I used to have this problem when I was growing commercially. It will haunt you as long as you continue to think big like this is your ticket in life. Problem is you know it isn't, you know it risks your freedom and every opportunity for the rest of your life and you don't want that worry deep down.
Very straightforward fix... Grow only for you, find another way or a much less risky place to do your thing to get your nut. IF you must grow, if it's your life support ATM, start working towards freedom from it. Work toward the dream that makes you happy that you are worried you can't finish or won't follow through on. There is something else you want to do, but you're trying to rationalise taking what you think is the easy shortcut route to the success you seek.
Ditch all thoughts of money and wealth. If you didn't have to work to earn a living what things might interest you just to fill your free time that wouldn't land you in jail?
Those things are what you should do.
Anyway this is how it worked for me, I have never had a bad dream in the last 10 years and now just grow on one shelf in my closet.
Also if you're a really havy smoker take a break, or swap to full sativa. You will think clearer and then it might all tune in clearer.
Sound similar to how you might be feeling?
Lastly make damn sure you are under the federal conviction levels. 99 plants I think it was when I checked years ago, and probably a weight limit. That can save you a little worry if you are over that now, but even a local conviction for minor crap will haunt your career plans if any for the rest of your life and severly limit your options if they aren't already.
Good luck...
