tired of being a scumbag but dont know how to change....

I'll share one with you guys, it's current and the cuts get deeper everyday {not literal}.

I'm a love child, he was married and my mother was in love, the result was I never met the man and was told differently until my 16th b-day. I was wasted and threatened my mom, she broke down and told me the truth. Within a weeks time I was kicked out and thus my 2yrs of self destruction went full bore, no one was left unscathed.
I promised myself that if ever I were to become a father I would be there every day of his life, to show him how much he was loved. Yet life didn't deal me those cards and I did become that man I swore I wasn't going to be, I'm not there daily {physically} and every night my fears assault me, upon waking I shake with rage and my jaw hurts from grinding my teeth to nubs. I'm my worst enemy for the other people in my life they see my woe and love me more because they know I'm trying wholeheartedly...and that's enough for me to battle daily.

Puff Puff Pass
 
the things you and i hate about our father is inside of us not by choice but by heredity - is more then just looking like them - sorry
cant change those things but can fight against them

i was a great father cause i had a perfect example i did everything the opposite of what my father would have done
and i have a fine son a engineering school graduate and a pilot in the U S Air Force

my father only fathered me was never a father but if we get to hung up on the hate it interferes with our progress we must let it go
when we do we can no longer use it for an excuse and can then move forward
once we can change our mind we can then change who we are and where we are going
hate is not a good nutrition for the body or the sole it stagnates instead of feeding the mind
 
Tough love time.
temper tantrums are for little kids. Time to be a big boy and get control of your emotions. You really should be talking this all out with a good therapist. They are trained to teach you how to get a different perspective on life.
RIf you're depressed run 3 miles.. see how depressed you are then.
If you want to be a good person go volunteer somewhere.
You don't have to keep beating yourself up.. if you want to change you can do it but like everything else it's not going to be easy, changing habits takes practice.
All that "I'm not good enough, I'm a scumbag, nobody wants someone like me" is depression talking and you know what..maybe its true but you can change that Shit today if you really wanted to.
go out and do something nice for somebody. See how you feel then.
Good luck
 
tightpockt said:
Tough love time.
temper tantrums are for little kids. Time to be a big boy and get control of your emotions. You really should be talking this all out with a good therapist. They are trained to teach you how to get a different perspective on life.
RIf you're depressed run 3 miles.. see how depressed you are then.
If you want to be a good person go volunteer somewhere.
You don't have to keep beating yourself up.. if you want to change you can do it but like everything else it's not going to be easy, changing habits takes practice.
All that "I'm not good enough, I'm a scumbag, nobody wants someone like me" is depression talking and you know what..maybe its true but you can change that Shit today if you really wanted to.
go out and do something nice for somebody. See how you feel then.
Good luck
Click to expand...

I never said im not good enough and no one likes me lol wtf??? and I do have scumbag tendencies.... and fuck some therapoy.. I did all that has a kid./ all they ever fucking did was dope me up and make excuses for me to act this way.....
 
How's the de-scuming going? Still a scumbag over here? Jk. move, find a good woman, start a family, worry about them. Forget about yourself and your past. Good luck
 
Dwezelitsame said:
the things you and i hate about our father is inside of us not by choice but by heredity - is more then just looking like them - sorry
cant change those things but can fight against them

i was a great father cause i had a perfect example i did everything the opposite of what my father would have done
and i have a fine son a engineering school graduate and a pilot in the U S Air Force

my father only fathered me was never a father but if we get to hung up on the hate it interferes with our progress we must let it go
when we do we can no longer use it for an excuse and can then move forward
once we can change our mind we can then change who we are and where we are going
hate is not a good nutrition for the body or the sole it stagnates instead of feeding the mind
Click to expand...
some real shit... I like that qoate bro.. ima have to steal it:bigjoint:
 
chewberto said:
How's the de-scuming going? Still a scumbag over here? Jk. move, find a good woman, start a family, worry about them. Forget about yourself and your past. Good luck
Click to expand...

lol only moderately scumbaggy today but I just got up the day is still young... ima try to stay away from stressfull situations that cause me to loose my cool...there is just so many of them... ima start by smoking a pipe of chemdog.... and taking a hot relaxing shower... be back late. peace
 
BarnBuster said:
EE has the idea, it doesn't have to be a big thing, just something you made up your mind to do and do it.
Click to expand...

Recently I helped a very drunk guy to his home (2 minute drive). He could hardly walk, it was -25c and it wasn't right to leave him there. That's an extreme example but dude was wrecked, I had to help.
 
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