Mr Neutron
Well-Known Member
We Marijuana-loggers feel that marijuana smokers have a bad reputation. They're usually thought of as lazy and dim-witted. Why, this couldn't be further from the tooth. There is actually a strict code of discipline that pot smokers must firmly adhere to. Here are the highlights from an actual webpage from an authority known as "Scooter 512" (or something like thatit could have been "Scooter 513" or "Bandit 300"let's not get hung up on details, okay?)
RULE NUMBER ONE: If someone rolls a nice joint, it's good to give the person a compliment on their rolling skills. Something like, "That's some tight shit, buddy!"
RULE NUMBER 2: Always remember to thank the person who has gotten you high. Unless it was really killer weed, in which case it is perfectly acceptable to forget to say thank you.
RULE NUMBER C: Never make your smoke out to be better than it really is. This gets everybody's hopes up just to be let down. Don't go bragging about how you got The Chronic, and then whip out the Down Town Brown on everyone's ass! People hate that. Especially us.
RULE NUMBER 14: It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl without notifying that person of its potential emptyosity. A proper warning would be, "Here ya go . . . I think it might be cashed. Go ahead, give it a try, see what happens. We're all pulling for you. Good luck."
RULE NUMBER SEVEN: When rolling a joint, don't ever pack a seed. Instead, pack a lunch. It will come in very handy later. Make sure you pack enough to share.
RULE NUMBER 8: You have to allot at least seven and three-quarters minutes of fake interest in the person holding the weed. Say something nice about them or their stuff, like, "Cool pipe," or, "Wow, that's a neat lizard."
RULE NUMBER 9: I'm glad your cousin works in a movie theater and let you sit in the projection room once when you were visiting him in Phoenix last summer . . . but what you should really do is take a hit and pass the pipe already.
RULE NUMBER 10: If you're getting high with someone and they ask for a sip of your drink, you must give them some. Dry mouth is not fucking funny. In fact, if left untreated, it can lead to the dreaded cottonmouth. Which, without immediate hydration, can turn into full-blown O.M.A.M.*
*Old Man's Ass Mouth
RULE NUMBER NEXT ONE: It is not cool to criticize other people's weed in front of them. Example, "Hey, no thanks. I'd rather smoke horse puke than your low-quality shit weed. Thanks for offering, though." Don't do that. It hurts.
RULE NUMBER YELLOW: Hey, don't push anyone to smoke pot with you. It's cool to offer weed to your new neighbor, but if they refuse, back off. In other words, don't do this: "Hey, Mr. Johnson, this is your new neighbor. You're about to smoke pot whether you want it or not. So get over here and suck on my bong!" Don't do that. It's pushers that make marijuana illegal. And politics. And laws. Mostly laws.
RULE NUMBER UNICORN: Pass the j clockwise, always clockwise. (That means the direction a clock goes.)
RULE NUMBER $%: Never Bogart. But if you supply the weed, you can Bacall us anytime!**
**If you didn't get that, ask an old person to explain it to you.
A RULE THAT RHYMES: When smoking a bowl with other smokers, remember this saying: Don't be mean, leave some green.
A RULE ABOUT ROACHES: Don't eat them. It doesn't get you high and it just makes you look like a hobo.
A RULE THAT IS SO OBVIOUS IT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE A RULE BUT HERE IT IS: Don't get your spit all over the pipe, bong, or joint. Remember, your bodily fluids are disgusting, so please don't force them upon others.
RULE NUMBER 8,763: Dude, don't be a dick and spill the bong water. It smells like Cheech's ass.
RULE NUMBER 1.2 MILLION: Please do not, while getting stoned in a canoe, stand up. You may drown. Or worse, spill bong water into the lake.
RULE NUMBER CHIMP: The person who rolls the joint (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and gets first hits.
RULE NUMBER CIDER HOUSE: If you're getting high in your house with someone, offer them some munchies if you have any. If you don't, that's cool. I mean it's not cool that you don't have food, but it's cool if you don't offer. Cause you don't have any.
RULE NUMBER FINALLY: And perhaps the most important rule of them allaccording to "Scooter 512"if three guys write a somewhat padded but sincere book entirely about marijuana, maybe you should get them high if ever your paths should cross in a comedy club or a dirty back alley.
SIDE EFFECTS OF THE POT LIFESTYLE
An unexpected side effect of our research for this book was how it affected us. In here shit. You can't see it, but we're pointing at our hearts. Actually, just Arj is. Tony is smoking a bowl, and Doug is doing the typing. (Hi, Mom!)
Hey, man, we didn't always smoke pot. For years and years we were "high on life!" But eventually we built up a tolerance. Now that we've embraced the pot lifestyle the world seems full of naysayers who want to point fingers. Here's our response:
Some people think that we use marijuana to hide from our problems, but WHATEVER. It would take a pretty big clump of marijuana for us to actually be able to hide behind it. We don't have that kind of money. (They didn't give us much for this book. But if they had, it sure would have been fun to build a pot fort.) Some people say that if you smoke pot for a long time, it'll affect your ability to reason with maturity. People who say that are poo poo ca ca pee pee faces. Other yoga freaks say, "The body's a temple, the body's a temple." That might be true, but as we're not religious, we prefer to lease our temple to demons for private parties.
RULE NUMBER ONE: If someone rolls a nice joint, it's good to give the person a compliment on their rolling skills. Something like, "That's some tight shit, buddy!"
RULE NUMBER 2: Always remember to thank the person who has gotten you high. Unless it was really killer weed, in which case it is perfectly acceptable to forget to say thank you.
RULE NUMBER C: Never make your smoke out to be better than it really is. This gets everybody's hopes up just to be let down. Don't go bragging about how you got The Chronic, and then whip out the Down Town Brown on everyone's ass! People hate that. Especially us.
RULE NUMBER 14: It is very impolite to hand someone an empty bowl without notifying that person of its potential emptyosity. A proper warning would be, "Here ya go . . . I think it might be cashed. Go ahead, give it a try, see what happens. We're all pulling for you. Good luck."
RULE NUMBER SEVEN: When rolling a joint, don't ever pack a seed. Instead, pack a lunch. It will come in very handy later. Make sure you pack enough to share.
RULE NUMBER 8: You have to allot at least seven and three-quarters minutes of fake interest in the person holding the weed. Say something nice about them or their stuff, like, "Cool pipe," or, "Wow, that's a neat lizard."
RULE NUMBER 9: I'm glad your cousin works in a movie theater and let you sit in the projection room once when you were visiting him in Phoenix last summer . . . but what you should really do is take a hit and pass the pipe already.
RULE NUMBER 10: If you're getting high with someone and they ask for a sip of your drink, you must give them some. Dry mouth is not fucking funny. In fact, if left untreated, it can lead to the dreaded cottonmouth. Which, without immediate hydration, can turn into full-blown O.M.A.M.*
*Old Man's Ass Mouth
RULE NUMBER NEXT ONE: It is not cool to criticize other people's weed in front of them. Example, "Hey, no thanks. I'd rather smoke horse puke than your low-quality shit weed. Thanks for offering, though." Don't do that. It hurts.
RULE NUMBER YELLOW: Hey, don't push anyone to smoke pot with you. It's cool to offer weed to your new neighbor, but if they refuse, back off. In other words, don't do this: "Hey, Mr. Johnson, this is your new neighbor. You're about to smoke pot whether you want it or not. So get over here and suck on my bong!" Don't do that. It's pushers that make marijuana illegal. And politics. And laws. Mostly laws.
RULE NUMBER UNICORN: Pass the j clockwise, always clockwise. (That means the direction a clock goes.)
RULE NUMBER $%: Never Bogart. But if you supply the weed, you can Bacall us anytime!**
**If you didn't get that, ask an old person to explain it to you.
A RULE THAT RHYMES: When smoking a bowl with other smokers, remember this saying: Don't be mean, leave some green.
A RULE ABOUT ROACHES: Don't eat them. It doesn't get you high and it just makes you look like a hobo.
A RULE THAT IS SO OBVIOUS IT SHOULDN'T EVEN BE A RULE BUT HERE IT IS: Don't get your spit all over the pipe, bong, or joint. Remember, your bodily fluids are disgusting, so please don't force them upon others.
RULE NUMBER 8,763: Dude, don't be a dick and spill the bong water. It smells like Cheech's ass.
RULE NUMBER 1.2 MILLION: Please do not, while getting stoned in a canoe, stand up. You may drown. Or worse, spill bong water into the lake.
RULE NUMBER CHIMP: The person who rolls the joint (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and gets first hits.
RULE NUMBER CIDER HOUSE: If you're getting high in your house with someone, offer them some munchies if you have any. If you don't, that's cool. I mean it's not cool that you don't have food, but it's cool if you don't offer. Cause you don't have any.
RULE NUMBER FINALLY: And perhaps the most important rule of them allaccording to "Scooter 512"if three guys write a somewhat padded but sincere book entirely about marijuana, maybe you should get them high if ever your paths should cross in a comedy club or a dirty back alley.
SIDE EFFECTS OF THE POT LIFESTYLE
An unexpected side effect of our research for this book was how it affected us. In here shit. You can't see it, but we're pointing at our hearts. Actually, just Arj is. Tony is smoking a bowl, and Doug is doing the typing. (Hi, Mom!)
Hey, man, we didn't always smoke pot. For years and years we were "high on life!" But eventually we built up a tolerance. Now that we've embraced the pot lifestyle the world seems full of naysayers who want to point fingers. Here's our response:
Some people think that we use marijuana to hide from our problems, but WHATEVER. It would take a pretty big clump of marijuana for us to actually be able to hide behind it. We don't have that kind of money. (They didn't give us much for this book. But if they had, it sure would have been fun to build a pot fort.) Some people say that if you smoke pot for a long time, it'll affect your ability to reason with maturity. People who say that are poo poo ca ca pee pee faces. Other yoga freaks say, "The body's a temple, the body's a temple." That might be true, but as we're not religious, we prefer to lease our temple to demons for private parties.
