BarnBuster
Virtually Unknown Member
Yes, Ma'am.Visine in their Xmas dinner, babe, the gift that keeps on givingyou guys really need to listen to the women more LOL
Confessions
- Thread starter Indagrow
- Start date
minnesmoker
Well-Known Member
I'm judged on two different fronts:
I worked for "THEM" -- as a contractor doing computer security.
I'm a Felon.
So, if my felony doesn't scare 'em off, my previous contract work does -- it gets harder and harder to understand why I live by the letter of the law. Right now, the boss lady's what stops me from sheer psychopathic lunacy, an attempt to rip the fabric of society open, and then point back and say "You made me, now you deal with me."
I'm trying to acclimate. I was raised in "the system," but all the protection I see my "victims" get, I never got. All of the "second chances" I never got. I was given a maximum sentence for EVERYTHING I've ever done, even when defending myself or others. I have skills, and have gotten out of some of the trouble, but I've put in my time, and I try to play nice. The why is getting harder -- justifying to myself that respecting others is "societal norm" gets harder each time...
I have tried to reach out -- Christians won't help, because I'm not Christian, the companies I worked for won't help -- it would be bad to acknowledge that I was injured while working for them, while fulfilling their job requirements -- and it would be bad to acknowledge that they allowed someone like me to work within their "inner circle." People in society won't help -- I explain WHAT I am, and people are all "oh, I'll help you learn to acclimate" and then they run like little bitches, scared by the fact that I really am what I say. I have a brain injury, I go to the BRAIN INJURY ALLIANCE -- they can't profit, they can't help. I have paid more than 1,000,000 in taxes. What do I get for it? I don't qualify for even medical assistance, to fix my back that I injured, working and living a legitimate and honest life. (I'm violent, BUT, I don't hurt anyone that hasn't tried to hurt me or someone that I hold as mine.) I've reached out and tried -- and I was told that "you are a well adjusted individual, that's evident from your income, and your home." Then, they order me to anger management and psychotherapy when one of theirs threatens one of mine, and I return the favor.
I confess, the only thing keeping me from raining an unholy, and violent retribution on their head is the boss lady's love, gentle touch, and kind voice.
I worked for "THEM" -- as a contractor doing computer security.
I'm a Felon.
So, if my felony doesn't scare 'em off, my previous contract work does -- it gets harder and harder to understand why I live by the letter of the law. Right now, the boss lady's what stops me from sheer psychopathic lunacy, an attempt to rip the fabric of society open, and then point back and say "You made me, now you deal with me."
I'm trying to acclimate. I was raised in "the system," but all the protection I see my "victims" get, I never got. All of the "second chances" I never got. I was given a maximum sentence for EVERYTHING I've ever done, even when defending myself or others. I have skills, and have gotten out of some of the trouble, but I've put in my time, and I try to play nice. The why is getting harder -- justifying to myself that respecting others is "societal norm" gets harder each time...
I have tried to reach out -- Christians won't help, because I'm not Christian, the companies I worked for won't help -- it would be bad to acknowledge that I was injured while working for them, while fulfilling their job requirements -- and it would be bad to acknowledge that they allowed someone like me to work within their "inner circle." People in society won't help -- I explain WHAT I am, and people are all "oh, I'll help you learn to acclimate" and then they run like little bitches, scared by the fact that I really am what I say. I have a brain injury, I go to the BRAIN INJURY ALLIANCE -- they can't profit, they can't help. I have paid more than 1,000,000 in taxes. What do I get for it? I don't qualify for even medical assistance, to fix my back that I injured, working and living a legitimate and honest life. (I'm violent, BUT, I don't hurt anyone that hasn't tried to hurt me or someone that I hold as mine.) I've reached out and tried -- and I was told that "you are a well adjusted individual, that's evident from your income, and your home." Then, they order me to anger management and psychotherapy when one of theirs threatens one of mine, and I return the favor.
I confess, the only thing keeping me from raining an unholy, and violent retribution on their head is the boss lady's love, gentle touch, and kind voice.
joe macclennan
Well-Known Member
This right here ^^ makes you a very lucky man my friend.
minnesmoker
Well-Known Member
I wish (and so does she) that we could move to a mountain somewhere, just us. Visit the family, spend time with the few we love. Grow some weed, play on the internet once in a while, spend time together, and live all by ourselves...
Mad Hamish
Well-Known Member
Such is life. Some of us were born top be outlaws. Some of us were just born with NUCLEAR energy levels. What can you do eh. All I know for sure is if you want to get anywhere, you gotta take the punches without dealing a single blow. SUCKS ASS. But it is how it is.
What is needed is a big pile of 'Fuck You!' money. You have enough cash, you can say FUCK YOU to anybody. I like having a nice pile of 'Fuck You' money. It really does help.
Minne I believe you are in the eye of the storm. You need to sit down and learn what the storm is trying to teach you before you are enveloped again on the other side. Stop thrashing and listen. I struggle to much as well. There is a point to this in your evolution.
There are many people who care but for some reason you have to find this answer yourself. This was one of the things the Society of Friends tried to use, reflection and silence in their prisons it backfired terribly because a life of completely quiet contemplation will drive us nuts but without quiet contemplation we lose our way as well. You have to try to find the balance. You need to remove their labels and use your own or co-opt theirs but co-opting theirs without a group is almost impossible.
When you find yourself alone, in the metaphorical wilderness, you have to find your own way out and no one can help you, but you. But that doesn't mean many people do not care and are not anguished watching you have to complete your own quest.
You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to minnesmoker again.
MojoRison
Well-Known Member
I hear you my friend
futant
Well-Known Member
"That all courage was a form of CONSTANCY. That it was always himself the coward abandoned first.After this all other betrayals came easily.
I knew that courage came with less struggle for some than for others but I believed that anyone who desired it could have it.That the desire was the thing itself. The thing itself. I could think of nothing else of which that was true." ~Cormac Mcarthy All the Pretty Horses
[video=youtube;DTGW1JNIvlA]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTGW1JNIvlA[/video]
We love you Minne.
cannabineer
Ursus marijanus
wow.
x2
Mad Hamish
Well-Known Member
Just look at that. Such cool vibes here. You people are awesome.
UVI
New Member
I thought this was gonna have hate written all over it but it's actually really chill.
I feel like the biggest coward. Me and my dad rarely speak or see each other. Not because we dont want to, its just because we dont make the effort and all. But he's done some stuff that made me really dislike him, INCLUDING if we aren't speaking. He went on a month long vacation to the Dominican without telling anyone, he kept making my mom go insane its just a lot of things I don't feel like saying. At the beginning of the month, after giving my mom 2000$ and paying for studio time (Rapper ---> https://soundcloud.com/uvimusic-1/sets/birds-eye-view) and school, I had no money left.
Heres the thing, its not like my dad is a bad man, I really look up to him in a way but its just things i've seen him do that really ruins his image.
So I had no money left, not because im a pot head who doesn't wanna work. Its because my moms on some welfare thing and I cant work because the more I work the less she receives to support us. Money for my mom or me? But I needed money somehow!
So I called my dad. I stooped that low. I needed to buy presents for people for Christmas, I needed to get things for my friends and family and plus, money was more essential than before because of how much I wanted to make people happy, and myself of course with weed. He gave me 300 dollars. I still thought that after all he did, that was the least he could do but I was as grateful as could be. I thanked him and planned lunch/breakfast so it was good.
NOW HERES WHAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A COWARD. Today he called me to the car after he dropped my sister home and we had a pretty long talk about life and stuff. As I was leaving the car he asked me if I was good with money, in which I replied "Yeah." I hate taking anything from my parents, it makes me feel wrong for not doing/having whatever it is on my phone. He saw my face and immediately knew whats up, put me back in the car, drove to a bank and took out 200 dollars. LIKE THAT, without hesitation.
On the way back home we kept talking, and it was weird because I felt like this is the first time I felt I us actually bond in a long time. We were speaking about the value of altruism, just not in that contest, and it seemed like everything that I was about to say, he said, like we were the same person. Anyway, what made me feel like a coward is that my dad, although done what he has done, is still a great father and I can't believe, WITHOUT TALKING TO EACH OTHER for months, just took another 200 from him on top of the 300 a month ago. I feel like it wasnt mine to take. I don't deserve that after not speaking with him or communication for that long.
Also note, he calls at least 5 times a week. I just don't answer sometimes because I don't want to just talk to him, I wanted him to actually SEE ME and not just chit chat on the phone. But it seems like I personally, only call him for favors and money or when something is needed. Funny, I dont even know the answer to that statement just now. Everytime we've spoke, i've asked him for something or asked him to do something, not even once asking if he wanted to just chill. Because today made me realize how similar we are and how much i've learned from the guy, maybe not realizing it but i've learned so much from this man, and I just pulled this.
I think I kinda found my answer just by writing out my thoughts. Have a goodnight my fellow potheads
Thanks for listening.
I feel like the biggest coward. Me and my dad rarely speak or see each other. Not because we dont want to, its just because we dont make the effort and all. But he's done some stuff that made me really dislike him, INCLUDING if we aren't speaking. He went on a month long vacation to the Dominican without telling anyone, he kept making my mom go insane its just a lot of things I don't feel like saying. At the beginning of the month, after giving my mom 2000$ and paying for studio time (Rapper ---> https://soundcloud.com/uvimusic-1/sets/birds-eye-view) and school, I had no money left.
Heres the thing, its not like my dad is a bad man, I really look up to him in a way but its just things i've seen him do that really ruins his image.
So I had no money left, not because im a pot head who doesn't wanna work. Its because my moms on some welfare thing and I cant work because the more I work the less she receives to support us. Money for my mom or me? But I needed money somehow!
So I called my dad. I stooped that low. I needed to buy presents for people for Christmas, I needed to get things for my friends and family and plus, money was more essential than before because of how much I wanted to make people happy, and myself of course with weed. He gave me 300 dollars. I still thought that after all he did, that was the least he could do but I was as grateful as could be. I thanked him and planned lunch/breakfast so it was good.
NOW HERES WHAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A COWARD. Today he called me to the car after he dropped my sister home and we had a pretty long talk about life and stuff. As I was leaving the car he asked me if I was good with money, in which I replied "Yeah." I hate taking anything from my parents, it makes me feel wrong for not doing/having whatever it is on my phone. He saw my face and immediately knew whats up, put me back in the car, drove to a bank and took out 200 dollars. LIKE THAT, without hesitation.
On the way back home we kept talking, and it was weird because I felt like this is the first time I felt I us actually bond in a long time. We were speaking about the value of altruism, just not in that contest, and it seemed like everything that I was about to say, he said, like we were the same person. Anyway, what made me feel like a coward is that my dad, although done what he has done, is still a great father and I can't believe, WITHOUT TALKING TO EACH OTHER for months, just took another 200 from him on top of the 300 a month ago. I feel like it wasnt mine to take. I don't deserve that after not speaking with him or communication for that long.
Also note, he calls at least 5 times a week. I just don't answer sometimes because I don't want to just talk to him, I wanted him to actually SEE ME and not just chit chat on the phone. But it seems like I personally, only call him for favors and money or when something is needed. Funny, I dont even know the answer to that statement just now. Everytime we've spoke, i've asked him for something or asked him to do something, not even once asking if he wanted to just chill. Because today made me realize how similar we are and how much i've learned from the guy, maybe not realizing it but i've learned so much from this man, and I just pulled this.
I think I kinda found my answer just by writing out my thoughts. Have a goodnight my fellow potheads
Thanks for listening.
Unclebaldrick
Well-Known Member
Yes, him and some other folks too from the sound of it.
It certainly helps, but is no guarantee. Remember how John McAfee fell apart. Sounds like the love of a good woman might be the best first step.
UVI
New Member
LOOL! That's actually a smart confession though
Singlemalt
Well-Known Member
I've always wanted to marry a hot slinky lil bitch named Garcia...never found her though
james2500
Well-Known Member
what? can't believe I re read this trying to make sense of it
neosapien
Well-Known Member
I have a pretty big confession to make...
I've never actually grown weed and just came here one day because I was high and thought it was cool and stayed for a couple years. All the pictures I've posted are one's I grabbed from the web. I don't know the first thing about nutrients or what a plant vagina looks like. I'm a fraud. Oh, sometimes I lie about stuff to entertain myself too.
I've never actually grown weed and just came here one day because I was high and thought it was cool and stayed for a couple years. All the pictures I've posted are one's I grabbed from the web. I don't know the first thing about nutrients or what a plant vagina looks like. I'm a fraud. Oh, sometimes I lie about stuff to entertain myself too.