Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

ganja girl

New Member
"You May Be A Taliban If..."


1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.


2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.


3. You have more wives than teeth.


4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."


5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.


6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.


7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.


8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.


9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.


10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.


11. Your cousin is president of the United States.

Jeff Foxworthy
 

ganja girl

New Member
A little known fact ...

The first testicular guard, the "Cup", was used in Hockey in 1874.

The first helmet was used in 1974.

That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain may also be important.



Ladies ... Quit Laughing.
 

fdd2blk

Well-Known Member
it drags on, but it ends with a good laugh. :)


[video=youtube;N7zTUnuiuL4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7zTUnuiuL4&videos=A7ITCliHS2M[/video]
 

ganja girl

New Member

Great Orators

"One man with courage makes a majority." - Andrew Jackson

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - Franklin D. Roosevelt

"The buck stops here." - Harry S. Truman

"Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country." - John F. Kennedy



And, from today's genius ' ...

"It depends what your definition of 'Sex' is?'' - Bill Clinton

"That Obama ... I would like to cut his NUTS off." - Jesse Jackson

"Those rumors are false ... I believe in the sanctity of marriage." - John Edwards

"I invented the Internet." - Al Gore

"The next Person that tells me I'm not religious, I'm going to shove my rosary beads up their ASS." - Joe Biden

"America is ... is no longer, uh, what it ... it, uh, could be, uh, what it was once was ... uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children." - Barack Obama

"I have campaigned in all 57 states." - Barack Obama (Quoted 2008)

"You don't need God anymore, you have us Democrats." - Nancy Pelosi (Quoted 2006)

"Paying taxes is voluntary." - Sen. Harry Reid

"Bill is the greatest husband and father I know. No one is more faithful, true, and honest than he." - Hillary Clinton (Quoted 1998)

And the most recent gem of wisdom from the "Mother Moron":

"We just have to pass the Healthcare Bill to see what's in it." - Nancy Pelosi (Quoted March, 2010)


''Life's tough ... it's even tougher if you're stupid.''
- John Wayne
 

ganja girl

New Member
Barack Obama dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates. He is very excited - all his life he's had a secret wish to meet the Prophet Mohammed.


Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack meets a man with a beard. "Are you Mohammed?" he asks. "No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.


Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?" "No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."


Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?" "No, I am Jesus... you will find Mohammed higher up."

"Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man!"


Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher. Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question, "Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.


"No, my son... I am Almighty God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a cup of coffee...?" "Yes! Please, my Lord". God looks behind him, claps his hands and yells out "Hey Mohammed - two coffees!"


Keep your trust in God - your government has failed you miserably
 

ganja girl

New Member
Socks are only for bowling.

You never use an umbrella because the rain will be over in five minutes.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

Your winter coat is made of denim.

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.


You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

You dread love bug season.

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley , Frances , Ivan, Jeanne, Wilma, Irene, Rita, etc

You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.

You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

'Down South' means Key West

Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

You know the four seasons really are: Hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.

You've hosted a hurricane party.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Withlacoochee , Thonotosassa and Micanopy.

You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.


You recognize Miami-Dade as ' Northern Cuba '

You not only forward this but you understand it
 
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