Please save the kid that need some help

So this thread is a bit different from the others, its not about growing. It's about my relationship with marijuana. I love her, and need her, similar to an addict. But I don't think of it as a fix, I think of it as one of the few plants on Earth that is compatible with the thoughts and demons in my crazy head.

Without bud, I feel like I would go crazy. Its hard to explain but its a different closeness that most people have, for example even though my friends toke they do not rely on it like I do and can go days without smoking. Then they talk about how I'm always depressed and I need to find the root of my problems.

BUT it doesn't work like that. I've been depressed my whole life, and the cards I was dealt made me have parents that are both heavy drug addicts. I sure as hell didn't choose this fate, if I was given a semi-normal life I probably wouldn't need Mary. There are very few people like this that I know of.

A song by Cudi describes what I feel on a daily basis quite well.

[video=youtube;_z_IJpLqBkY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z_IJpLqBkY[/video]

One part in the song:

Please save a kid that needs some help, and
I can't begin to think of anything that could help
But the weed is guaranteed, indeed, just what I need

That's exactly how I feel. Coincidentally Kid Cudi also had childhood trauma when his father died, and he was always pretty much alone, even at birth. Hell we're even both Aquarius which just makes me feel like I'm from another planet, depressed a lot, and think about the universe and kind of "feel" that there is something bigger than us. I always want to merge into that bigger, into that oneness, and I'm not scared of death. I'm ready.

Just thought I would vent about this, and if someone else can relate then hey!

Thanks for sharing, I hope you eventually find the help you need.

Hey, OP! Welcome to RIU, my man. I've been smoking weed since age 13, and smoked it on an almost daily basis since my late 20s. I also had an abusive and childhood and we were very poor. My siblings and I are all scarred from it, and it manifests itself in different ways in all of us (sister's a functioning alcoholic and brother is a fucked up, hypocritical, emotionally crippled christian fundie). We have always joked that it's a wonder none of us ended up in jail. I've tried to find where the core of my emotional demons lie, and have quit weed for long stretches to test if things would get better for me. They didn't. I've never been a heavy drinker, I just don't enjoy being drunk. I went through a long bout with cocaine in my 20s, but just got tired of it and quit without any assistance. But I've always come back to weed. It's a big part of who I am, and has always provided the emotional centering that I need. I'm convinced that it makes me a better person, a better friend, and a more patient father. Without it I tend to get anxious and neurotic, and generally angry with a quick fuse. One friend said it best, I self-medicate with marijuana. There are millions of people who depend on prescription drugs (anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psychotics, anti-THEMs), alcohol, sugar, and religion to cope with their demons and their lives, so I feel very fortunate that I get to spend my life with this wonderful plant and that she does it for me. At this point my life revolves around it more than ever, as it's also my profession. I don't enjoy doing anything for a living, but growing, smoking and sharing this amazing plant is an enjoyable life. So yes, you may be 'dependent' on pot, but look at all the other worse things you could be dependent on. I think that you're fortunate that you found mary, and it sounds like she feels the same way about you

^^^I couldn't agree more...and nor would my doctor (and here in England that's a BIG thing)

Sounds like the OP knows what's good for him, and what's been bad for him. Together with this knowledge, his awareness, and the healing herb...well you're on the right road (imo)

I might add that you should try some sort of creative outlet...write a poem, paint a picture, whatever.
But then, I'll wager that you already do? lol

This one's for you


[video=youtube;vjWebKavfuI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjWebKavfuI[/video]

...'Cos it's true!...

Much love and respect to you. I've felt the same way too.

Dankbudder said:

So this thread is a bit different from the others, its not about growing. It's about my relationship with marijuana. I love her, and need her, similar to an addict. But I don't think of it as a fix, I think of it as one of the few plants on Earth that is compatible with the thoughts and demons in my crazy head.

Without bud, I feel like I would go crazy. Its hard to explain but its a different closeness that most people have, for example even though my friends toke they do not rely on it like I do and can go days without smoking. Then they talk about how I'm always depressed and I need to find the root of my problems.

BUT it doesn't work like that. I've been depressed my whole life, and the cards I was dealt made me have parents that are both heavy drug addicts. I sure as hell didn't choose this fate, if I was given a semi-normal life I probably wouldn't need Mary. There are very few people like this that I know of.

A song by Cudi describes what I feel on a daily basis quite well.

[video=youtube;_z_IJpLqBkY]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z_IJpLqBkY[/video]

One part in the song:

Please save a kid that needs some help, and
I can't begin to think of anything that could help
But the weed is guaranteed, indeed, just what I need

That's exactly how I feel. Coincidentally Kid Cudi also had childhood trauma when his father died, and he was always pretty much alone, even at birth. Hell we're even both Aquarius which just makes me feel like I'm from another planet, depressed a lot, and think about the universe and kind of "feel" that there is something bigger than us. I always want to merge into that bigger, into that oneness, and I'm not scared of death. I'm ready.

Just thought I would vent about this, and if someone else can relate then hey!

Click to expand...

Well, I'm going to have to politely disagree with the rest of the folks.

Weed is great, but it's not a crutch. Don't use bud to escape your problems, deal with your problems and use weed as a release after the fact.

You need to have your head squarely on your shoulders if you wanna get lifted all the time, to me, it doesn't sound like you're very grounded.

None of this is meant to be even the slightest bit condescending or aggressive, I wish you all the best luck in your situation just thought I would share how I feel about it. I've been through depression and bud didn't help me, other than giving me a place to escape to. It's kind of like being chased by a mob, you can barricade yourself in somewhere, but they're just on the other side of the door until you confront them and drive them away. I see depression as a similar beast.

I stopped smoking for 8 months while I got my head straight. Best decision I could have made. (Plus I got SUPER ripped when I started smoking again!)