $50 for the roll of carpet. It sounds like you also need some cleaning supplies. Luckily, I also sell gloves, mops, buckets, spray bottles, garbage bags, as well as disinfectants, odor removal chemicals, and enzyme solvents, in case you are interested in any of that.

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

what? I dont need any of that just the rug

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

Are you sure? It sounds like you need this rug to take care of a "problem", and you might want the cleaning supplies to clean up the rest of that problem.

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

my only problem is that i need this carpet and you are trying to sell me cleaning stuff

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

Look, you don't have to fool me. There is only one reason to urgently need a rug. It is pretty clear that you killed someone and need to get rid of them.

I've been there, man...whether it is a friend who overdosed on drugs, or a dead hooker, it is important that you clean everything up. You can't just roll them up in a carpet and forget about them. Don't worry, I can help you.

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

i didnt kill a hooker what the hell is wrong with you? i need the carpet for my apartment to replace my old stained carpet so i dont get screwed on my security deposit which is why i need it fast

From Me to *********@comcast.net:

Hey man, I'm not one to judge you. I understand that accidents happen. Maybe she didn't tell you when to stop choking her, or maybe you didn't realize that roofie you slipped in her Cosmo was actually cyanide. Either way, a dead hooker isn't the end of the world. Hookers die all the time; it comes with their line of work. The important thing is to stay calm and make sure that you clean everything up.

You have a good cover story with the security deposit. You are smart to get rid of the old blood-stained carpet, but you still will need my cleaning supplies. A small blood stain on the top of the rug is usually a much larger stain underneath the rug, and you can't simply put a new rug on top of it. With my dead hooker cleanup package, it comes with everything you need to clean up the "accident" and make it look like it never happened. The entire package, including the rug, will only cost you $100.

You should act soon before it is too late!

Mike

From *********@comcast.net to Me:

is everyone on craigslist this crazy or is it just you? all i want is the carpet and you are being a huge pain in my ass. ill find one from someone who isnt a goddamn psycho
 

estesj

Well-Known Member
I already posted both of those. If you want to jump on my band wagon I'll let you hop in the drivers seat.
 

Kodank Moment

Well-Known Member
Original ad:
Looking for someone with chicken pox or shingles to expose to my two children. If you are still contagious and want to help, email or call ***-***-*****.
From Me to ************@***********.org

Hello,

I saw your ad and realized I could help. I have shingles right now, and the doctors tell me that it is still in the contagious stage. I live in South Bend. I would be able to visit your kids, or if you want to bring them to me, that works too. I took some sick days off from my job, so I am pretty much free any time.

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

Mike thank you so much! I want my kids to be exposed before they have to go back to school so I would like to do this ASAP. How does tomorrow sound?

From Me to Jenn ********:

Jenn,

Tomorrow works for me. How do we do this? Do I just sneeze and cough on your kids or something?

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

Hi Mike,

They should just be in your presence for a few minutes. Where in South Bend are you located? I can drive to you. Do you have a number you can be reached at?

From Me to Jenn ********:

Jenn,

I do have a phone, but I only have like 10 minutes left on my plan until September, and I need those minutes for ordering pizza. Lets just continue via e-mail. I live in LaSalle Park, are you familiar with it?

Also, it probably isn't a big deal, but I figured it is worth mentioning that I also have pulmonary tuberculosis right now. I hope this won't be a problem. It is probably better for your kids to get that out of the way too - it can be a real pain when you are older.

What time do you want to meet tomorrow?

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

I don't want my kids to have TB. Thank you for trying to help but I am going to find someone else.

From Me to Jenn ********:

Jenn,

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you away with that. Pulmonary TB isn't that bad, and it is best if your kids get it over with when they are younger. You may as well knock it out at the same time as the chicken pox.

If you want, I can throw in malaria for an extra $50. My friend Tom just got back from Africa and I can have him come over and give it to your kids as well. He got all sorts of whacky diseases when he was in Africa. You might want your kids to get them too, just so they won't get them later if they ever visit Africa.

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

Mike are you aware that TB and malaria don't work that way? People can't just "get it over with" those are very serious diseases.

From Me to Jenn ********:

Jenn,

I think I know how TB works, I have it (duh).

I just assumed you were one of those mothers who wanted to have sick children to attract pity and attention from others. Malaria is a great way to get pity from other moms! You'll be the most talked about mother in your neighborhood. You could brag about it to all the other mothers when they are going on about their sick kids - "*sigh* life is so hard with my husband at work, and my poor son has the flu."
"Oh yeah? Well my two kids have fucking malaria. Suck it."

You'll be the envy of your whole clique of mothers.

Please reconsider my offer.

Mike

From Jenn ******** to Me:

How rude. I want my kids to get chicken pox while they are young for the medical benefits, not for attention.

You have problems, Mike. Seek professional help immediately.
 

estesj

Well-Known Member
E-mail Archive
Garage Sale Competition
Posted: 2010-04-16 12:39:42
Attention-Grabbing Ad
Posted: 2010-03-23 14:52:00
Lenny's Acid Trip
Posted: 2010-03-09 10:46:33
Suspicious Carpet Buyer
Posted: 2010-02-27 00:13:38
Disguised Weapons
Posted: 2010-02-09 06:06:07
A Little Help
Posted: 2010-02-04 18:53:23
Tree Removal Barter
Posted: 2010-01-22 02:20:47
Unreliable Pet Sitter
Posted: 2010-01-08 12:17:03
Xbox Repairman
Posted: 2010-01-08 12:16:03
Wood Chipper Rental
Posted: 2009-12-23 11:41:39
Vegan Housemate
Posted: 2009-12-16 13:51:38
Christmas Dinner
Posted: 2009-12-06 12:21:18
Barely Legal Little League
Posted: 2009-11-25 02:31:59
Racist Microwave Buyer
Posted: 2009-11-16 13:02:45
Minesweeper
Posted: 2009-11-04 10:31:31
Caught Cheating
Posted: 2009-10-27 10:47:33
Surrogate Father
Posted: 2009-10-20 12:39:28
Be A Man
Posted: 2009-10-15 11:26:06
Helpful Mechanic
Posted: 2009-10-07 11:21:36
Clydesdale Needs A Home
Posted: 2009-10-01 13:41:23
Free Couch
Posted: 2009-09-25 14:37:58
Free Diseases
Posted: 2009-09-18 09:18:27
Deer Hunter
Posted: 2009-09-08 09:05:23
Kons For Kids
Posted: 2009-09-01 12:47:05
Extra Luggage
Posted: 2009-08-24 12:40:22
Hagglers
Posted: 2009-08-16 19:00:05
Operation: Soccer Escort
Posted: 2009-08-07 09:03:54
Insulting Parrot
Posted: 2009-08-03 10:49:00
"Special" Wife
Posted: 2009-07-24 00:36:34
The Plumber That Can't
Posted: 2009-07-21 09:40:44
Horse Farm
Posted: 2009-07-14 15:12:55
Hard to Reach
Posted: 2009-07-10 09:44:41
High-rise Fridge Delivery
Posted: 2009-07-06 09:51:49
Dream Vacation
Posted: 2009-07-06 09:51:47
Tyrone's Dog Babysitting Service
Posted: 2009-07-02 10:41:53
Apologetic Nationals Fan
Posted: 2009-06-30 10:20:10
Brokeback Beach
Posted: 2009-06-30 09:51:16
Basic Weapons For Kids
Posted: 2009-06-27 18:00:50
Escalade Bodyguard
Posted: 2009-06-24 08:14:22
Hybrids Suck
Posted: 2009-06-23 09:18:12
Welcome to Hellweek
Posted: 2009-06-21 13:39:57
Gullible Handyman
Posted: 2009-06-21 13:37:13
How did she know?!
Posted: 2009-06-21 13:36:08
Handicapped Movers
Posted: 2009-06-18 10:09:18
Father & Son
Posted: 2009-06-16 12:15:57
Fat Bitch Won't Ride the Bus
Posted: 2009-06-15 17:08:40
Pube Stylists
Posted: 2009-06-15 00:11:52
Barter My Whore Wife
Posted: 2009-06-12 01:49:36
Cemented Couch
Posted: 2009-06-12 01:49:33
Ride to Bonnaroo
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:59:24
Expired Phish Ticket
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:57:27
Hummer Rideshare
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:55:11
Camry Killer
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:52:47
Broken Umbrella
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:51:19
Shitty Roommate #2
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:48:39
Shitty Roommate #1
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:46:46
Missed Connections
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:44:53
Broken TV
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:43:29
Buy My Wife's Car
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:40:34
Stupid Dog Sweater Lady
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:38:14
Part Out Your Honda
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:36:00
Semi-gloss Enamel Kitten
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:34:44
Phish Ticket Trade
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:34:43
European Scooter
Posted: 2009-06-09 18:32:28
Kittens for my Tiger
Posted: 2009-06-09 02:00:01
Comatose Grandma Sitter
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:58:37
Air Hockey Sex Table
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:56:51
Ride in the D.A.R.E. Mobile
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:54:41
420 Friendly
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:51:29
Turtle Sandbox
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:46:23
Vintage Liquor
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:43:45
Jewish Sperm Donor
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:39:56
Female Movers
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:31:44
Taco Bell Hauling Service
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:08:25
Ancient African Weapon
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:08:23
Bug-themed Party
Posted: 2009-06-09 01:08:22
Eagles/Giants
Posted: 2009-06-09 00:51:31
Nebraska Moving Service
Posted: 2009-06-09 00:51:29
The Shaniqua Chronicles pt. 3
Posted: 2009-06-08 00:52:03
The Shaniqua Chronicles pt. 2
Posted: 2009-06-08 00:52:01
The Shaniqua Chronicles pt. 1
Posted: 2009-06-These are all on this site if y'all want to look for yourself.E-mails from an Asshole
 

Kodank Moment

Well-Known Member
Then by all means continue. I don't see why you're letting me stop you? Lol...it's the Internet dude. Stop taking shit so seriously.
 

estesj

Well-Known Member
My bad...didn't get a chance to read all 605 FUCKING PAGES! Chill dude. I don't sit on this site all day. I go outside. Like a lot of people on here do. I doubt they go back and read days they missed. Now someone that didn't see it has a chance to laugh. So how bout you take your bangwagon and shove it up your ass eh? Thanks.
There is no need to be disrespectful buddy.
 

DST

Well-Known Member
I read the posts way back in this thread I think, (or maybe on an email when pretending to work, haha) thought they were funny then, they sure did make me laugh now. Cheers to both of you RIU bru's.

Peace, DST
 

lokie

Well-Known Member
I liked the email lol's better before Kod pieced them up.

oh well i guess there must be a
at every party.
 

sunni

Administrator
Staff member
stop arguing and post more funyn stuff loved the email ones who cares if they were posted twice i still think the entire website is hilarious showed it to my mom and my aunt!
 

estesj

Well-Known Member
I already posted links to all of them on the other page, and I am not arguing. Here is the website to look at all the emails for yourself. dontevenreply.com. Enjoy!
 

westhamm1132

Active Member
ahhhh man that shit is nasty, she had her photo up next to her comment too...hahah

lol yh theres loads of them i wanna poast but dunno how people who ask questions on yahoo are retards if you go on yahoo answers now theres bound to be at least 1 retard question per page lmao
 

Dropastone

Well-Known Member
Part 1



Part 2



Part 3



Part 4



Part 5



Part 6

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration




Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something
that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man has only 2 balls and they take up all his thinking, time and energy.
 
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