What is your shortest job ever?

Everyone is always talking about the crappiest job they've ever had, but I was just wondering, what the shortest you've ever worked at a job? I'm talking about showing up for the first day of work and then something goes horribly wrong.

My record is mere minutes. I was a teenager and had just gotten a job at some random fast food joint, I think it was a Steak and Shake. Even as a kid I have always prided myself on my work ethic so I showed up 15 mins early to make sure I was ready for my shift.

As the time to clock in approaches I notice a bit of a hubbub going on in the dining room. There's a guy with a mop bucket arguing with the manager in that loud whisper voice that's pointless because everyone around you can hear still hear you. They argue for about a minute and then the manager says something to our mop guy and they both turn and look at me...

Feeling a little disquieted I hesitantly drop my pristine time card into the time clock, ready to start my new job. Clang! "2:59 PM"

No sooner than the last echo of the time clock's mechanical "PUNCH!" sound fades the manager is at my side, all smiles and welcomes. "Hey kid, good to have you on board the team! I see you're clocked in so let's get you to work shall we? How about you start with the bathrooms? Just go over there to Jose and he'll show you where to start."

"Oh, that's it?", I think to myself. I just have to clean the bathrooms? No big deal, it sucks but it's honest work. So I head over to Jose who now has a huge shit eating grin on his face... and rightly so.

As I greet Jose for the first time he says, "Hey man, you gotta clean that shit up, I ain't doing it."

To which I reply, "Yeah, I know. The new guy aways gets the shit jobs."

"No man, shit. Real shit, all over the walls man. All over everything man. It's fucking disgusting.", Jose pronounces in his hilariously loud whisper.

At this point I know there's no way I'm cleaning shit off of walls but I gotta see this. I cautiously approach the bathroom and as I touch the door the smell has hit me; that smell that can be nothing other than human feces has invaded my nose and has established a beach head.

As the door cracks open my eyes are presented with an image my mind cannot comprehend. There is literally shit covering every surface in the bathroom. It's on the walls, its on the sink, it's on the mirror, it's on the floor, for fuck's sake it's even on the interior DOOR HANDLE! The only place it isn't at is in the toilet.

Quickly backing away from the bathroom I collide with the manager. I spin around, a shocked look on my face no doubt, and the manager says, "Better get to work, that bathroom's not going to clean itself."

To which I replied, "Go fuck yourself you cheeseburger eating mother fucker."

I'd put that one at 5 mins, tops.

ive had 5 jods that i have been sacked from in the same day.
1 hotel. got caught drinking champange
2 pub. got in a fight
3 call center. swearing at the boss
4 gas salesman. lying to housholders
5 holiday camp. getting in a fight

im 33 now i did all these jobs years ago.

i always new i was a free spirit and should have been self employed.
good job i now am"self employed"

Worked at a construction job. Worked really hard for a week. At the end of the week when the guy came to pay me he asked me what the minimum wage was (In Ireland the minimum wage is €8.65 ph). I knew, he knew but he was checking to see if he could get away paying me less if I didn't know. So he whiped out his calculator and punched in a few numbers asking "how many hours did you work?", I replied 45. €390 should have been the figure but he said "that's very expensive we'll leave it at €330".
He then wafled on about something and said fair enough. I came back the next week and he said I thought I let you go and explained I had been let go.

I was very disappointed at the way I had been treated.

Dev said:

Worked at a construction job. Worked really hard for a week. At the end of the week when the guy came to pay me he asked me what the minimum wage was (In Ireland the minimum wage is €8.65 ph). I knew, he knew but he was checking to see if he could get away paying me less if I didn't know. So he whiped out his calculator and punched in a few numbers asking "how many hours did you work?", I replied 45. €390 should have been the figure but he said "that's very expensive we'll leave it at €330".
He then wafled on about something and said fair enough. I came back the next week and he said I thought I let you go and explained I had been let go.

I was very disappointed at the way I had been treated.

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i dont understand what really happened.
was it because you lied about how many hours you worked or he paid you too much?.
you should have sorted what you were getting paid b4 you started to worh for the asshole.
and belive i ve worked for plenty of assholes.belive.

Basically he didn't give me enough money and fired me. I was very annoyed. I hate it when I feel powerless.

I can imagine that you may suspect I did something wrong or was slacking at the job but he even he commended me that I worked well. I was never given a clear reason as to why I was let go.

bout 2 minutes when i was bit younger, she was FIT AS tho.

Dev said:

Basically he didn't give me enough money and fired me. I was very annoyed. I hate it when I feel powerless.

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Cash in hand job, I expect, no deductions? Were you signing on at the same time? A lot of people do. You take your chances in that kind of situation.

My shittiest job was night-cleaning a hotel in London. It really wasn't too bad except for everyone else would work as fast as they could so they could leave, but I had no wheels so the faster I worked, the longer i had to wait for the tubes to start running when I was finished.

My shortest job was about 5 minutes on a construction site.

ElBarto said:

Cash in hand job, I expect, no deductions? Were you signing on at the same time? A lot of people do. You take your chances in that kind of situation.

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When I signed on I assumed it was a legit job. They took my PPS number (social security) address, previous employment etc. Looking back now I realise how they really did screw me over. Construction jobs in Ireland for the work I was doing would fetch €13 per hour.

At the time I wasn't so sure, I was grateful for getting the job in the first place.

ya know, ive never really had a 'short job' theres been times where ive been accepted and just not turned up to start my 1st day. ive worked all my other jobs through for awhile.

its probably still one of my life goals to tell a boss/manager to go fuck him/herself

i imagine id do it the smart way though. abit like the situation in American Beauty. pure class

Dev said:

When I signed on I assumed it was a legit job. They took my PPS number (social security) address, previous employment etc. Looking back now I realise how they really did screw me over. Construction jobs in Ireland for the work I was doing would fetch €13 per hour.

At the time I wasn't so sure, I was grateful for getting the job in the first place.

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Sounds like he robbed you as surely as if he had taken €60 straight out of your wallet. Oh well, lesson learned, eh?

ElBarto said:

Sounds like he robbed you as surely as if he had taken €60 straight out of your wallet. Oh well, lesson learned, eh?

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Too true, some things just have to be learned the hard way.

back in high school i got hired at claim jumpers, a local resaurant chain in california. Well i went for training which was 4 hour,went home and never went back again. That's the only time i've sacked a job like that. I'm a real stable guy when it comes to work but that place just sucked balls.