Need Advice Please!

[humbo jumbo]

So I have had this relationship with a girl for the past 6 years of my life.

She is hands down the only girl in my life that I have come across that I can confidently say I am in love with.

Heres were it gets odd.

We have never been girlfriend or boyfriend, just really close. Ive always had my feelings out in the open for her as she has to me as well. There hasn't been any hidden feelings for a very long time.
Now as far as our physical relationship, there really isn't one. Shes done this whole I am not 'into you, however, I am going to kiss you because I am curious bs for a little bit' but nothing ever more than that & the occasional spending the night.

I have always kept her distanced to a certain extent from a lot of my friends. I feel the reason for that is the fact that our whole relationship is so complex and meaningful to me that I tend to just not want to have to deal with all the questions & worries that my boys bring about.

So to stop all this blabbering and attempt to ge6t to the point.

I finally invited her to my best friends house to jacuzzi, drink beers, and just relax. She came over one night had a good time, came over the next night and ended up hooking up with my best friend.

I walked in on them and simply did not say one word, but grabbed my stuff and left the house. I was pretty drunk & I am not sure if I am taking the right actions or even if my thought process is in the correct ballpark.

He destroyed any amount of trust I had for him simultaneously disrespecting any consideration of my feelings. Worse, he continued to lie about it until he realized that she had told me everything that had happened.

I feel that I have the right to be extremely mad at him, but I also am not sure what to think of her.

We have no ties as far as a relationship and she of course has the right to hook up with guys. However I feel that it was still disrespectful of her to do what she did. I do know that I can forgive her as I have no control and no right to tell her what she can and can't do. I also know that what my homie did was totally fucked, I feel like If I see him again I will hurt him beyond recognition.

What I am trying to figure out is what is a reasonable way of going about things. I don't entirely want to lose him as my friend but at the same time, it is heart wrenching for me to know that he did this. Is it reasonable for him to be forgiven, what would you do?

I apologize if this is all over the place, but thats whats wrong with me right now, my mind is scattered and racing at a million miles per hour, thus the reasoning behind my coming here for advice.

Thanks

 

[farmer#1]

obviously dis guy aint ur homie go to his house and smash his face in! as for that bitch ass slut spit in her face and tell her to fuck her self, or something like dat. thats just what i would do but im a violent guy.

 

[Wordz]

obviously dis guy aint ur homie go to his house and smash his face in! as for that bitch ass slut spit in her face and tell her to fuck her self, or something like dat. thats just what i would do but im a violent guy.

that's retarded. maybe this girl just isn't into you.

 

[farmer#1]

yh but come on if ur homie knew that you were onto her then thats fuked up

 

[Wordz]

yh but come on if ur homie knew that you were onto her then thats fuked up

for sure but smashin his face isn't gonna get him this girl. he needs to tell her exactly how he feels about her

 

[NewGrowth]

Ok dude first off, your relationship is not complicated. You are in what I like to call the "friend" box and that is the WORST place to be with a woman unless you are gay. You need to stop being so nice to this girl if you really want her. Women like a little spice a challenge and mystery it is part of their fucking genetic structure. So if you want her here is what you do.

1. First put aside your emotions and stop acting like a women.
2. Continue to be friends with that guy not because he is not a douche bag because he is. You do this do show her you don't really care and you are your own man.
3. Don't call or talk to this chick and let her call you for at least a couple of weeks, just send her a text if she keeps calling saying you have been meaning to call her but have been really busy
4. If you see her around say hi but act busy and non-chalant
5. GET WITH OTHER WOMEN!!!!!! I cannot stress this enough find women friends hang with them, hook up
6. Get in shape, work out, get some style, start looking and feeling better, STAY ACTIVE! whatever you do
7. Let her come to you and when she does don't go repeating your mistakes, act like a man play little games with her and then fuck her, the physical part is necessary bro

Ok I'm not trying to be a dick I know you probably feel like shit and are really confused too. Women want men who are solid and they like a challenge too. What ever you do GET THE HELL OUT OF THE FRIEND BOX you will end up killing yourself if you stay there! You can't let women rule your emotions.

 

[smokertoker]

Bros before Hoes!

 

[sarah22]

just tell her that what she did hurt you. but i mean...if shes not into you "that way" theres not really a whole lot you can do to change her mind. clarify with her where the 2 of you stand. are you just friends, or are you more...be honest and tell her how much you care about her...but dont be mad or anything if she doesnt feel the same. i would be pissed at ur buddy too. u need to sit him down and tell him that what he did really pissed you off. if hes really ur friend he will apologize. theres no sense fighting about it. but as for the girl...u really need to have a long talk...be patient, tell her how you feel...and listen to what she has to say. and dont make her feel bad for anything...maybe it will work out really well...maybe you'll just stay friends, either way...u need to talk it out. i know i sound like a total girl right now...but being distant and trying to be macho is not the way to go about things. maybe give her some space for a few days...a week at the most...but definitely make the effort to talk it out with her.

 

[NewGrowth]

just tell her that what she did hurt you. but i mean...if shes not into you "that way" theres not really a whole lot you can do to change her mind. clarify with her where the 2 of you stand. are you just friends, or are you more...be honest and tell her how much you care about her...but dont be mad or anything if she doesnt feel the same. i would be pissed at ur buddy too. u need to sit him down and tell him that what he did really pissed you off. if hes really ur friend he will apologize. theres no sense fighting about it. but as for the girl...u really need to have a long talk...be patient, tell her how you feel...and listen to what she has to say. and dont make her feel bad for anything...maybe it will work out really well...maybe you'll just stay friends, either way...u need to talk it out. i know i sound like a total girl right now...but being distant and trying to be macho is not the way to go about things. maybe give her some space for a few days...a week at the most...but definitely make the effort to talk it out with her.

Whatever you do DON'T do that trust me there is no talking it out with a woman. You can't TALK women into feeling attracted to you hell if you could do that all the nerds in your high school would be getting laid at the jocks would be SOL. Trust me bro I have been down this road many a time before and now I date all kinds of girls get laid more and might have in fact found a girl that is really cool and who likes me too. I dated a chick with bi-polar for years and I can say I still love her but there is no way in hell I will ever get back together with her. I am having more sex than ever and meeting women that are WAY better prospects for the wife department.

 

[reefcouple]

fuck that, neither had enough respect for you to not "hook up"... wash your hands of both of them.... don't get upset, just walk away.....

tell her, she fucked up and she should have known better, and ciao......

tell him the same....

 

[humbo jumbo]

Ok dude first off, your relationship is not complicated. You are in what I like to call the "friend" box and that is the WORST place to be with a woman unless you are gay. You need to stop being so nice to this girl if you really want her. Women like a little spice a challenge and mystery it is part of their fucking genetic structure. So if you want her here is what you do.

1. First put aside your emotions and stop acting like a women.
2. Continue to be friends with that guy not because he is not a douche bag because he is. You do this do show her you don't really care and you are your own man.
3. Don't call or talk to this chick and let her call you for at least a couple of weeks, just send her a text if she keeps calling saying you have been meaning to call her but have been really busy
4. If you see her around say hi but act busy and non-chalant
5. GET WITH OTHER WOMEN!!!!!! I cannot stress this enough find women friends hang with them, hook up
6. Get in shape, work out, get some style, start looking and feeling better, STAY ACTIVE! whatever you do
7. Let her come to you and when she does don't go repeating your mistakes, act like a man play little games with her and then fuck her, the physical part is necessary bro

Ok I'm not trying to be a dick I know you probably feel like shit and are really confused too. Women want men who are solid and they like a challenge too. What ever you do GET THE HELL OUT OF THE FRIEND BOX you will end up killing yourself if you stay there! You can't let women rule your emotions.

Well this girl has always known about me liking her, we have always been extremely upfront. I use to get way worked up about specific things when it came to us, but recently ive just been going with the flow. I am not really trying to get her as my girlfriend any longer. That is obviously out of the question when all the facts are out on the table, its just that these feelings are still a part of me and I had hoped my friends would of respected the past her and I have.

I am unsure if I am in the wrong or not? was it ok for me to of told my friends to fuck off? I have no control over her and what she does thats her deal you know? But I still would think that coinsidering these kids are strangers to her that that gives me the right to tell them to not touch her? not really worded right

fuck that, neither had enough respect for you to not "hook up"... wash your hands of both of them.... don't get upset, just walk away.....

tell her, she fucked up and she should have known better, and ciao......

tell him the same....

I feel like this may be the right answer to all of this. But I am scared to not have her in my life ever.

just tell her that what she did hurt you. but i mean...if shes not into you "that way" theres not really a whole lot you can do to change her mind. clarify with her where the 2 of you stand. are you just friends, or are you more...be honest and tell her how much you care about her...but dont be mad or anything if she doesnt feel the same. i would be pissed at ur buddy too. u need to sit him down and tell him that what he did really pissed you off. if hes really ur friend he will apologize. theres no sense fighting about it. but as for the girl...u really need to have a long talk...be patient, tell her how you feel...and listen to what she has to say. and dont make her feel bad for anything...maybe it will work out really well...maybe you'll just stay friends, either way...u need to talk it out. i know i sound like a total girl right now...but being distant and trying to be macho is not the way to go about things. maybe give her some space for a few days...a week at the most...but definitely make the effort to talk it out with her.

thank you, I appreciate were your coming from, and the way you go about things. However like I said I do know that at this time im not trying to make her my girlfriend but just to keep us as friends. However it was fucked for her to do that with my friend, at the same time, what right do I have to tell her who she can and cant hook up with? Like i had previously stated

 

[sarah22]

then yea...washing ur hands of her for now is a good way to go about it...and him too. i have cut people out of my life for less. i know u dont wanna lose her as a friend...but if you have those kinds of feelings for her...its not gonna go away real quick...and u will have to be her friend and endure all the guys shes bound to hook up with. if i like a guy...and he doesnt feel that way about me...i have a hard time still being his friend cuz i get jealous every time he meets a new girl u know? but maybe just distance the friendship for a while then...good luck man...i hope everything works out ok for you

 

[humbo jumbo]

then yea...washing ur hands of her for now is a good way to go about it...and him too. i have cut people out of my life for less. i know u dont wanna lose her as a friend...but if you have those kinds of feelings for her...its not gonna go away real quick...and u will have to be her friend and endure all the guys shes bound to hook up with. if i like a guy...and he doesnt feel that way about me...i have a hard time still being his friend cuz i get jealous every time he meets a new girl u know? but maybe just distance the friendship for a while then...good luck man...i hope everything works out ok for you

thank you i trutly appreciate these words.

the deal is, its not a matter of her hooking up with other dudes. Thats whatever like I have said, thats her deal and i have no say in that.

what the problem was is that it was my best friend who she had just met the day before!!!

I truly trutly love her, and i cant imagine legitimately washing my hands of her. But perhaps that really is the way to go about this.

I feel so shitty right now its ridiculous. But perhaps this is a sign that shes really not worth it in the long run

 

[raeman1990]

dude i feel you on that one. I have friend who did close to the same thing. Its never good to ditch a friend of a long time, Just move the fuck on, she obviously isn't in to you but maybe your friend didn't know how you felt about her. talk to HIM, forget about her, there will always be another woman

 

[reefcouple]

its as simple as his, and this is why i say wash your hands of both of em...

You say she was supposed to be a "friend"? and he was as well??? well even if she's not into you, she still wasn't a friend right?? she knows damn well that what she did would hurt you, no ifs ands or buts about it and no good friend would treat you like that.. same goes for him..

No loss, only theirs

 

[humbo jumbo]

its as simple as his, and this is why i say wash your hands of both of em...

You say she was supposed to be a "friend"? and he was as well??? well even if she's not into you, she still wasn't a friend right?? she knows damn well that what she did would hurt you, no ifs ands or buts about it and no good friend would treat you like that.. same goes for him..

No loss, only theirs

thank your wonderful advice, i truly feel like your right.

I am completely terrified though. Losing a good homie is one thing, but shes far more important to me than he is. I am the person I am proud to be today, because of her and I don't know if I have the ability to say good bye to someone of that caliber in my life...

However I feel like I am treating myself badly by allowing someone who cares for me treat me like this.

after she apologized to me I asked her what she thinks I should do:

"I think you should see this as a pure lapse of judgment on both our parts..."

 

[NewGrowth]

thank you i trutly appreciate these words.

the deal is, its not a matter of her hooking up with other dudes. Thats whatever like I have said, thats her deal and i have no say in that.

what the problem was is that it was my best friend who she had just met the day before!!!

I truly trutly love her, and i cant imagine legitimately washing my hands of her. But perhaps that really is the way to go about this.

I feel so shitty right now its ridiculous. But perhaps this is a sign that shes really not worth it in the long run

I don't get it dude you truly love her but you don't want her as a girlfriend? Obviously you have major physical attraction towards her or fucking your friend would be no big deal to you. I think you are obviously very confused and need some time to process your feelings a bit. From what I see you either need to let this girl go or stop being such a pussy. Of course she fucked the guy she met the day before over you! I'm telling you man guys in the friend box never get any ass. I had friends in high school who always had girls hanging around them but NEVER got any ass. They used to make fun of me because I never hung with any girls (as far as the knew). I was in fact having sex with TWO cheerleaders AND one of the chicks my friend was hanging with all the time. I just never told them because they would have blabbed about it and then my ass connections would have ended.
Now the other part is you need to realize that sex is a necessary part of a romantic relationship with a women. Also often sex is just that, sex. So you need to realize that the problem is not with your friend or with her its with YOU dude. So it is probably a good idea for you to distance yourself from her a bit and stop moping around no matter how bad it hurts (and trust me I know it hurst bad!). This will give you some time to sort out your feelings and decide what you want for yourself because that should come first. Women are not attracted to guys with no confidence, low self esteem and who are depressed.
So once again not trying to be a dick just being truthful, until you enter into a relationship with someone you have to play the little dating games for a bit, and I know it sucks. BUT even when in the relationship it can still suck trust me ending a long term relationship is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do.
If you decide you want this girl as a girlfriend I believe that I can help you out of the friend box but its gonna take some ball-busting and a little work too. Good luck bro, I gotta go . . . I have a lunch date

 

[NewGrowth]

Oh and I would be happy to tell you my story about the girl I fell in love with man just send me a PM. You are not alone out there

 

[humbo jumbo]

Oh and I would be happy to tell you my story about the girl I fell in love with man just send me a PM. You are not alone out there

thanks man i appreciate it, like i said the situation is pretty complicated hard to understand.

Ive never had trouble spraying bitches thats not what its about in this case.

Ill hit u up id love to here it but im on my way out to the beach

thanks again

& <3

 

[matt+amber4ever]

ive been throug kinda the same thing, not to such a degree but the same, more than freinds but not really and duh dud udh duh duh, yeah i kinda get how your feeling, ive been through it, and the only advice i have, which might not be the best, is just give it some space, tell her how you feel her and how you feel about what happened, and thats all, dont guilt trip her dont get angry, just tell her, if she wants to talk, listen, after that, give it some space, to both of them, dont call them or otherwise go out of your way for either of the two, and if or when one or the other calls you, or confronts you, then you'll know that whatever relationship/ freindship that may follow is worth it, as in, if they actualy give a damn about you or care about you, theyll make some sort of effort to talk or work things out, if no call or anythign ever comes, then im truly sorry, its one of the worst feelings to ever have when you kinda realize how little you meant, and in that case, take some time to yourself, do whatever it takes to make yourself happy again, and maybe give the girl a call then, and more or less, start over, it hurts, but every now and then, its worth it,

i hope at least some part of that helps, and sorry if its a bit hard to understand,