Too be honest, i would say i act odd. I stay in doors alot havent been out in about a couple of months unless going to work on saturdays. I dont have no friends, i got one good one but we just text and i just dont feel botherd to go out and meet even though id like to.
Just cant be botherd to leave the house, although ive been working out alot for nearly a year and gained alot of muscle mass thats all that motivates and keeps me going.
I also get depressed alot and low self confidence. Sometimes i feel ok the next depressed. I feel constantly tired.
As ive read this is alot of the early symptoms of developing schizophrenia or the negative symptoms.
Dude, you sound just like me about a year ago.. no shit, it's pretty strange how similar you sound. I'm 19 too, about to be 20 later this month. I had gone through the same things you're going through about a year ago. I stayed indoors all the time after leaving HS. I avoided friends so naturally they stopped talking to me, this led to loneliness. I started smoking alot of pot to get through this depression that was suddenly layed on me. My depression was alot like yours too. Some days it would be there, some days it wouldn't as strong. I'd feel fatigued all the time, like it was very easy for me to fall asleep but that feeling isn't great when it's on you all day no matter how much you slept. In the morning I'd feel so shitty, like I was on the verge of crying. Anyways, because of all this, I was bringing myself down drowning in my own thoughts.. alone. I started feeling disconnected from people, from reality. I assume it's from smoking pot anytime I could at such a young age instead of smoking pot every now and then and also solving my problems head on without masking them behind the stoned effects of pot.
My vision became hazy. Tired all the time. Felt high all the time. felt off. So this convinced me that I had a mental disorder, much like you've done to yourself. It took me a while to realize everybody goes through this. Just like unclebaldrick said, you might be suffering from a condition known as 19. I didn't have a mental disorder nor was I clinically depressed. I just needed more friends and to go out and enjoy life. Talk to women, make friends, smoke with new people. All these things will help pull yourself out of your own negativity.
And stop telling yourself that you have early signs of schizo. That's exactly what I did, but the disorder I was worried about was called derealization/depersonalization disorder. alot of what I was experiencing matched the symptoms of that disorder, so I was glued onto the idea that my mind was deteriorating in my own head. Figured I was going insane at the time.
Now I see it's silly to just assume you have a mental disorder and you'll have to take prescription drugs forever.
Part of the symptoms of depersonalization is the hazy vision. Yesterday I found out a few weird things about my body, concerning my jaw. If I keep my mouth open, I have my normal strength. If I close my mouth, I'm much weaker because of the way my jaw is positioned (I gotta wear a night guard now to fix this, shouldn't take long). My jaw also causes extreme sensitivity to light and hazy vision. see what I'm saying? I self diagnosed myself and said I have a mental disorder when really it was as simple as my jaw being positioned a little off.
so my advice in a nutshell.. Have a lighter mind, don't worry so much because it won't help. Have confidence that you will get over this, because if you keep doubting yourself, you'll be stuck with your way of thinking for a while. Don't smoke as much, but if you want, smoke with some friends or make new friends. It's as easy as starting a conversation with someone. And at our age, I'm not sure how to explain it, but we pretty much need to get our fix of flirting in. Talk to women too, if you find a nice girl, I'm sure she'll boost up your confidence. you won't find a girl to make you happy if you're indoors all the time.
I hope I helped man, because although I learned ALOT this past year, it could have been spent better without the constant worrying. I wouldn't want somebody else to go down the same path.
