Sorry guys.
It sounds like typical teenage whining to you doesn't it?
"I wonder sometimes, if it is really too much to ask. To have a man put his arms around me and tell me he loves me. Just once. He doesn't even have to mean it. When I love, I love deep. I take delight in every sight, sound, smell, taste and touch of that person. I give the last of what I have. I travel miles. I go hungry. I don't sleep. I defend them with my last breath. Follow them to the ends of the earth. Offer up every last part of myself. I shed blood as well as tears for him.
My main role model, my mother, only ever had one boyfriend apart from my father whom she is now divorcing. All these years I thought 'someday it'll work out, my mother managed to find a husband and build a life for herself.' But I never knew it would come to this.
I want to rip myself apart right now. Cleanse myself of every hand that ever touched this body. I hate them all. All those men. I'm not sure which I hate more, those who attacked me in the street or people I thought I knew. Who held my most intimate secrets and I spent every waking moment thinking about and gave my last penny to.
Why?
I just want a pause button on life right now, because the shit that has happened to me has wasted so many years of it already.
I apologize again. I'm unsure why I'm telling you all this, but I suppose I have no one else to talk to. Otherwise I wouldn't be much of a dirty little 'secret'.
Just dirty.
I don't know what to do right now. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach."
My post in Urca's thread 'How do you say something that is hard to say?' explains it a little better.
This is not me just going 'woe is me, men are bitches'. All the flirting, all the flashing, all my fucking shit online is a front.
Let me put it bluntly. EVERY man I've encountered in my life either raped me or manipulated me into doing things I wish I could blank out of my mind. And no I couldn't have just said no. If you knew the twisted web of shit I had been caught up in for years, with people I TRUSTED. It was more than a simple matter of 'boy pressure'. The complicated circumstances within which I somehow felt indebted and obligated to do the most horrible things.
I hate it all.I can't even explain to you just how much I am hurting right now. Nor can I thank you enough for your support.
There's probably still a number of you thinking I'm exaggerating or I should fick off with my melodrama but that's how it is. I have nothing more to say.
April, MedicalMaryJane, Sunni, Ganjulia, Urca, Morgan Lynn and all you other girls, keep this thread going with underwear or something before it gets any more depressing.