Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
Man killed on golf course

A foursome of guys were at the men`s tee while a foursome of women were hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time.

When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it 10 feet. Then she goes over and whiffs it completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically, "I guess all those " Fucking LESSONS" I took over the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it. You should have taken "golf lessons" instead!"
He never even had a chance to duck. He was 43.......
 

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
Church Ladies With typewriters
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts

for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
 

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
WHY WOMEN CAN'T SLEEP



Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works?
Well.....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:









Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision that needs to be made, a problem that needs to be solved.

A man has only 2 balls. They consume all his thoughts and he sleeps like a baby.




 

Attachments

StonedPony

Well-Known Member
SKINNY DIPPING

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'

Some old men can still think fast.
 

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
Auto Change file mechanism (Manual Shift)
transmission.gif
Rotary Motor
rotary.gif
Malta Cross movement
- second hand movement used to control the clock


malta.gif
Inline Engine
inline.gif

Auto Constant Velocity Universal Joint
universal joint.gif
Gun Ammunition loading system
ammuntion.gif
Sewing Machines
sewing machine.gif
Oval Regulation
oval regulation.gif
Aircraft Radial Engine
aircraft engine.gif
a1.jpg
 

Winter Woman

Well-Known Member
She is 92, he is 29 and they dance beautifully together

[video=youtube;FApBAZE2KuE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FApBAZE2KuE[/video]
 
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