So my wife is going to pack up tonight

My wife and I have been having problems for the past 3 months or so. Most of them sexual, neither of us are satisfied and I am the only one who wants to work on it. We had come to the verge of separating about 4 times and she never could actually do it and I hate seeing her cry. So late last night we go to bed and she is not "in the mood" (as usual) so I lay there for a little bit. My neck and back are killing me (fell off a roof a few years back) and I am out of bud so I figure WTF. Get up, go to my office and pulled up some "adult material", just about that time I hear someone breathing behind me. We sat and talked about it and neither of us is getting what we need (but I am the shmuck trying to figure out how to make it better). We both went back to bed (me with blue balls) and we talked a little more. My wife's mom is going out of town this weekend and her little brother and sister were going to stay with us (another long story but they are 18 and 14).

So this morning my wife decides that instead of the kids coming over here she is going to stay at her mom's house with them and then find a place to live after that. Another big problem here is that she is going to get the raw end of this deal. I make enough that if I was single I would be living the high life. Right now she does not work at all and goes to school full time, we live on my salary and have only had to dip into savings twice in about 5 months. That being said she drives a 06 model car, has a new iPhone, gets her hair done on a regular basis and I almost always break down and treat her to manicures and pedicures with extra cash I make. So even if she gets a part time gig there is no way she can afford rent, her car, her phone and food. She wants to move in with her mom (going through a divorce right now) but the second we got married her room got turned into a media room so there is literally not a bed for her. Apartment rent would eat all but about $5 of her income by itself so that is really out of the question.

I really do love the girl with all my heart and I would like to think she isn't going to screw me here (I am not going to say I KNOW she isn't because there are plenty of men out there who KNEW their wifes were faithful or honest who weren't.) So I am going to end up paying her car payment for her ($400 a month) till she gets out of school. On top of all this we borrowed a good chunk of cash (low 5 figures) for her to go to school. I know she will pay it back just because she really is a good person and has way more pride than that.

So to sum this sob story all up, we are both still very much in love but so incompatible its killing us both. We have tried counseling and my wife was very tight lipped and even more so when the guy brought up sex. At this point I do want to give the single life a try. I don't really want to date at this point but I do want to do what I want when I want and actually have some fucking cash.

it happens to the best of us Its one thing to love eachother but if you aren't in love, it makes things hard

How old are you and the wife?

Zekedogg said:

How old are you and the wife?

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Early 20s, sorry, just because of the nature of the board I try and keep it vague.

All I can say is every married couple (I think) goes through this. These issues can be overcome but it does take commitment from both parties. It sounds like you are willing to do the work. It sounds like your wife isn't. If she is willing to do the work then you guys have a great chance.

Lots of couples are "incompatible" but they learn to give and take and it's more than worth it in the end. However, there are times when one party simply unplugs and will not plug back in.

I always like for married couples to stay together if they actually love each other (providing there's no abuse).

Lots of couples do separate with an eye on reconciliation. For example she moves to her mom's but you're still married, but going to counseling, going on dates and starting over with each other. It helps give objectivity to both parties when they're not totally getting on each other's nerves all the time. Maybe she's willing to try that.

Hope things work out for you. You would be amazed at how good things can be after a couple works through the bad stuff.

Another thing, it sounds like your wife may benefit from counseling without you as well- maybe she could work through the sex stuff if you weren't sitting right next to her.

It was easy to see where this was headed. Maybe you two are better as friends. Maybe a separation will help you both see what's what. It sounds as though you're both "there" for each other in other ways, but not in all ways. Stay single for a while is my best advice on this one.

Well all I can say is that I am getting a gram tonight and I am really looking forward to sitting in the middle of the living room I OWN on the couch I OWN and firing up my bong without anyone bitching at me. I will miss her companionship but I am much more of a "lone wolf" type, she NEEDS to have someone.

At this point the sex is the biggest thing. She doesn't want it really at all and doesn't see any problems with that. When we do have sex I feel like I am with a hooker checking her watch every 30 seconds and ready for this asshole to get off her.

Honestly I love her so much but her moving out doesn't bother me at all.

it sounds like that she is tired of the materialistic things in life and is looking more for a emotional romantic person now,try showering here with love and not with glory,some women like the materialistic things and some do for a while and get tired of it.

try taking here out to a picnic at a romantic spot like at a beach and get a nice bottle of wine,and just be romantic with out spending money.

try it
if you love here dearly than she might see the change she wants

also not to sound like a dick but if she is in her early 20's and denies you of sex its because she isn't in to you anymore...>She may love you dearly, thats not what im saying but sexually you dont have it going on for her anymore.....I bet you she masterbates a lot without you even knowing...Dont let women fool you

Zekedogg said:

also not to sound like a dick but if she is in her early 20's and denies you of sex its because she isn't in to you anymore...>She may love you dearly, thats not what im saying but sexually you dont have it going on for her anymore.....I bet you she masterbates a lot without you even knowing...Dont let women fool you

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Either that or possibly she's never had an orgasm. It's not uncommon for younger women (say in their early 20s) to only have faked it because they think it's expected.

LOL.. I know every man here is thinking "oh hell no... I know if my woman is faking it"... trust me.... no you don't

I was sexually active for 2 years before I had my first orgasm... and it was by myself . Of course once I realized first hand what all the hoopla was about there was never ever a fake again.... and if the man doesn't know what the hell he's doing then he can go the hell home and I'll take care of things myself

No matter how much I love someone... it would never be more then friendship if we weren't sexually compatible.

Sounds to me like she was sexually abused.Thats not your fault, man.This is something she needs to work out on her own.And counseling isn't for everybody.To be fair to her, it could also be that you are lacking in sexual technique.Get yourself a copy of the sensuous man by "m"...its an oldie, but a goodie.And the next sexual partner you get, make sure you ask them how they like things done.Everyone is a little bit different, but some basic rules apply to all.....Keep your fingernails well manicured, don't put too much intial pressure on the clit, wait until the woman is more fully aroused,then try to apply more, don't pull the hood of the clitoris back until the woman has acheived full arousal either.....cease immediately if there is discomfort.The g spot can usually be found a couple of inches in(although its existence is disputed by some) and up, almost like you're trying to touch the clit from the inside. It's a spot that deviates a bit in texture from the surrounding area...a bit bumpier.Uhhhhh what else....oh...nipples are not radio knobs,always ask before you try to surprise someone with anal, some don't like it at all....use lube when playing with the clit,learn how to kiss without drowning the other person,pay attention to more than just boobs and box, and learn to control your ejaculation.If I think of more, I'll letcha know.

matthew, to be more serious on this forum than normal, you've posted in a couple of days: 1. that god wants you to kill someone 2. that you want to grow weed in your house without your wife knowing and 3. that your wife is moving out.

please reach out to the people in your life that you trust to help you through all of this.

Florida Girl said:

Either that or possibly she's never had an orgasm. It's not uncommon for younger women (say in their early 20s) to only have faked it because they think it's expected.

LOL.. I know every man here is thinking "oh hell no... I know if my woman is faking it"... trust me.... no you don't

I was sexually active for 2 years before I had my first orgasm... and it was by myself . Of course once I realized first hand what all the hoopla was about there was never ever a fake again.... and if the man doesn't know what the hell he's doing then he can go the hell home and I'll take care of things myself

No matter how much I love someone... it would never be more then friendship if we weren't sexually compatible.

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I am not going to say I know 100% for sure because that would be impossible but my wife is not the type to fake it. I mean she would just get pissed off at me.

You will be poor as hell when she is gone. ALIMONY.....You have to pay her to live some where else. If you have been supporting her since ya been married you will support her when she is gone. She gets half of your shit too. Even half the weed. LOL

Stoney McFried said:

Sounds to me like she was sexually abused.Thats not your fault, man.This is something she needs to work out on her own.And counseling isn't for everybody.To be fair to her, it could also be that you are lacking in sexual technique.Get yourself a copy of the sensuous man by "m"...its an oldie, but a goodie.And the next sexual partner you get, make sure you ask them how they like things done.Everyone is a little bit different, but some basic rules apply to all.....Keep your fingernails well manicured, don't put too much intial pressure on the clit, wait until the woman is more fully aroused,then try to apply more, don't pull the hood of the clitoris back until the woman has acheived full arousal either.....cease immediately if there is discomfort.The g spot can usually be found a couple of inches in(although its existence is disputed by some) and up, almost like you're trying to touch the clit from the inside. It's a spot that deviates a bit in texture from the surrounding area...a bit bumpier.Uhhhhh what else....oh...nipples are not radio knobs,always ask before you try to surprise someone with anal, some don't like it at all....use lube when playing with the clit,learn how to kiss without drowning the other person,pay attention to more than just boobs and box, and learn to control your ejaculation.If I think of more, I'll letcha know.

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I have a small collection of DVDs and books on the subject. Also an entire drawer full of toys. I think a lot of it is me saying "what do you want me to do" and her saying "I don't know". All she ever says is "I don't know".

Yes, she was touched when she was younger, but I am talking young, like 3 or 4 and she only remembers bits and pieces.

Dirtyboy said:

You will be poor as hell when she is gone. ALIMONY.....You have to pay her to live some where else. If you have been supporting her since ya been married you will support her when she is gone. She gets half of your shit too. Even half the weed. LOL

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I live in a state that does not have alimony, not to mention the fact that on paper I own literally nothing. I set it up this way for a reason. Also it would be a "no fault" divorce if it did go that far. We would split up assets evenly (I would give her our savings account and she would be happy).

desertrat said:

matthew, to be more serious on this forum than normal, you've posted in a couple of days: 1. that god wants you to kill someone 2. that you want to grow weed in your house without your wife knowing and 3. that your wife is moving out.

please reach out to the people in your life that you trust to help you through all of this.

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Go back and read some more of my posts bud.

tell her to F* off and the minute she walks out the door don't pay 1 more cent for any of her stuff. she treats you like crap cuz she can. she has everything she wants paid for by you and she doesn't even have to have sex with you. change the locks after she leaves too and get a new girl. this one wasn't worth it.

It's a lasting and profound thing...even if you don't remember all of it.It's buried in your subconscious, wreaking havoc on a lot of things,sex drive not the least of them. What you should do, is very gently touch her and kiss her in different places, and ask her if she likes it.Don't ask her what to do, try things,and stop immediately if she doesn't like it.Try to make the sex about her for a while.Go jerk off in bathroom afterwards if you have to,but DO NOT PRESSURE HER! If you want to use toys, I recommend the jack rabbit vibrator.....if that doesn't make her cum, nothing will.

matthew said:

I have a small collection of DVDs and books on the subject. Also an entire drawer full of toys. I think a lot of it is me saying "what do you want me to do" and her saying "I don't know". All she ever says is "I don't know".

Yes, she was touched when she was younger, but I am talking young, like 3 or 4 and she only remembers bits and pieces.

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matthew said:

I live in a state that does not have alimony, not to mention the fact that on paper I own literally nothing. I set it up this way for a reason. Also it would be a "no fault" divorce if it did go that far. We would split up assets evenly (I would give her our savings account and she would be happy).

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I should moved to your state a few years ago.

Good luck with every thing.
Your ass is so young. Its easy to start again.