Kludge
Well-Known Member
Everyone is always talking about the crappiest job they've ever had, but I was just wondering, what the shortest you've ever worked at a job? I'm talking about showing up for the first day of work and then something goes horribly wrong.
My record is mere minutes. I was a teenager and had just gotten a job at some random fast food joint, I think it was a Steak and Shake. Even as a kid I have always prided myself on my work ethic so I showed up 15 mins early to make sure I was ready for my shift.
As the time to clock in approaches I notice a bit of a hubbub going on in the dining room. There's a guy with a mop bucket arguing with the manager in that loud whisper voice that's pointless because everyone around you can hear still hear you. They argue for about a minute and then the manager says something to our mop guy and they both turn and look at me...
Feeling a little disquieted I hesitantly drop my pristine time card into the time clock, ready to start my new job. Clang! "2:59 PM"
No sooner than the last echo of the time clock's mechanical "PUNCH!" sound fades the manager is at my side, all smiles and welcomes. "Hey kid, good to have you on board the team! I see you're clocked in so let's get you to work shall we? How about you start with the bathrooms? Just go over there to Jose and he'll show you where to start."
"Oh, that's it?", I think to myself. I just have to clean the bathrooms? No big deal, it sucks but it's honest work. So I head over to Jose who now has a huge shit eating grin on his face... and rightly so.
As I greet Jose for the first time he says, "Hey man, you gotta clean that shit up, I ain't doing it."
To which I reply, "Yeah, I know. The new guy aways gets the shit jobs."
"No man, shit. Real shit, all over the walls man. All over everything man. It's fucking disgusting.", Jose pronounces in his hilariously loud whisper.
At this point I know there's no way I'm cleaning shit off of walls but I gotta see this. I cautiously approach the bathroom and as I touch the door the smell has hit me; that smell that can be nothing other than human feces has invaded my nose and has established a beach head.
As the door cracks open my eyes are presented with an image my mind cannot comprehend. There is literally shit covering every surface in the bathroom. It's on the walls, its on the sink, it's on the mirror, it's on the floor, for fuck's sake it's even on the interior DOOR HANDLE! The only place it isn't at is in the toilet.
Quickly backing away from the bathroom I collide with the manager. I spin around, a shocked look on my face no doubt, and the manager says, "Better get to work, that bathroom's not going to clean itself."
To which I replied, "Go fuck yourself you cheeseburger eating mother fucker."
I'd put that one at 5 mins, tops.
My record is mere minutes. I was a teenager and had just gotten a job at some random fast food joint, I think it was a Steak and Shake. Even as a kid I have always prided myself on my work ethic so I showed up 15 mins early to make sure I was ready for my shift.
As the time to clock in approaches I notice a bit of a hubbub going on in the dining room. There's a guy with a mop bucket arguing with the manager in that loud whisper voice that's pointless because everyone around you can hear still hear you. They argue for about a minute and then the manager says something to our mop guy and they both turn and look at me...
Feeling a little disquieted I hesitantly drop my pristine time card into the time clock, ready to start my new job. Clang! "2:59 PM"
No sooner than the last echo of the time clock's mechanical "PUNCH!" sound fades the manager is at my side, all smiles and welcomes. "Hey kid, good to have you on board the team! I see you're clocked in so let's get you to work shall we? How about you start with the bathrooms? Just go over there to Jose and he'll show you where to start."
"Oh, that's it?", I think to myself. I just have to clean the bathrooms? No big deal, it sucks but it's honest work. So I head over to Jose who now has a huge shit eating grin on his face... and rightly so.
As I greet Jose for the first time he says, "Hey man, you gotta clean that shit up, I ain't doing it."
To which I reply, "Yeah, I know. The new guy aways gets the shit jobs."
"No man, shit. Real shit, all over the walls man. All over everything man. It's fucking disgusting.", Jose pronounces in his hilariously loud whisper.
At this point I know there's no way I'm cleaning shit off of walls but I gotta see this. I cautiously approach the bathroom and as I touch the door the smell has hit me; that smell that can be nothing other than human feces has invaded my nose and has established a beach head.
As the door cracks open my eyes are presented with an image my mind cannot comprehend. There is literally shit covering every surface in the bathroom. It's on the walls, its on the sink, it's on the mirror, it's on the floor, for fuck's sake it's even on the interior DOOR HANDLE! The only place it isn't at is in the toilet.
Quickly backing away from the bathroom I collide with the manager. I spin around, a shocked look on my face no doubt, and the manager says, "Better get to work, that bathroom's not going to clean itself."
To which I replied, "Go fuck yourself you cheeseburger eating mother fucker."
I'd put that one at 5 mins, tops.