Axe! I knew there was something missing from my tool shed *manic axe murderer cackle*
Actually blokes are better at bush-lurking than chicks (because men have larger bladders? because they have thicker hairier skin so feel the cold less? nope! because they are very very good at sitting still and staring blankly at the same spot for hours - expert mono-taskers). But I have been feeling like a fully-exposed sitting target ever since the sun went down, so any "action" is preferable to that feeling.
No cops until the house has aired for at least a week
Also, preferably no cops ever, full stop. Telling the cops that I got a two-line email in a foreign language today that basically asked me how I expected to hide when I didn't even have any curtains?! How overstaffed would they need to be before they even listened to me?! At best they'd note my complaint so that it would pop up on screen when they get the emergency call at 4 a.m. from my neighbours to say that the weird hermit lady down the road has just slaughtered a bunch of foreigners with an axe - would that help me to get off on manslaughter?!