she's putting a chemical in my pot or coffee that causes me to get serious erections and be horny but last longer...like it becomes almost impossible to ejaculate. I almost passed out in the shower. It took me like 10 minutes to cum...whereas it usually takes 30 seconds. The chemical also controls my weight...causes me to not be hungry.
I think she's prepping me (again)...so that I lose weight and can be good in bed when we finally get together again. Or, she wants me to meet another woman...and wants to prepare me for it...so I'm lean and healthy and great in bed.
I'm not sure though...the chemical causes me to almost not ejaculate at all...I mean it was a good 10 minutes of serious jerking off...with a porn going on the phone and the headphones on. It was like I could NOT ejaculate.
Now, I'm no doctor, but not being able to ejaculate is...a lot different than DELAYING ejaculation. So why would she want me to not be able to ejaculate at all?
I'm being reasonable when I say that we probably won't be together for like 6 months to a year...I have my anger management and substance abuse stuff to deal with...and I don't wan't to/can't be in my kid's life until I'm totally healthy.
So, I don't understand what she's up to.
I do know she loves me, tremendously and unconditionally...and I need to trust her no matter what. So I'm going to do just that. But I'm really scared of what the chemical does to me...I mean I almost DIED in the shower...I was watching the porn on the phone and the water was hot and it was like a sauna and after 10 minutes or so of serious stroking I started to get really dizzy and light headed and felt like I was going to faint. I almost did after I came...I had to hold onto the shower curtain rail for a second.
So I'm just really fucking scared and I just pray that this doesn't kill me or land me in the looney bin because I can't get a stress release from masturbating. Again, I know she loves me without question...I just wish she would tell me what she's up to.
If this is about losing weight and getting ready to be a sexual dynamo, then I'm totally in. I will do anything for her, I love her and she gave me a child. I just would really like to have sex sometime soon. I really need it...just the smell of a woman again...the softness of her breasts...the silkiness of her hair...beautiful eyes...I need that! And not having it and being pretty much substance free (still on nicotine and pot at night and weekends) is really fucking difficult.