Pix That Make You LOL-Warning-SNWS
- Thread starter Big P
- Start date
Don Gin and Ton
Well-Known Member
[youtube]L0noRU0WI84?fs=1&hl=en_GB"[/youtube]
[youtube]9iavPCXgwGY?fs=1&hl=en_GB"[/youtube]
[youtube]9iavPCXgwGY?fs=1&hl=en_GB"[/youtube]
edsthreads
Well-Known Member
Haha I love Paul Kaye.. The Strutter Bubble is class, saw that clip a couple of years back.. been meaning to make one ever since!
ganja girl
New Member
The
Obedient Italian Wife!
Obedient Italian Wife!
There
was an Italian immigrant man who had worked all
his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser"
when it came to his money.
was an Italian immigrant man who had worked all
his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser"
when it came to his money.
Just
before he died, he said to his Italian wife..."When I die, I want you to
take all my money and put
it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the after
life with me."
And
so he
got his wife to promise him, with all of
her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money
into the casket with him.
Well,
he died. He was stretched out in the casket,
his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, (what else), and her best
friend was sitting next to her
When they
finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the
casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"
She
had a small metal box with her; she came overwith the box and put it in the
casket.
Then
the undertaker locked
the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend
said, "Girl,
I know you were not fool enough to put
all that money in there with your husband."
The
loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an Italian
Catholic & I cannot go back on my word. I promised
him that I was going to put that money in the casket
with him.."
You
mean to tell me you put that money in the
casket with him??"
"I
sure did," said the wife.
"I got it all together, put it into my account, I wrote him
a check....
If he can cash it, then he
can spend it." AMEN!
sure did," said the wife.
"I got it all together, put it into my account, I wrote him
a check....
If he can cash it, then he
can spend it." AMEN!
I had to look at my keyboard to "GET IT". +
ganja girl
New Member
There was this farmer out tending his fields and he stumbled across his son pulling his pud. He tells his son, ‘Son, I want you to go to town and get that taken care of.’
The next week the farmer is out tending his fields and he once again stumbles across his son pulling his pud. “Son,” he said, “I thought I told you to go to town and get that taken care of proper like.”
The following week the farmer was again out tending his fields and he stumbles upon his son pulling his pud. “I thought I told you to go to town and get that taken care of proper like. Now I want you to go to town find a woman and marry her and get that taken care of proper like.”
The young man goes to town finds a woman marries her and moves in next door to his father. After a few weeks the farmer is out tending his fields and finds his son out in the field pulling his pud. “I thought I told you to go to town , find a woman, marry her and get that taken care of proper like?”
His son replied, “I did, but Pa, her little arms get so tired.”
The next week the farmer is out tending his fields and he once again stumbles across his son pulling his pud. “Son,” he said, “I thought I told you to go to town and get that taken care of proper like.”
The following week the farmer was again out tending his fields and he stumbles upon his son pulling his pud. “I thought I told you to go to town and get that taken care of proper like. Now I want you to go to town find a woman and marry her and get that taken care of proper like.”
The young man goes to town finds a woman marries her and moves in next door to his father. After a few weeks the farmer is out tending his fields and finds his son out in the field pulling his pud. “I thought I told you to go to town , find a woman, marry her and get that taken care of proper like?”
His son replied, “I did, but Pa, her little arms get so tired.”
ganja girl
New Member
[youtube]7v3QcoaMP5I[/youtube]
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband
comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband
comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and
start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep
swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh
and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband
came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I
swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband
comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband
comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and
start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep
swishing and swishing until he goes to bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh
and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband
came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I
swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"
casper23
Active Member
mcpurple
Well-Known Member
looks like jizz on a snail
jcdws602
Well-Known Member
That shit was pretty funny......here so people dont have to click the link
I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears.
I am not a big fan of cats. I do not hate them, I just have no interest in them whatsoever. If I visit your house, I do not want to pat your cat, sit on the couch where it has been or have you make me a sandwich after patting it. I didn't want that sandwich anyway. The Maxwell house coffee was bad enough and when you smelt the milk to see if it was still ok, despite being a week past its use by date, I saw your nose touch the carton.
I actually rescued a cat once. I was walking across a bridge, over a river that was in flood, when I heard mewing and saw a frantic cat being pulled along. I picked up a fairly hefty branch and threw it over the rail to where the cat was. I did not see it after that but I am pretty sure it would have climbed on and ridden the branch over the next set of rapids and waterfall to safety.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster
Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan. From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?" Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David. From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.
DST
Well-Known Member
David Thorne is very funny, there are tonnes more of his mad antics on his website
http://www.27bslash6.com/
Dear neighbour, you are not invited to my party is a particularly funny one...
http://www.27bslash6.com/matthewsparty.html
http://www.27bslash6.com/
Dear neighbour, you are not invited to my party is a particularly funny one...
http://www.27bslash6.com/matthewsparty.html
brickedup417
Well-Known Member
thought this was pretty funny
EFILROFKGD
Active Member
ganja girl
New Member
A young woman marries a Greek man. Her mother tells her, ‘If he ever asks you to rollover, you just get up and pack up your things and move back home. Now, remember what I’ve said to you.’
A few years go by and while they’re in bed the Greek says, ‘Honey why don’t you rollover?’ With that the girl gets up and starts to pack her clothes. And he asks, ‘what’s wrong, what did I do?’
She says, ‘Mom told me if you ever asked me to rollover I should pack up and move back home.’
He says, ‘But, honey, I just thought it was time for us to have children.’
A few years go by and while they’re in bed the Greek says, ‘Honey why don’t you rollover?’ With that the girl gets up and starts to pack her clothes. And he asks, ‘what’s wrong, what did I do?’
She says, ‘Mom told me if you ever asked me to rollover I should pack up and move back home.’
He says, ‘But, honey, I just thought it was time for us to have children.’
Padawanbater2
Well-Known Member
http://www.nothingtoxic.com/media/1282810634/TV_Reporter_Lady_Hit_In_The_Head_With_Soccer_Ball
Not a pic, but hilarious. You'll be glad you clicked that link! lmfao
Not a pic, but hilarious. You'll be glad you clicked that link! lmfao
ganja girl
New Member
The ANT
AND THE
GRASSHOPPER
This one is a little different ...
Two Different Versions ...
Two Different Morals
OL D VERSION
The ant works
hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper
thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed.
The grasshopper has
no food or shelter, so he
dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:
Be responsible for yourself!
NEWEST
VERSION
AND THE
GRASSHOPPER
This one is a little different ...
Two Different Versions ...
Two Different Morals
OL D VERSION
The ant works
hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper
thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm
and well fed.
The grasshopper has
no food or shelter, so he
dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:
Be responsible for yourself!
NEWEST
VERSION
RELEVANT TO TODAY
The ant works hard
in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.
The [FONT=Comic Sans MS]grasshopper[/FONT] thinks the ant
is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper
calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.
CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN,
and ABC show up to
provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper
next to a video of the ant
in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears
on Oprah
with the grasshopper
and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green...'
ACORN stages
a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.â€
Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright
has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper's sake.
President Obama condems the ant
and blames
President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the
Pope
for the grasshopper's
plight.
Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid
exclaim in an interview with Larry
King that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper,
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts
the Economic Equity &
Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of
the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar
and given to the grasshopper.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper
and his free-loading [FONT=Comic Sans MS]friends finishing up the last bits of the [/FONT]ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken
over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]
[/FONT]The entire Nation collapses
bringing the rest
of the free world with it.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be careful how you vote in 2010.
The ant works hard
in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.
The [FONT=Comic Sans MS]grasshopper[/FONT] thinks the ant
is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper
calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be
allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.
CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN,
and ABC show up to
provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper
next to a video of the ant
in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears
on Oprah
with the grasshopper
and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green...'
ACORN stages
a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.â€
Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright
has the group kneel down to pray for the grasshopper's sake.
President Obama condems the ant
and blames
President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the
Pope
for the grasshopper's
plight.
Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid
exclaim in an interview with Larry
King that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper,
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts
the Economic Equity &
Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of
the summer.
The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government Green Czar
and given to the grasshopper.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper
and his free-loading [FONT=Comic Sans MS]friends finishing up the last bits of the [/FONT]ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken
over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.
[FONT=Comic Sans MS]
[/FONT]The entire Nation collapses
bringing the rest
of the free world with it.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be careful how you vote in 2010.
andar
Well-Known Member
you really should be careful how you vote in 2010 . while some people are lazy fucks and dont do shit. most people do work their asses off and dont get paid more the harder they work... they work way harder than a lot of rich people sitting in their office all day watching porn.that is not working hard and you shouldnt be paid millions of dollars a year to do that